Jesus – Alaska Bible Teacher

A Prayer of a Minor Prophet

His Ordination Prayer as a Pastor, serving in the Christian and Missionary Alliance

August 18, 1920

O Lord, I have heard Thy voice and was afraid. Thou has called me to an awesome task in a grave and perilous hour. Thou art about to shake all nations and the earth and also heaven, that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. O Lord, my Lord, Thou has stooped to honor me to be Thy servant. No man taketh this honor upon himself save he that is called of God as was Aaron. Thou has ordained me Thy messenger to them that are stubborn of heart and hard of hearing. They have rejected Thee, the Master, and it is not to be expected that they will receive me, the servant.

My God, I shall not waste time deploring my weakness nor my unfittedness for the work. The responsibility is not mine, but Thine. Thou has said, “I knew thee – I ordained thee – I sanctified thee,” and Thou hast also said, “Thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak.” Who am I to argue with Thee or to call into question Thy sovereign choice? The decision is not mine but Thine.

So be it, Lord. Thy will, not mine, be done.

Well do I know, Thou God of the prophets and the apostles, that as long as I honor Thee Thou will honor me. Help me therefore to take this solemn vow to honor Thee in all my future life and labors, whether by gain or by loss, by life or by death, and then to keep that vow unbroken while I live.

It is time, O God, for Thee to work, for the enemy has entered into Thy pastures and the sheep are torn and scattered. And false shepherds abound who deny the danger and laugh at the perils which surround Thy flock. The sheep are deceived by these hirelings and follow them with touching loyalty while the wolf closes in to kill and destroy. I beseech Thee, give me sharp eyes to detect the presence of the enemy; give me understanding to see and courage to report what I see faithfully. Make my voice so like Thine own that even the sick sheep will recognize it and follow Thee.

Lord Jesus, I come to Thee for spiritual preparation.

Lay Thy hand upon me. Anoint me with the oil of the New Testament prophet. Forbid that I should be come a religious scribe and thus lose my prophetic calling. Save me from the curse that lies dark across the modern clergy, the curse of compromise, of imitation, of professionalism. Save me from the error of judging a church by its size, its popularity or the amount of its yearly offering. Help me to remember that I am a prophet – not a promoter, not a religious manager, but a prophet. Let me never become a slave to crowds. Heal my soul of carnal ambitions and deliver me from the itch for publicity.

Save me from bondage to things. Let me not waste my days puttering around the house. Lay Thy terror upon me, O God, and drive me to the place of prayer where I may wrestle with principalities and powers and the rulers of the darkness of this world. Deliver me from overeating and late sleeping. Teach me self-discipline that I may be a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

I accept hard work and small rewards in this life.

I ask for no easy place. I shall try to be blind to the little ways that could make life easier. If others seek the smoother path I shall try to take the hard way without judging them too harshly. I shall expect opposition and try to take it quietly when it comes. Or if, as sometimes it falleth out to Thy servants, I should have grateful gifts pressed upon me by Thy kindly people, stand by me then and save me from the blight that often follows. Teach me to use whatever I receive in such manner that will not injure my soul nor diminish my spiritual power. And if in Thy permissive providence honor should come to me from Thy church, let me not forget in that hour that I am unworthy of the least of Thy mercies, and that if men knew me as intimately as I know myself they would withhold their honors or bestow them upon others more worthy to receive them.

And now, O Lord of heaven and earth, I consecrate my remaining days to Thee; let them be many or few, as Thou wilt. Let me stand before the great or minister to the poor and lowly; that choice is not mine, and I would not influence it if I could. I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame.

I choose it above all things on earth or in heaven.

Though I am chosen of Thee and honored by a high and holy calling, let me never forget that I am but a man of dust and ashes, a man with all the natural faults and passions that plague the race of men. I pray Thee, therefore, my Lord and Redeemer, save me from myself and from all the injuries I may do myself while trying to be a blessing to others. Fill me with Thy power by the Holy Spirit, and I will go in Thy strength and tell of Thy righteousness, even Thine only. I will spread abroad the message of redeeming love while my normal powers endure.

Then, dear Lord, when I am old and weary and too tired to go on, have a place ready for me above, and make me to be numbered with Thy saints in glory everlasting. Amen. AMEN.

AlaskaBibleTeacher.com

A Very Terrible Blindness

“As he was walking along, he saw a man blind from birth.“

²“Master,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?”

³“Neither,” Jesus answered. “But to demonstrate the power of God. ⁴All of us must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent me, for there is little time left before the night falls and all work comes to an end. ⁵But while I am still here in the world, I give it my light.”

⁶Then he spat on the ground and made mud from the spittle and smoothed the mud over the blind man’s eyes, ⁷and told him, “Go and wash in the Pool of Siloam” (the word Siloam means “Sent”). So the man went where he was sent and washed and came back seeing!

I suppose we can only imagine what blindness to this degree would be like.

Somehow I’ve come to an idea that this represents fallen men–we’re spiritually blind to the workings and truths of Jesus’ Kingdom. It seems a pretty good explanation of each of us–“blind from birth.” But when you’re blind spiritually you haven’t the slightest of what is real and taking place around you.

“One great power of sin is that it blinds men so that they do not recognize its true character.“

Andrew Murray

Also notice the response of the disciples who first met this unfortunate man. They don’t see his needs, rather, they want to know the theology behind this. Perhaps that’s how we respond much of the time–we don’t see the needs, we only want to know the reasons. We’re not wise or discerning enough to see what’s really really going on.

Perhaps this is how we operate as immature Christians.

We don’t engage the need, but rather we like having good theology over understanding true passion. It’s easy to philosophize–it’s hard to get down and serve and really love others.

If we really don’t love needy people, we re probably not following Jesus.

It’s funny but Jesus declares Himself to be the light of the world while speaking to the man who is born blind. And it’s also funny that just like there was physical blindness there is a blindness of the Spirit by the disciples–I think it’s even worse.

Third, we discover the gentle mercy that Jesus has when He meets needy people. Now the Lord does accommodate His followers, but not at the expense of engaging the need of the moment. Jesus is full of compassion–most especially when He meets broken people–and as His followers, we must grasp this.

As I mature in Christ I’m learning (slowly) that people are His real focus. He has come, not to theologise or philosophize, but to meet needs! Sure the reasons why become clearer, but that really isn’t Jesus’ primary goal. I suspect that people will never have impeccable theology.

Classes in systematic theology are really good, but I believe soup kitchens are better.

The blind man is profoundly healed, and Jesus’ love and desire to restore this man is ‘front and center.’ The Lord’s methodology is interesting. Spit and mud, wiped on the blind man’s eyes. In Genesis 1-2 we discover that God made man out of dirt and dust of the ground. Perhaps what He has done here mirrors that work.

And it’s also important to understand that Jesus never performs the exact same healing in the exact same way. For some reason He ‘tailors’ His work to the individuals deepest need. I suppose He doesn’t want us to grab a hold of a formula, as that’s what we want to have.

The story is primarily about a blind man’s healing. It also speaks to the spiritual darkness that afflicts many.

We really must understand this, and we need to understand the tremendous mercy and power of God to both heal and restore. The Lord wants to give you real sight, true spiritual discernment. He really wants this.

There’s a ton more here we can grab, but I suppose there isn’t time. This is merely my take on John 9.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; he has appointed me to preach Good News to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted and to announce that captives shall be released and the blind shall see, that the downtrodden shall be freed from their oppressors, and that God is ready to give blessings to all who come to him.”

Luke 4:18

alaskabibleteacher.com

Our Work is Our Worship, “Avad”

It’s interesting–the Hebrew word for worship is also used for work. I think that is pretty significant. Seeing and understanding this is a life-altering experience. It completely changes the way we look at discipleship. Worship and work/serve go together, and God sees them as one and the same.

To work [avad] as a “farmer”and serve as a worshiper [avad] overlap.

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it [avad] and keep it.”
“Serve [Avad] the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!”

Genesis 2:15 and Psalm 100:2

Notice that both work and worship use the same Hebrew word.

“Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, [avad].”
“When peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship [avad] the Lord.”

Exodus 20:9 and Psalm 2:11

And wow! There are dozens of verses that link our work with our worship. The implications are profound–we’re to see our Sunday worship and our jobs as one and the same. Typically we don’t see it that way. Our Monday through Friday are in a separate category than what we do on Sunday.

Our work and our worship overlap. God intends it that way, and we grow in obedience if we also accept the fact that they’re not separate. Our occupation, whether we’re flipping burgers or being a brain surgeon, is to be an act of worship.

One small Hebrew word can mean so much.

Our whole paradigm shifts when we understand that our worship is far more than 20 minutes on a Sunday morning. It’s to extend to all we do throughout our week. Our Monday job is just as significant to God as our shared time with our brothers on Sunday.

This understanding gets used in the New Testament as we see our work and worship are connected.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

Colossians 3: 23-24

“Not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, ⁷rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man.”

Ephesian 6:6-7

“We also should be thinking about how we use our working lives for serving God. Every aspect of our lives at work is a witness to the God we serve. Are we dedicated employees? Patient with our co-workers? Honest with company money? Do we share our faith when it is appropriate? Our worship of God on one day of the week should be just a small reflection of our worship of him the rest of the time.”

Lois Tverberg, En-Gedi Resources

Peter the Great

The apostle Peter was well acquainted with failure. He understood blowing it big time. I’ve identified at least 11 times when he did the wrong thing; He stumbled repeatedly, but that encourages me.

(I’m really glad he struggled.)

I suppose that we must acknowledge that Jesus saw something in Peter–a definite future of a ministry that would be critical in the lives of the other disciples, but it wasn’t going to be easy for Peter. Jesus was alert and He prayed specifically for His bumbling disciple.

“…but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

Luke 22:32, ESV

Here’s my list of Peter’s greatest flops:

Peter can’t figure out the Parable of the Sower, so he asks Jesus for further explanation. We too don’t understand all the things Jesus taught, we get confused. Peter’s example is a strength for us. Jesus doesn’t reject our ignorance. (Matthew 15:15-16.)
Peter and the others try to keep the children away from Jesus. (Mark 10:13-14.)
Peter is full of selfish ambition and argues with the other disciples as they walk with Jesus. (Mark 9:33-34; Luke 22:24.)
Peter tried to follow Jesus by walking on the water. He failed and sank; Jesus took him by the hand and gave him a gentle rebuke. (Matthew 14:28-33.)
On the Mountain of the Transfiguration Peter witnessed an incredible event when Jesus was seen in all His glory. Peter blew it by not understanding what had just happened. (Mark 9:2-8.)
Peter actually is strongly rebuked by Jesus and called, “Satan.” (Matthew 16:23.)
Peter resists Jesus when He is washing the disciple’s feet. (John 13:5-9.)
Peter fails to listen to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and falls asleep. He was told to watch and pray. Peter failed, and fell asleep. (Matthew 26:36-46.)
Peter, with “oaths” and “curses” denies knowing Jesus in the courtyard of the High Priest. (Matthew 26:69-75.) See also, Matt. 10:33.
Peter is broken over his denial of Jesus. It seems that he’s a complete failure as a disciple and returns to his boat and goes fishing. The other disciples follow him.(John 21:1-3.) We also see Jesus restoring Peter to Himself. (John 21:15-19.)
Peter is intimidated by the Jews, and withdraws from fellowshipping with the Gentile believers. He is soundly rebuked by Paul “to his face.” (Gal. 2:11-14.)

It seems that none of these are spiritually fatal, but perhaps they could be. In every case listed we can see the tenderness and goodness of the Lord Jesus who forgave and restored Peter. He loves His disciple much more than Peter realizes.

At times our walk is also somewhat discouraging.

We sin, and we fail in so many ways. It seems overwhelming at times. The Holy Spirit calls us to pray and sing, but if we’re honest we often can’t do these things. Our failures seem to disqualify us to be disciples. A kind of “spiritual depression” falls over us. We seem to believe that God is angry with us. We think He condemns us.

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.”

John 10:28

But God’s love for you is total and everlasting.

On that day you accepted Him as your Savior a covenant was made. He’s committed to bring you through life and to Himself. Forever. Jesus is completely faithful and He loves you deeply and most unreasonably. We call this “grace.”

God has initiated your salvation. He launched it and He is in charge of it.
God works over and over in your life to make you like His Son.
When you die and stand before Him that process will be finished completely.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

Follow Him

There can be no resurrection power without crucifixion weakness. There can be no power unless you die to self, taking up your personal cross. Many are frustrated by this. This teaching is not fully understood or really preached.

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Mark 8:34; Matthew 16:24

Crosses hurt, for they are a way of dying to self, plain and simple. Every spirit-filled believer must die to his agenda. If you want a resurrected life, overcoming sin and death, you must carry your cross. Death comes first, and then is resurrection. There is freedom to all who obey.

Simply put, there’s no other way for you to be holy but a cross.

Whether you’re struggling with a physical ailment (think pain), or a mental illness (also pain), you still must carry a cross. Our issues can be formidable, I understand, but you’re not exempt from the terms of discipleship. All must follow Jesus.

“He that hath no cross deserves no crown.”

Francis Quarles

Jesus fully understands Calvary. He recognizes agony. His pain was real. I believe that He knows this intimately. I also think Jesus understands our weakness and confusion. His grace meets every believer. No matter if they struggle and stumble. The Spirit teaches us. All who really come are redeemed.

I think He understands our reluctance and hesitation.

I want to follow Him. I’m pretty sure that you do too (you’re reading this which tells me something). So what cross are you called to carry? They seem to be custom made–designed uniquely for you. But it’s also true that others have been tempted, just like you.

Your cross must be deliberately chosen.

It’s often a path of brokenness and humility. It may involve shame and pain–a reproach to those who can’t understand. But if you take it up you can expect the world to belittle you. If they abused Jesus, you can count on them belittling you.

Avoiding your cross means you have been conformed to what the world thinks, and that’s an awful place to be. You really can diminish your cross without doing harm to your spiritual walk. Honestly, there is not another way.

His resurrection power is given to those who have already expired. Struggles with sin and doubt often evaporate when He abides in you. He’s the power given to overcome. He’s the only one who can give it to you.

“To take up the cross of Christ is no great action done once for all; it consists in the continual practice of small duties which are distasteful to us.”

John Henry Newman

You may struggle with this and I hear you. This is not an easy word. I don’t know if I’ve given this topic justice, but I pray that I’ve touched the heart of Jesus. I stress that’s a hard word, but I think it’s true.

But you must tell yourself of the gift of joy and peace that is found by carrying your cross.

“The cross of Christ is the sweetest burden that I ever bore; it is such a burden as wings are to a bird, or sails to a ship, to carry me forward to my harbor.”

Samuel Rutherford

Seeing in a Fresh New Way

“The sacred moments, the moments of miracle, are often the everyday moments, the moments which, if we do not look with more than our eyes or listen with more than our ears reveal only…a gardener, a stranger coming down the road behind us, a meal like any other meal. But if we look with our hearts, if we listen with all our being and imagination.. what we may see is Jesus himself.”

Frederick Buechner

Having a “Sanctified Imagination”

I need to be very clear. We’re not trying to shape reality or mold anything. We’re not supposed to be involved in creating an alternate world. We’re talking about using your imagination, and not creating the imaginative.

The New Testament is over 70% narrative. The dictionary definition is “a spoken or written account of connected events; a story.” That means that we’ll need to approach it, sometimes anyway, picturing it in the minds that God has given us. I suppose that this requires that we see and understand it, differently.

I like to call this—a ‘sanctified imagination.’

The parables of Jesus are heavenly stories that declare the truths of God’s Kingdom. When we read about the parable of the Prodigal Son, we must imagine the son partying away from his father’s money. We must see the husks, and fill our noses with the stench of the pig poop. We need to see the prodigal coming to his senses, and returning to the father who runs out to meet him.

Jesus’ parables are designed purposefully for you.

This is what I mean when I say we use our sanctified imagination. We engage these parables with our hearts and mind. God has given us this ability, it’s part of the way we communicate with him. I become that prodigal, it’s I who returns to the Father. I see it and understand it better that way. But it’s imagination–it’s never supposed to be imaginary.

Our imaginations can be used for evil as well. A man pictures a new type of machine gun and then makes and designs it. Another presses into pornography and engages his mind in lust over a picture. There are many dark ways we use to alter our worlds. We can use the images in our minds to commit sin.

God’s truths seem to go deeper if we press into using our minds to engage what the Father desires.

“With our imagination and reason, with our five bodily senses, and especially with our emotions, we become secondhand witnesses of the events of Scripture.” The idea is to place yourself in the biblical story, becoming a person in the crowd, a disciple following Jesus along dusty roads or the boy with the loaves and fish. Imagine the sights, sounds, smells, feels, and tastes of the biblical world. You step into the story and let it enter your mind—not just as a series of facts, but as a story with real, living people.”

© Phil Collins, Ph.D., 2014. This material was created in partnership with the Taylor University Center for Scripture Engagement.

The accounts of Jesus’ miracles are also meant for our imaginations. We see Jesus healing a leper, and we imagine him touching us as well. We encounter our own uncleanness before the Holy One. We must really understand that spiritual truth can never be generated without the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

Sometimes I pray the old words of those who have gone before me: “Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.” Often this (or a close variation of this) was the cry of the desperately needy in the Gospel accounts. When I pray this I imagine I’m blind Bartimaeus sitting by the side of the road, or the woman with a sick child. I see myself standing and waiting for His touch. This is the power of sanctified imagination.

“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. ¹⁴He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”

John 16:13-14

Some additional reading:

A good (and simple) can be found at Crossway.com. I would also suggest Focus on the Family and Christianity Today. Both are really clear and explain it much better than I can. Also, check out biblegateway.com for more info

Having an Anointed Life

I have to admit, I always wondered what this verse in Psalm 23 meant. I thought “He anoints my head with oil” was a nice poetic phrase for God blessing David. But as I delved deeper into the context and explored different interpretations, a beautiful and profound meaning unfolded before my eyes.

First of all the act of anointing with oil holds significant cultural and spiritual symbolism in biblical times. It was a practice to anoint guests as a sign of honor and welcome, especially in lavish feasts and celebrations.

Anointing with oil also had medicinal purposes, as it could soothe and heal various ailments. (Now that’s interesting, I thought.)

In the context of Psalm 23, the phrase “He anoints my head with oil” takes on a deeper metaphorical meaning. It signifies God’s abundant blessings, His provision, and His care for His people. Just as a host anoints the head of a guest as an act of honor and hospitality, God lovingly anoints us with blessings and favor.

Moreover, the act of anointing with oil has spiritual connotations. In ancient religious rituals, anointing with oil was a sign of consecration, setting apart someone or something for a holy purpose.

This verse also portrays a practical picture of medicinal shepherding.

In biblical times, shepherds used oil to treat and protect the sheep’s wounds and keep insects away from their heads. By anointing our heads with oil, God brings healing and comfort to our brokenness, soothing our hurts and protecting us from the turmoil of life.

Sheep often can do harmful things to themselves as they try to find relief from flies and ticks.

Their ears and eyes can be targets for tormenting insects as well.

Sheep have been known to bash their heads against rock walls to dislodge flies from their ears, noses, and eyes. A good shepherd watches closely over his flock. He watches over them carefully.

A good shepherd knows that poured out oil forms a barrier of protection against these things that would try to destroy the sheep.

Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil?

Psalm 23 as a whole beautifully paints a picture of God as our loving and caring Shepherd, guiding us, providing for us, and protecting us. The imagery of anointing with oil further illuminates the depth of His love and the extent of His care. It reminds us that we are chosen and cherished by God, and that His blessings are abundant and unending.

But ask yourself these questions. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them?

The Holy Spirit can come with His endless supply of oil!

“You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.”

Psalm 23:5, ESV

Wonder

My thoughts…

There are some things that leave an indelible mark, deep down into our souls. For me, one instance I remember staying at Simpson College on Silver Ave. in San Francisco in June 1986. The dorms were empty and I had a whole floor to myself. The campus was gorgeous; the roses were in full bloom.

I found a little “mom and pop” corner market nearby which had an awesome deli. Here I could buy cold cuts, some excellent braunschweiger, and freshly baked sourdough bread. I returned to my room to build my sandwich.

I remember that the windows were open and there was a beautiful breeze. Food, warm sun, flowers in bloom and the Holy Spirit are just about ready to ‘intersect’ in my life. It would be a holy collision. I would come to Jesus in this bright new way.

It was simply a moment that I captured and savored. Everything seemed to coincide, it was magical in the best sense of the word. It was beautiful, that is all I can say. That time in that dorm room has become a crystalline moment that I will never forget. Right there, it seemed I fell in love, not with a girl, but with a moment in time and place.

That nostalgia lies incredibly thick on the shoulders of the writer of Psalm 84.

He remembers and savors those powerful memories of his visit to the temple. He was given something at that particular moment that would follow him for the rest of his life.

The beauty of that experience was inviolable and true and could never be duplicated. This treasure was his. As he aged he could tell his grandchildren, “I walked with God.” And he really meant it.

I personally believe God gives us these holy moments, wrapped in wonder and awe. When the Holy Spirit deeply touches in this way you will never, ever be the same.

The psalmist has the same hunger.

These moments in the temple which are so blessed have also ‘ruined’ him. Often special times of God’s presence will result in a ‘sanctified’ dissatisfaction with the present status quo.

But when we finally make our way to Jesus (or He draws us), life takes on a special and curious wonder. When the rain finally comes to the barren desert, an explosion of life bursts out. In much the same way, our lives are ‘watered’ by Jesus. Things get very green and lush as we live in the Spirit. All of this is in contrast to our dry and desperate life without His presence.

I want to become hungry for His presence.

I so want to be in the center of wherever He is at. I admit that His grace and love has spoiled me. But the love of Jesus does this. Normal life seems to be nothing more than a boring journey into ‘black & white,’ but somehow He turns it all into stunning color.

The psalmist practically begs to be returned to the temple. He wants to be there, more than anything else. It is now his true home and he is homeless without God. He will not be satisfied with anything less.

“My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.”

Psalm 84:2

Wrestling with God

Jacob was a scoundrel, a cheat and a swindler. It seems that his life was built on defrauding others. I see no integrity, no goodness in his early life. He plotted and tricked everyone he could in order to advance his own status.

Yes, Jacob was tricked also, which I suppose was a “good” thing. It seems that when men like Jacob get deceived themselves we tend to gloat a bit. After all, they are finally getting what they deserve.

But no bad man is outside of God’s grace and mercy.

The story of Jacob wrestling with God is definitely worthwhile. We see him colliding with the Lord on the shore of the river Jabbok. Body on body they each try to gain the advantage. The text tells us that the match goes long into the night. (For background, see Genesis 32:24-32.)

Jacob is a grifter. He has built his life around a selfish deception. But again, he is still on God’s radar, and the Father isn’t finished with him yet.

A night of wrestling with God is really something we all will do at least once in our life. We each have a “Jabbok” and each will go body to body with the Holy One. Some of us will learn how to surrender, others will not. But sometimes, our dealings with God are silent, and unobservable.

It fascinates me to see Jacob wounded. “When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket” (v. 25). Jacob will limp for the rest of his life. Every morning as he got out of bed, he would groan from the stiffness and be reminded of that fight by the river.

So dear one, how should we process all of this?

No man is too far gone for God’s dealings.
Each of us, whether we realize it or not, will have our encounter with God. (Our personal “Jabbok.”)
God loves us too much to let us remain in our sin and darkness.
And sometimes, from that encounter we’ll walk with a limp.

My own experience. I was not in a good place 8 years ago, I was wrestling with God, and having some issues, but the Holy Spirit had no intention of letting me go. I had a very bad fall. Needless to say I laid on the ground with my right arm pinned beneath me for some time. That injury is known as “compartment syndrome.” I went into surgery immediately.

My right forearm/hand is now paralyzed. about 80% of the muscle tissue and nerves had to be removed. The doctors considered taking my arm off, but I’m glad they didn’t.

Like Jacob, I now have a tangible reminder of my fight with the Lord. There are times when I hurt. I’ve had to relearn and adjust to using my left hand. It has not been easy. Jacob would limp for the rest of his life, I can relate having just one arm.

“God has no pleasure in afflicting us, but He will not keep back even the most painful chastisement if He can but thereby guide His beloved child to come home and abide in the beloved Son.”

Andrew Murray

I Couldn’t Follow Him

Mark 10:17-22

As he was starting out on a trip, a man came running to him and knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to get to heaven?”

¹⁸“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good! ¹⁹But as for your question—you know the commandments: don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, respect your father and mother.”

²⁰“Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve never once broken a single one of those laws.”

²¹Jesus felt genuine love for this man as he looked at him. “You lack only one thing,” he told him; “go and sell all you have and give the money to the poor—and you shall have treasure in heaven—and come, follow me.”

²²Then the man’s face fell, and he went sadly away, for he was very rich.

My name is inconsequential. I suppose all you must know of me is I tried to keep God’s Law and that I was very wealthy. Many believed that being rich was evidence that God approved of me. Of that, I wasn’t too sure. I kept the Law out of fear I suppose, and at times I just knew it wasn’t quite enough.

As I studied I began to realize that riches weren’t going to make me righteous. There was enough Scripture in me to let me know that it wasn’t enough. The prophets, especially Isaiah spoke about the deadliness of wealth, but there was that one verse in Proverbs that really disturbed me:

“Your riches won’t help you on Judgment Day; only righteousness counts then.”

(Proverbs 11:4.)

This verse (and all of the others) were the cause of many a sleepless night.

I was tormented by the reality of standing before God with nothing but my money to cover me. Coming under God’s righteous judgment haunted me. I thought of it day and night. I was terrified of being damned. My own righteousness wasn’t enough, and I knew it.

I heard about Jesus (and who hasn’t), and some were boldly claiming that he was the Messiah. He was at least a wonderful teacher and many said he worked powerful miracles, and perhaps he had answers for me. I hoped so, but I needed to know. It was my questions that drove me to find him.

And finding him was easy–I just followed the crowd.

I got ahead of everybody. I knelt in his path and waited. I must know what he thought I should do. When he stood before me I asked the question that had haunted me my whole life–“Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?”

Jesus looked right at me. I knew deep down that he loved me.

But oh those words, his words really disturbed me. He told me that I only lacked one thing, that I must sell everything and distribute the money to the poor. Only by doing that would I discover riches in heaven. And only then could I truly follow him.

But that was the thing I couldn’t do.

It was my idol, my golden calf, and it was a sacrifice that I could never make.

I’ve come to realize now, over my many years, that when I do finally stand before God, I will have nothing to save me. Jesus invited me to follow, and I couldn’t and I didn’t. I won’t.

And that my friend, means I will die unforgiven.

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

Mark 8:36, KJV