anxiety – Alaska Bible Teacher

Our Miracle in Mexico

What happened was nothing less than a miracle. Let me explain and let you be the judge. Over the years of ministry I’ve heard the Lord speak clearly at different times. He has this tendency to overcome confusion and doubt to make His will super clear.

In 1995 we were sent by our church to Mexico to assist a church/mission station. We would be their first missionaries in Baja California. We knew we were called, and we also understood that it would definitely be challenging (and it was). We made a three year commitment.

We took Spanish at King’s Way Missionary Institute in McAllen, Texas. It was there we met another couple who would be working 40 miles south of where we were going. We agreed that once school was done we would travel together.

Now this is where it gets interesting.

We left south Texas and convoyed to San Diego. When we hit New Mexico the heat got terrible and my car didn’t have AC. The couple we were travelling with was pulling a trailer and couldn’t travel over 45 mph. It was over 100 F., I remember looking at our kids in the backseat and they were sprawled out, they were on the verge of heat stroke.

Now please bear with me.

Then something quite amazing happened!

There are several lanes available at the border crossing–they’re always backed up with 20 cars in each lane. So I pulled into one waiting for my turn to be inspected. Suddenly I heard honking behind me. I looked in my rear view to see what the deal was. It was our friends we had left back in New Mexico. They were in the car directly behind me!

My brain immediately started to calculate the odds.

It was then I heard Him speak to me.

Our three years were very difficult. We lived in a very old and very small “burned out” trailer, with no electricity or running water. We had a 55 gallon drum that was filled occasionally by a water truck. We had to boil it to kill the mosquito larva.

I killed rattlesnakes and battled with black widow spiders, and hundreds of tarantulas that wanted to nest on the property.

To know that God was taking care of us, had led us, and was using us was comforting. When things got very hard that experience at the border would comfort us repeatedly. It gave us confidence in His purposes for us being there. He put us there, and would not leave us.

When we left Mexico I was a little bit discouraged. “Where is the fruit?” About 6 months after returning to the Bay Area, I was in church when one of the elders came up to inform me that one of the leaders in our Mexico church had named their newborn son after me–Bryan Allen Rodriquez!

That news staggered me, it was like a 2×4 up the side of my head. They saw our steadfastness and wanted to name their son after me. That pretty much undid me. I admit that since then, I’ve struggled with this. I guess you can never fully understand your impact on others.

“You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.”

Psalm 40:5, ESV

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The Parable of the Unmerciful

God is generous. We owe him an outrageous kind of debt. But what happens when we refuse to forgive another person? Jesus now teaches what happens–it’s frightening.

Matthew 18:22-34

²³“For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. ²⁵Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.

²⁶“At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ ²⁷Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.

²⁸“That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’

“‘Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’”

“And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed.”

God is generous. All that he does is grace. It’s also grace when we really meet another. He loves us, and we need to siphon that love to everyone we meet. When we come before the Lord, we don’t get the justice we deserve. He has forgiven us—the ten thousand ones.

God is generous. We owe him an outrageous kind of debt. Commentators list the modern value of 10,000 talents would be $1 billion USD. Granted this is figurative, but that doesn’t mean it’s untrue. Grace is God’s extravagant for scandalous sinners.

That is an insane amount of money. To settle our debt would far, far more than we can repay; but isn’t that the point. God’s grace on us, is a precious thing.

When he gets off his knees, we realize that he really hasn’t changed by grace. His heart is teflon, and the mercy the father gave him doesn’t stick. His heart hasn’t really grasped his lesson in forgiveness. God forgave, the servant didn’t understand. His treatment of another proclaims this.

The parable directly speaks of grace, and ungrace.

The $10,000 guy meets the $100 talent guy and we see our own inability to forgive. We shake down our brother and sister for just small things. Notice verse 28, the text tells us that he actually assaulted him, “he started to choke him.” How bizarre and how disturbing. And yet, God sees, and responds.

Was the $10,000 guy really forgiven? Did he understand the spiritual transaction of what just happened? I don’t think so—and it scares me.

The other servants have seen the issue.

The key word is “distressed,” or lypeō in Greek, the word means “to throw into sorrow, to grieve or offend., to make heavy.” All that the forgiven servant did, was recognizable by others, and they reported what they saw to the master.

His behavior is clearly meant to disturbs us.

He’s called “wicked” in verse 32. What he did was awful, and again he’s brought in. Because of his mistreatment of the other who owed, he was now thrown into prison, owing a billion bucks. He gets what he now deserves. He gets justice instead of mercy. He is turned over the torturers.

“But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.”

Matthew 6:15

What does all of this mean?

I’m pretty sure that God isn’t hammering us over our unforgiveness of others. I suspect it’s our sin that does that. When we consider our sin, how can we understand others who sin against us? We have been forgiven much (very much!) how can we not forgive others for sinning against us?

“Many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers.“

J. Meyer

Have You Learned to Rest Yet?

Life can get out of hand sometimes, becoming hectic and frantic. It seems like we’ve got 1000 ‘irons in the fire.’ The anxiety of doing everything creates fear and worry. We cannot possibly keep up. There isn’t enough hours in the day.

We are not at rest with ourselves, or with the Lord.

And oh my, the news, the internet, and our cell phones create awful issues if we can’t manage them with the Holy Spirit’s direction and purposes. Our computers seem like a pipeline for darkness. Unless they’re “given” to God, they can destroy you.

What causes me anxiety? I’m quite sure you can add your own issues. But here’s a partial list:

ambition, self-promotion, pride, jockeying for position
family issues, marriage and children
my job and career, “keeping up with the Joneses”
religious ‘duties’
finances, bills
politics, media
unrepented sin, separation from God, peace is missing

But I assure you, there is rest.

The Old Testament uses a word, נוח or ‘nuach.’ It’s a Hebrew word. Both Moses and Jesus understood the implications. It means calming, to become quiet or still. To rest quietly.

^“And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

(Exodus 33:14)

This promise is given to Moses; frankly, he’s overwhelmed by his burden. In the “tent of the meeting” he battles with God, and it’s in that place Moses insists on the Lord’s active presence on him and on the people. He will not take another step unless God does this.

^“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.“

(Matthew 11:28)

The Lord Jesus calls each of us to rest in Him. It seems we work hard and we carry awful heavy burdens. Jesus uses the word, “Come” which is typically a command or an imperative. (It can be used with an explanation mark!)

Jesus understands our hearts and our effort and “labor.” He fully grasps that we’re “heavy laden” much of the time. His invitation is to come and find the peace of a resting disciple. It is His gift to us, and only Jesus can give it to us.

“‘Come’; he drives none away; he calls them to himself. His favorite word is ‘Come.’ Not, go to Moses – ‘Come unto me.’ To Jesus himself we must come, by a personal trust. Not to doctrine, ordinance, nor ministry are we to come first; but to the personal Saviour.”

CH Spurgeon

Anavah, (or Humility)

“Humility [anavah], is to make a right estimate of one’s self.”

Charles Spurgeon

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
    my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
²But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Psalm 131:1-2, ESV

To be humble [Hebrew, anavah] means that we recognize our boundaries. We will not advance by stepping beyond what God has ordained for us. We learn to be content with the present. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. It puts others first.

In Psalm 131 we begin the walk into “anavah.” We’re brought by God into a place where we understand who we really are. Our lives are not characterized by self-promotion, but rather serving God and advancing others before ourselves.

The image is one of being a weaned child resting on a mother’s chest. We have no agenda, there is nothing that we must do, but just relax on Him.

Seeing a weaned baby is one who no longer needs its mother’s milk. There’s no fussing or grasping for nourishment, rather he’s simply content to rest in his mother’s warm embrace.

To practice true humility, or the Hebrew word “anavah,” it is to renounce ambition in all its insidious forms. As Jesus’ disciples we follow Him with our cross. That cross puts the end of our old life. And we die daily. And it is obvious to all.

“And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”

John 13:14-16

“We had long known the Lord without realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart should be the distinguishing feature of the disciple.”

Andrew Murray

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Two Measly Pennies

Mark 12:41-44

“And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. ⁴²And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. ⁴³And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. ⁴⁴For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

It wasn’t much but it’s all I had. Some would laugh, most would scorn–but truthfully, I really wasn’t giving my money, I was giving my heart. That’s all I had.

When my husband died, I was left with very little. What I did have I hid in a hole in the wall, but I was concerned, money was going out and nothing was coming in. Often I sat on my stool and stared at that hole, and often I was frightened. There is nothing to live on. What was I going to do?

Please understand. No one was going to help me.

I got up one morning to pull out the leather sack, all that was there were two pennies. That’s it. Two very small pennies, and that’s all I had to live on! I knew that this day would come, but it seemed to come so soon. I was afraid of what life was going to bring next.

————————–

Jesus sat watching the crowd in the Temple with the twelve. Occasionally there was a procession: trumpets blowing and bright banners waving. Another rich man announced to everyone that he was coming to contribute to the Temple. There were six stone receptacles placed in strategic spots, where people could tithe as the Law required of every Jew.

Jesus was watching all of this.

Suddenly an old woman came to give, and there were no trumpets, no fanfare. She simply came to give what she had–two very small copper pennies. Just two pennies. Most would laugh I suppose. After all, the rich were dropping in thousands of silver.

It was funny, but Jesus turned to His disciples. They sat and listened carefully to what He had to say:

“Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box.”

They gasped as they struggled to understand the Teacher. It seemed idiotic, but Jesus often said many outrageous things. You could see their minds working to grip this. It made absolutely zero sense.

“For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

The twelve were dumbfounded. (Again.)

———————-

When I gave, I gave my heart. I now had nothing, but a strange peace came over me. I rejoiced to do this, to give to God and His work. Yes, I now had nothing–nothing but the grace and care of God. Maybe I was a fool. Maybe I was mad. But I knew what I wanted to do. When I threw in my two pennies, I threw myself into the heart and care of God.

What was going to happen next? I really don’t know, but God is good. I will trust my Father.

“Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. ³³Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. ³⁴For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Luke 12:33

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Art: Coin Week; verses used are from the ESV.

Breaking Down the Door

“And He said to them, “Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within and say, ‘Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’?

I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.”

Luke 11:5-8

This parable is known by some as “the Importunate Neighbor.” That’s an excellent description. Importunate is defined as being persistent, especially to the point of annoyance or intrusion. It’s tenacious and stubborn–not giving up even when being ignored, and that describes what’s happening here.

What immediately proceeds this parable is Luke’s version of the Lord’s prayer, which the disciples requested. They wanted to understand the methods and mechanics of praying–perhaps the Pharisee’s prayers weren’t quite up to snuff–they wanted more; and they insisted that Jesus instruct them.

The disciples wanted to do prayer right.

A typical Jewish home had sleeping quarters (one room!) located on a raised platform. A ladder was used to access that level (which could be crowded, sometimes two to a bed.) Often their livestock were brought inside. And when it was time to get up, everyone got up. That explains the homeowner’s reluctance to give bread to his neighbor. To get up, light a lamp, wasn’t a solitary affair.

He’s obviously unenthusiastic to make that effort.

The word used here to explain the neighbor actions is ἀναίδεια “anaídeia,” which is only used once–it’s translated as impudence, shamelessness, audacity or chutzpah. It’s a Greek word that explains the knocker’s rudeness. He won’t stop. He knocks and pounds until he gets his bread. Not having bread for his guests is unheard of, for it violates all kinds of convention.

The unwritten law of Jewish hospitality demanded action.

This is part of Jesus’ view on prayer. It means we must be inappropriate sometimes–even to the point were we are being rude.

Immediately following this parable (the very next thought) are the following instructions:

“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Luke 11:9-10

Perhaps it’s a matter of forcefulness?

We “pray” but don’t insist. We desire but don’t demand. Maybe it takes a certain shamelessness to make prayer work. Jesus emphasizes a necessary attitude to praying God’s way. It’s never automatic, but in this parable we see words that move the Father’s heart, and loosen his hand. In Jesus’ teaching, prayer means effort.

It means spiritual work. He wants us to know this. It is important.

“There is neither encouragement nor room in Bible religion for feeble desires, listless efforts, lazy attitudes; all must be strenuous, urgent, ardent. Flamed desires, impassioned, unwearied insistence delight heaven. God would have His children incorrigibly in earnest and persistently bold in their efforts. Our whole being must be in our praying.”

E.M. Bounds

The Thief on the Cross Speaks

Luke 23:39-43

“One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” ⁴⁰But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? ⁴¹And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.”

⁴²“And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” ⁴³And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

The pain was incredible, but I know that deep down I deserved to die. But not like this. Never like this. I was almost out of my mind with fear. What they were doing to me was terrifying.

You must understand that I was a common thief. I had stolen a loaf of bread when I was eight years old and that’s how it all got started for me. It more or else got bigger and easier. I knew how to steal and I was quite good at it. I was Jacob, the master thief!

When I was finally caught, they sentenced me to die. I supposed it was inevitable. I fault no one but myself as I knew what I was getting into. As I dragged my beam up to Golgotha, it was really strange but I suddenly remembered a verse from the scripture and it really did unsettle me.

“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.”

(Gal. 3:13, ES V )

Many hope for an easy death, maybe in their sleep–but that’s not going to happen to us.

The third man could only mock, he was afraid, and I suppose he just echoed those Pharisees who didn’t really understand. But I knew better. I knew who this other man was, I had heard all the stories. Deep down I knew that this man on the center cross was the Messiah.

A crowd had gathered to watch us die. The Romans in their wonderful ingenuity had made a sign that they nailed above Jesus’ head, and it declared to everyone that Jesus was “the king of the Jews.” Even as he was dying, they found a way to malign him and irritate the crowd.

The other man being crucified continued to mock Jesus, and it infuriated me.

Why I defended him I don’t know for sure.

But I understood. Jesus was murdered out of the envy and jealousy of the Pharisees. He didn’t deserve to die like this, but He was hated, and who can confront these religious men without becoming a victim. Jesus had repeatedly crossed the line, so now they were now putting him to death. It seemed evil was really winning today.

I saw the soldiers throwing dice for Jesus’ clothes. He was now being mocked by them as well, even as He was dying on a brutal cross.

But all of a sudden it all made perfect sense.

He really was the Messiah, and these bastards were killing him. Crucifixion was starting to work on me now. I began to choke on my words, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“Jesus… please remember me. When your kingdom comes, please let me be a part of it.”

And as beaten as He was, He managed to turn and look directly at me. They had whipped and brutalized Him, and yet He was still aware. His words were whispered now, but I understood. “I promise that today you will be with me in paradise.”

I was starting to spasm again.

But the horror of death had left me. Some time had passed, and I could hear his breathing stop. But for the first time, I had peace. They used a spear on Jesus, but he was already dead.

The soldiers now came to the two of us, and they were carrying an ax to break our legs. It all had to do with the coming festival, and the Pharisees wanted us dead. When they swung that ax I knew a pain that I could never describe. My own death came quickly after that.

I was suddenly standing in paradise, whole and complete, and loved.

Someone was standing before me. He was shining, and I knew he was powerful; stronger, and He was more glorious than anyone I had ever met. It was crazy but somehow I knew that it was the Lord Jesus. He had come to meet me. It’s funny, but I realized that somehow I really did belong. Me–a dirty rotten thief.

Jesus had promised me, pronouncing me righteous, me of all people. I suddenly had a joy that I could never explain. I really was a part of the Kingdom that was beyond anything I had ever known. I believed him and asked if somehow I could be part of his eternal rule.

I simply asked and He gave me everything.

“I am going to heaven just like the thief on the cross who said in that final last moment: “Lord remember me.”

Billy Graham

Cover Art: “Christ on the Cross between Two Thieves,” by Peter Paul Rubens

Straining at Your Oars

“He saw the disciples straining at the oars because the wind was against them.”

Mark 6:48

It’s good to know that Jesus sees our labor and effort. He truly understands all that concerns us, and He perceives every issue that matters most to us. Attentive and keenly aware He comes to our boat. It’s quite common for us to think that he isn’t aware, and we may feel that He’ll pass us by without a word. But that is not the case at all.

The Greek word for “against them” is ἐναντίος, and it means “opposed as an adversary, hostile, antagonistic.” I suppose that explains much to a believer who sees the wind doing awful things; that which is savage and difficult and contrary.

But Jesus watches over us, all the time. He is completely aware of you.

He knows all about our battle, the fight we have with our flesh, the difficulty we have with the challenging people in our lives. I often struggle to steer my boat. Jesus knows when and why I labor like I do. And He doesn’t condemn me.

The disciples were straining very hard to keep the boat afloat.

Every oar was being used and every man had his seat. They must work together. Some were frantically bailing, and a couple gripped the tiller. Considerable effort was being expended but to no avail. The wind pushed harder against them. This is perplexing. If you remember, they’re simply trying to obey the command of Jesus to cross the sea.

Why do things have to be so difficult?

I’m intrigued by believers who expect sunshine, blue sky, and red roses because they are doing God’s will. They don’t seem to think through the issues of conflict and challenge, weakness and weariness.

“It is necessary to go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.”

Acts 14:22

To do God’s will often means that there will be a headwind directly at us.

The seas will become impossible, and we may even be driven back. But special comfort comes when we realize we’re being watched. Jesus is doing constant surveillance on us, and He sees our toil on the oars. He comes to us, walking on the water.

Even in our storm, our hearts can rejoice.

“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age”

Matthew 28:20

I Couldn’t Follow Him

Mark 10:17-22

As he was starting out on a trip, a man came running to him and knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to get to heaven?”

¹⁸“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good! ¹⁹But as for your question—you know the commandments: don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, respect your father and mother.”

²⁰“Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve never once broken a single one of those laws.”

²¹Jesus felt genuine love for this man as he looked at him. “You lack only one thing,” he told him; “go and sell all you have and give the money to the poor—and you shall have treasure in heaven—and come, follow me.”

²²Then the man’s face fell, and he went sadly away, for he was very rich.

My name is inconsequential. I suppose all you must know of me is I tried to keep God’s Law and that I was very wealthy. Many believed that being rich was evidence that God approved of me. Of that, I wasn’t too sure. I kept the Law out of fear I suppose, and at times I just knew it wasn’t quite enough.

As I studied I began to realize that riches weren’t going to make me righteous. There was enough Scripture in me to let me know that it wasn’t enough. The prophets, especially Isaiah spoke about the deadliness of wealth, but there was that one verse in Proverbs that really disturbed me:

“Your riches won’t help you on Judgment Day; only righteousness counts then.”

(Proverbs 11:4.)

This verse (and all of the others) were the cause of many a sleepless night.

I was tormented by the reality of standing before God with nothing but my money to cover me. Coming under God’s righteous judgment haunted me. I thought of it day and night. I was terrified of being damned. My own righteousness wasn’t enough, and I knew it.

I heard about Jesus (and who hasn’t), and some were boldly claiming that he was the Messiah. He was at least a wonderful teacher and many said he worked powerful miracles, and perhaps he had answers for me. I hoped so, but I needed to know. It was my questions that drove me to find him.

And finding him was easy–I just followed the crowd.

I got ahead of everybody. I knelt in his path and waited. I must know what he thought I should do. When he stood before me I asked the question that had haunted me my whole life–“Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?”

Jesus looked right at me. I knew deep down that he loved me.

But oh those words, his words really disturbed me. He told me that I only lacked one thing, that I must sell everything and distribute the money to the poor. Only by doing that would I discover riches in heaven. And only then could I truly follow him.

But that was the thing I couldn’t do.

It was my idol, my golden calf, and it was a sacrifice that I could never make.

I’ve come to realize now, over my many years, that when I do finally stand before God, I will have nothing to save me. Jesus invited me to follow, and I couldn’t and I didn’t. I won’t.

And that my friend, means I will die unforgiven.

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

Mark 8:36, KJV

The Man on the Other Cross

And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Luke 23:39-43, ESV

The pain was incredible, but I know that deep down I deserved to die. But not like this. Never like this. I was almost out of my mind with fear. What they were about to do to me was terrifying.

You must understand that I was just a common thief. I had stolen a loaf of bread when I was eight years old and that’s how it all got started for me. It more or else got bigger and easier. I knew how to steal and I was quite good at it. I was Jacob, the master thief!

When I was finally caught, they had sentenced me to die.

I supposed it was inevitable. I fault no one but myself, I knew what I was getting into. As I dragged my beam up to Golgotha, it was really strange but I suddenly remembered a verse from the scripture and it really did unsettle me.

“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.”

It’s a terrible thing to die this way. There were three of us, nailed to the wood and lifted up between heaven and earth. Jesus was nailed to the middle cross, not that it really mattered; all three of us were going to die today. Many hope for a simple and easy death, maybe in their sleep–but that’s not going to happen to us.

The other man being crucified continued to mock Jesus, and it infuriated me.

Why I defended him I don’t know for sure.

But I understood. He was being murdered out of envy and jealousy. He didn’t deserve to die like this, but the powers that be hated him, and who can confront these religious men without becoming a victim. Jesus had repeatedly crossed the line, so now they were now putting him to death. It seemed evil was really winning today.

I saw the soldiers throwing dice for Jesus’ clothes. He was now being mocked by them as well, even as he was dying on a brutal cross.

But all of a sudden it all made perfect sense, he really was the Messiah, and these bastards were killing him. Crucifixion was starting to work on me now. I began to choke on my words, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“Jesus… please remember me. When your Kingdom comes, please let me be a part of it.”

And as beaten as he was, he managed to turn and look directly at me. They had whipped and brutalized him, and yet he was still aware. His words were whispered now, but I understood. “I promise that today you will be with me in paradise.”

I was starting to spasm again, but the horror of death had left me. Some time had passed, and I could hear his breathing stop. But for the first time, I had peace. They used a spear on Jesus, but he was already dead.

The soldiers now came to the two of us, and they were carrying an ax to break our legs. It all had to do with the coming festival, and the Pharisees wanted us dead. When they swung that ax I knew pain that I could never describe. My own death came quickly after that.

I was suddenly standing in paradise, whole and complete.

Someone was standing before me. He was shining I remember, and I knew he was powerful; stronger, and he was more glorious than anyone I had ever met. It was crazy but somehow I knew that he was an angel and he had been sent to meet me. It’s funny, but I realized that somehow I really did belong. Me–a dirty rotten thief.

Jesus had promised me, he had pronounced me righteous, me of all people.

I suddenly had a joy that I could never explain. I really was a part of the Kingdom that was beyond anything I had ever known. And all I can really say about this was that I was privileged to die with him. That is all I could claim. I simply believed him and asked if somehow I could be part of his eternal rule.

I simply asked and you know what, He gave me everything.

And so, I’ll see you in heaven.

Cover Art: “Christ on the Cross between Two Thieves,” by Peter Paul Rubens