desperate – Alaska Bible Teacher

Failure, Fish and Forgiveness

“Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.” “We’ll come, too,” they all said. So, they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night.”

John 21:3

This verse has always got me thinking. I can’t help but wonder why Peter pulled that move. Jesus had put so much effort into His disciples, and still, they just disappeared back to the boat and nets. I guess they just went back to what they knew best—fishing.

I’ve always wondered why. Why return to their lives after Jesus called them from their old lives?

Now there are two views: one suggests Peter acted wisely, while the other sees him as compromised and shaken by his denial and failure as a disciple, buckling under challenge from a servant girl.

So, Simon Peter, and seven others pile in a boat and returned to what Jesus called them from. They revert to their old ways. That’s understandable, but that doesn’t make it right. I think Peter was a little singed when he denied Jesus by the fire.

Peter was about to be restored by Jesus around another fire.

Since Peter had publicly denied Jesus three times, he was now required to respond to three equally public questions. It is noteworthy that this exchange took place openly, reflecting the very nature of his previous denial. Furthermore, it is reasonable to believe that from this moment onward, Peter would lead not from a position of strength, but from a place of profound vulnerability.

Luke 5

In Luke 5, we read of the beginning when they caught absolutely nothing, a moment that embodies the frustration and despair often faced by those who toil without reward. Peter and his crew had fished all night long, diligently casting their nets into the dark waters, yet they had zero to show for it, each failed attempt serving as a reminder of their limitations.

John 21

Pretty much the same thing happened in John 21, where once again the disciples returned to the beach empty-handed after a long night of labor. These stories resonate deeply with us, illustrating the struggles of persistence in the face of apparent failure, while ultimately leading to a greater revelation of hope and fulfillment that follows such trying times.

God’s grace homes in on Peter’s heart.

Both Peter’s calling and Peter’s reinstatement involve a miraculous catch of fish. Luke 5 and John 21 become a fascinating pivot-point for Peter’s walk. Both reveal Jesus’ power and love. Both declare His commitment to Peter.

Man has one desperate need. That is for forgiveness.

Are you frustrated with your discipleship? Are you tempted to return to the things of the past?

Jesus is patiently waiting for you on the beach, full of love and commitment. His promises hold strong and are ever true. Through His own sacrifice and the precious gift of His blood, He has already paid the ransom for you—a deep, unbreakable covenant of love.

He is still your Savior. He knew all your sins, and dark failure. He knew all of this before you were even born.

“Jesus Christ became Incarnate for one purpose, to make a way back to God that man might stand before Him as He was created to do, the friend and lover of God Himself.”

Oswald Chambers

You’re a Steward of Your Pain

Some time ago I came across a story that connected. It seems a visiting speaker came and stood in front of a congregation. He shared a painful incident from his childhood. He wanted to bring healing to others. After he spoke, an elder came and spoke to him–

“You have learned how to become a proper steward of your pain.”

The visiting speaker was profoundly touched by this. Finally, something came together in his heart and soul. Yes, he did learn how to deal scripturally with those ugly things from his past. He was becoming a proper steward of his pain.

The word for steward in the original Greek is oikonomos. It literally means “a keeper of a home.” It describes a manager, a superintendent to whom the head of the house or proprietor has entrusted the management of his affairs, the diligent care of receipts and expenditures.

The issue seems to be of management, how can God use these awful things for building His Kingdom?

No question about it, we live in a world of darkness. Each of us has been touched by hard things. Scars are part of our lives. When we come to Christ they come with us. All of these grim things are a real piece of us, we have been hurt (or maybe we’ve wounded others?)

Are you a good steward of who you are? Whether you’ve experienced trauma–something physical, sexual, or perhaps a mental illness. It could be any scar you carry from your past, and no one is immune from them it seems. You’ll find freedom if you can use these things for Him and his Kingdom.

We must see and understand that Jesus has taken everything and redeems it all for His glory.

He understands us fully–our past, present, and future. He ‘knows’ us–the real and hidden us. The challenge I suppose is to take these sad events to the throne. He alone can heal and then use that which has devastated us. What was intended to destroy is now meant to build.

Satan has afflicted you in his dark attempt to destroy you.

Jesus intervenes to save. As we grow to accept this, the Holy Spirit comes as our comforter and guide. He starts to teach us true redemption, and the incredible healing that he brings with him. It really is his work, not ours. We finally understand. It’s then we become broken healers that God can use.

His light has truly overcome our dark.

We’re being taught (sometimes very slowly) to carry all of these things and plead the blood of Jesus over our past. He covers us completely. He has redeemed us. Luke 1:68 explains much clearer than I can:

“Blessed is the Lord, the God of Israel because he has visited and provided redemption for his people.”

Becoming a steward of our pain is his doing. We’re able to touch others with these things that would cripple and destroy others. He has made us “managers” of these things, and we are taught to teach others, declaring that God has completely saved us. He works miracles!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!”

2 Corinthians 5:17

We’ll sovereignly meet those who need to hear our story. We’re being transformed into authentic witnesses. Yes, at times these awful things still hurt, and I suppose that’s to be expected. But we’re learning to manage them. We’ve become real-life stewards of our pain.

“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

Romans 8:28

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Dancing With Bruises

Dancers are some of the most talented people I know. Their gracefulness is truly amazing. But a dancer’s training is far from easy. By choosing to become dancers they have made a decision to absorb the pain of the dance.

Their toes and feet are blistered and bruised–they take constant abuse. Some live with chronic tendonitis, and their feet bleed sometimes, pain is their constant companion, but you know what? They still choose to dance. It’s what they were born to do.

Two things to consider.

They choose to dance. Dancers must operate with an iron will and an elegant grace. I suppose that is why they can dance the way they do. They have painfully blended the two. We see the elegance, but don’t see the pain.
The scars and bruises often become “badges of honor.” They would rather dance in pain, than not dance at all.

I once heard someone describe depression as having a mental bruise. I think I understand this.

As one prone to depression, I know what it is like to bury myself in my bed for weeks at a time. My own mental bruise was simply more than I could take. There was a sensation of sinking into blackness, a sense of total and complete despair. I felt lost and completely alone.

I prayed. I groaned, and I prayed again.

My sense of being totally lost in sad, dark thoughts was beyond comprehension. Dear reader, this was something quite real, and you must become aware of these things. Over 25% of people are diagnosed with depression sometime in their life.

Maybe some of your friends are suffering this way? It’s often hidden by a fake smile, but it’s there and you don’t even know it.

We would never say that diabetics are that way because of the enemy. The dark one will surely exploit it, but I think you give him far too much credit if you suggest he was able to initiate it. I don’t think Satan has the spiritual “voltage.” He often uses depression to “set his hooks” in a person.

I refuse to hide my mental bruises from those who share my pain. I will make the choice to dance. I’m bruised, but I will try to ignore the pain. God meets me with an extra helping of His grace and mercy. I want to exult in God, walk in His love, and “leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture” (Malachi 4:2.)

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.”

Isaiah 42:3

The great pastor/evangelist Charles Spurgeon once spoke about his own personal battle with depression:

“I find myself frequently depressed – perhaps more so than any other person here. And I find no better cure for that depression than to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and seek to realize afresh the power of the peace-speaking blood of Jesus, and His infinite love in dying upon the cross to put away all my transgressions.”

When Pain is All You Can Think About

Sometimes we live in darkness. We suffer and it’s hard. We mentally accept God’s grace and His love for us, but in our heart we remain untouched. Pain saturates everything it seems. We seem to go through the motions, but deep down we’re convinced that we’ll never find the light that so many claim to have.

Since I have a disability I realize I learn things others won’t grasp. I’m learning to embrace the waves that push me to the rock–the Rock of ages. I suppose when I meet Him I’ll understand why it had to be so.

My hope is real. Heaven is home. My pain will be healed.

There is a language of heaven spoken, and those who have suffered speak a dialect of that. Just as someone from Georgia communicates English, their dialect is obvious. The same for those who live in pain. We speak the same, but differently.

Pain sometimes saturates our lives.

We live with something that is persistent, and our hope is a day when it’s all over. Psalm 88 becomes our Psalm. Nothing here is sugar-coated. It is raw and unabridged. It puts our pain under a microscope. That Psalm is entirely yours.

“For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am a man who has no strength,”

Psalm 88:3-4

“I am certain that I never did grow in grace one-half so much anywhere as I have upon the bed of pain.”

Charles Spurgeon

Punched in the Face

Once I was punched in the face while preaching. At the time I was an evangelist with SOS Ministries in 1987. I was leading a group to Haight/Ashbury St. in San Francisco. I remember it was really busy, and it was a good team, and they were excited to take their church to the streets.

Haight/Ashbury was the place the “summer of love” kicked off, it peaked in 1968. It has a certain sense of notoriety, and even in 1983 it still had a dubious reputation as a center of the counter-culture. “A cult a day is born in San Francisco,” a pastor friend once shared with me.

Normally the neighborhood where I took a team would direct me on how to preach. Tonight especially I focused on God’s love for sinful people.

That message seemed appropriate for this place, especially on this street. God loves these people very much.

A young man came forward. He told me that he was a backslidden Christian, and his father was an Assembly of God pastor. He had run away from home. Suddenly he began to weep. The entire team seemed to lean forward and I know they were praying earnestly for him. It seemed to me that he was teetering on the brink.

His punch however came unexpectedly.

His fist hit me square in the nose. My eyes began to water. Oddly enough he took a step back and began to really cry out. My team wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but I hoped they prayed even harder. I sort of gasped and tried to shake it off. Someone must have called the police.

The Holy Spirit was very much present, both convicting and comforting each of us.

One or two minutes went by and suddenly he stopped sobbing and he became really angry. He took a step and then tried to kick me in the stomach, but I dropped the mic and caught his foot. I was ready for him this time.

About 20 minutes went by before SFPD showed up and asked if I wanted to press charges. I thought for a bit, but deep down I knew that wasn’t the will of my Father. Maybe I should of, I don’t know. But I thought about my own sin and couldn’t judge no one.

The Father was reaching him while teaching me!

God loves His prodigal children very much, He understands the guilt and shame (and frustration) they feel. The Father however is always watching and waiting. He works through life’s circumstances to lead them home. Each belongs to Him. He continues far past what we think is possible. He will never give up.

“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

1 John 3:16

I suddenly saw a “wounded” brother, very confused and quite angry. Not with me, the team, or the music–but with God who created him, and died for him.

At that moment in time, I just happened to be God’s love for this prodigal.

God Can Forgive the Worst

God’s temple was now filled with an evil darkness. King Manasseh made the Lord’s holy place a fountain of sin and filth. Instead of holiness, it was an evil place.

He brought in dark things that were twisted, perverted and clearly forbidden.

“Manasseh led Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem astray, to do more evil than the nations whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel.”

2 Chronicles 33:9, ESV

His own darkness was now encouraged by others, it became accessible, available and promoted:

The high places were rebuilt throughout the land.
Altars to Baal rebuilt, using images of wood.
In the holy temple, altars to the “starry host,” astrology, plain and simple.
Human sacrifice of his own sons to Molech, a false god. Murder.
He practiced soothsaying, used witchcraft and sorcery, and consulted mediums and spiritists.

Evil was being encouraged and something wicked was replacing all that was good and true. The analysis of Manasseh’s policies was way beyond disturbing. Of all the kings of Judah, he was the most sinful and the most corrupt. He was at the bottom of the barrel.

The Hebrew word for “led astray” can be translated seduced.

Manasseh was an incredibly immoral man, a king who ruled for 40 years. “He did all he could to pervert the national character, and totally destroy the worship of the true God; and he succeeded.” (Clarke)

It’s believed that he put Isaiah to death by cutting him in two.

Moreover Manasseh shed very much innocent blood, till he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another, besides his sin by which he made Judah sin, in doing evil in the sight of the LORD.

1 Kings 21:16

But then something happened.

And the LORD spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they would not listen. Therefore the LORD brought upon them the captains of the army of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh with hooks, bound him with bronze fetters, and carried him off to Babylon.

2 Chronicles 33:10-11

Assyria came knocking on Manasseh’s door. I think there was a certain mercy here, but also discipline. Manasseh had “hooks,” inserted through his jaw and out of his mouth. Like a fish he was led to Babylon, a trophy of the power of the army of Babylon.

It was from a dark dungeon that Manasseh cried out to the Lord and repented.

(2 Chronicles 33:12-13.)

There’s a Jewish fable that when Manasseh cried out to God the angels boarded up the windows in heaven. They wanted to block out his prayer so God wouldn’t be able to hear. But God, rich in mercy, bored a hole in front of His throne to hear Manasseh’s desperate cry.

The Lord’s intention was to forever show His kindness and grace given to the most awful repentant sinner.

I believe that Manasseh was the “Prodigal Son” of the Old Testament.

God is not at a loss when He moves to bring us back to Himself. He can woo or whip. He can draw or drive. He can work rapidly or slowly, as He pleases. In other words, He is free to be God! And in His own way, at His own pace, He brings us back.

Tom Wells

God is wildly in love with you. Yes, the sin you’ve committed is awful, but the Lord wants you to come back. He may discipline you, but He forgives everything if you’ll turn and repent.

No matter how awful your sin, He forgives and restores. Manasseh is proof of that.

Sources:

2 Chronicles 33:1-20

2 Kings 21:1-18

Enduring Word commentary

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What Jesus Wants Us to Know About God

¹⁴After he had spent everything, a severe famine struck that country, and he had nothing. ¹⁵Then he went to work for one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶He longed to eat his fill from the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one would give him anything. ¹⁷When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired workers have more than enough food, and here I am dying of hunger! ¹⁸I’ll get up, go to my father, and say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. ¹⁹I’m no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired workers.”’

²⁰So he got up and went to his father. But while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. ²¹The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I’m no longer worthy to be called your son.’

²²“But the father told his servants, ‘Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³Then bring the fattened calf and slaughter it, and let’s celebrate with a feast, ²⁴because this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ So they began to celebrate.

Luke 15:14-24

Sometimes, when reading this we diminish this parable to a really nice story, but nothing more. It comforts us. It’s so evocative after all, but somehow it never enters our spiritual hearts like it’s meant to. We may mentally assent but we do not absorb what it really says.

In Luke 15 everything is lost, but is finally found. Luke 15 also has incredible theology, and is meant to jolt us like a spiritual defibrillator.

Luke 15 is magnificent in the deepest sense of the word.

The Parable of the Prodigal Son is Mt. Everest of the Bible. It requires believers to read it often and prayerfully.

Our Father runs to us because He sees our desperate hearts. His joy can’t be explained but only received. It’s just the way He is.

Just perhaps it will take an eternity to understand this simple parable? If so, we should get started now.

There are just three characters here in Luke 15:14-24: there’s the Father, the son, and the elder brother–and each plays an integral part. The prodigal is the main character, yet the father is the main focus. The son is a wastrel, a good-for-nothing rascal who blows his father’s inheritance on parties, booze, and prostitutes. He lives for the moment, he seeks pleasure in those things which will come very close to destroying him.

But haven’t we all done that?

The father represents God, who represents the loving patriarch of the parable. He’s the one who has turned over the prodigal’s portion of the inheritance. To a degree I suppose he has funded the prodigal’s descent into depravity, and yet it was the son who decided to go crazy. The father is certainly not to blame.

But nevertheless, in this story, the father is the main character. Not the prodigal.

His actions are very difficult to grasp. God behaves outrageously, and His character is difficult to understand or fathom. (After all, who acts this way?) Granted we think our earthly fathers might do this for us–but even that may be a stretch for some. Yet this parable describes how God feels about sinners.

God loves sinners who know they are sinners.
He is the only God who runs.
He is extravagant.

Finding the Feet of Jesus

A terrific study is finding the people who fell at Jesus’ feet. Tucked in the Gospels you’ll find stories of those who despair. You’ll also see them come to Jesus in brokenness and humility, without any other recourse. I call these the “people of the feet.”

They came to Jesus because they had no hope otherwise. They were people who were hopeless and wretched, they had long ago run out of options. They came to Jesus, falling down in front of Him. They were all people of the feet.

They were men and women who were truly desperate.

There are some common characteristics that feet-finders have:

A great need that can’t be met without His touch
To understand one’s true condition–humility, brokenness
To beg for a healing, for self or family
To honor Jesus as the Messiah
To be more receptive to His teaching, to understand Him
To become a witness to others (although it does seem secondary)

“But immediately a woman whose little daughter had an unclean spirit heard of him and came and fell down at his feet.“

Mark 7:25

“Then people went out to see what had happened, and they came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had gone, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind.”

Luke 8:35

But there are several other instances where people came to sit at Jesus’ feet:

Mark 5:22-23, Jairus, a leader in the local synagogue
Luke 7:37-38, a sorrowing mother for her daughter
Luke 8:41, also Jairus
Luke 10:39, Mary, when Jesus was teaching
John 11:32, Mary, meeting Jesus entering Bethany
John 12:3, Mary, with her perfume
Revelation 1:17, John to express what he was seeing (also 19:10)

In every case we find people consciously coming and kneeling at the feet of the Lord Jesus. It was a deliberate action that came from their hearts. Each had a terrible need, and each was without hope.

It’s the end of religion if you’re a feet-finder. No more facades, no more treadmills. Instead your heart forever changes.

Hardly decent to religious people.

Are you really that desperate yet? Have you seen your need, and do you realize how lost you would be without His healing touch?

I’m convinced only Jesus can make me clean and whole.

But I found my rightful place at His feet. It’s where I belong. I love Him.

I’m not ashamed to be found kneeling.

Our Miracle in Mexico

What happened was nothing less than a miracle. Let me explain and let you be the judge. Over the years of ministry I’ve heard the Lord speak clearly at different times. He has this tendency to overcome confusion and doubt to make His will super clear.

In 1995 we were sent by our church to Mexico to assist a church/mission station. We would be their first missionaries in Baja California. We knew we were called, and we also understood that it would definitely be challenging (and it was). We made a three year commitment.

We took Spanish at King’s Way Missionary Institute in McAllen, Texas. It was there we met another couple who would be working 40 miles south of where we were going. We agreed that once school was done we would travel together.

Now this is where it gets interesting.

We left south Texas and convoyed to San Diego. When we hit New Mexico the heat got terrible and my car didn’t have AC. The couple we were travelling with was pulling a trailer and couldn’t travel over 45 mph. It was over 100 F., I remember looking at our kids in the backseat and they were sprawled out, they were on the verge of heat stroke.

Now please bear with me.

Then something quite amazing happened!

There are several lanes available at the border crossing–they’re always backed up with 20 cars in each lane. So I pulled into one waiting for my turn to be inspected. Suddenly I heard honking behind me. I looked in my rear view to see what the deal was. It was our friends we had left back in New Mexico. They were in the car directly behind me!

My brain immediately started to calculate the odds.

It was then I heard Him speak to me.

Our three years were very difficult. We lived in a very old and very small “burned out” trailer, with no electricity or running water. We had a 55 gallon drum that was filled occasionally by a water truck. We had to boil it to kill the mosquito larva.

I killed rattlesnakes and battled with black widow spiders, and hundreds of tarantulas that wanted to nest on the property.

To know that God was taking care of us, had led us, and was using us was comforting. When things got very hard that experience at the border would comfort us repeatedly. It gave us confidence in His purposes for us being there. He put us there, and would not leave us.

When we left Mexico I was a little bit discouraged. “Where is the fruit?” About 6 months after returning to the Bay Area, I was in church when one of the elders came up to inform me that one of the leaders in our Mexico church had named their newborn son after me–Bryan Allen Rodriquez!

That news staggered me, it was like a 2×4 up the side of my head. They saw our steadfastness and wanted to name their son after me. That pretty much undid me. I admit that since then, I’ve struggled with this. I guess you can never fully understand your impact on others.

“You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.”

Psalm 40:5, ESV

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Are You Wearing White?

“They stand before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,”

Rev. 7:9, ESV

We fail to grasp the essence of grace and its significance.

When we speak about grace, we must define it. First, grace is a free gift and kindness from God that people do not earn or deserve. When we appropriate grace as believers we understand that it gives us the power and gifts to live biblically and faithfully. We see that grace is given for both salvation and service.

Sometimes we forget this. I wonder sometimes if we’re ‘allergic’ to God’s grace.

We fall into the trap of work and legalism! I often lose sight of my true identity before a holy God, as unmerited favor tragically tries to become merited favor. This is not biblical; it is a distortion of the truth!

OK. What about repentance? We must understand that we’re called to renounce our sin and utterly turn from it. You are called to live holy and free. When Jesus met the adulteress who was about to be stoned, He forgave her, but He also commanded her:

“Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” ¹¹She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

John 8:10-11

The whole incident was grace, and this woman was receiving the unmerited favor of Jesus. She deserved death, she should have been stoned. But the first thing after her salvation was to live differently. This was a command to turn away from the sin which was going to destroy her.

I’m amazed by this grace.

Remember the thief hanging on the cross, consider the prodigal son, or the tax man Zaccheus. All three intrigue me as they found favor without meeting our own definition of repentance. Salvation seems to come by grace through faith alone.

Perhaps grace includes both faith and repentance? I must think about this more.

Brennan Manning compassionately comments on God’s grace:

“Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands.

I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me that she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son.

I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could faced with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged his people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love.

The sexually abused teen molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last ‘trick’, whispers the name of the unknown God he learned about in Sunday school.

‘But how?’ We should ask.

Then the voice says, ‘They have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’

There they are. There we are – the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life’s tribulations, but through it all clung to faith.

My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace.”