Category: suffering

You’re a Steward of Your Pain

Some time ago I came across a story that connected. It seems a visiting speaker came and stood in front of a congregation. He shared a painful incident from his childhood. He wanted to bring healing to others. After he spoke, an elder came and spoke to him–

“You have learned how to become a proper steward of your pain.”

The visiting speaker was profoundly touched by this. Finally, something came together in his heart and soul. Yes, he did learn how to deal scripturally with those ugly things from his past. He was becoming a proper steward of his pain.

The word for steward in the original Greek is oikonomos. It literally means “a keeper of a home.” It describes a manager, a superintendent to whom the head of the house or proprietor has entrusted the management of his affairs, the diligent care of receipts and expenditures.

The issue seems to be of management, how can God use these awful things for building His Kingdom?

No question about it, we live in a world of darkness. Each of us has been touched by hard things. Scars are part of our lives. When we come to Christ they come with us. All of these grim things are a real piece of us, we have been hurt (or maybe we’ve wounded others?)

Are you a good steward of who you are? Whether you’ve experienced trauma–something physical, sexual, or perhaps a mental illness. It could be any scar you carry from your past, and no one is immune from them it seems. You’ll find freedom if you can use these things for Him and his Kingdom.

We must see and understand that Jesus has taken everything and redeems it all for His glory.

He understands us fully–our past, present, and future. He ‘knows’ us–the real and hidden us. The challenge I suppose is to take these sad events to the throne. He alone can heal and then use that which has devastated us. What was intended to destroy is now meant to build.

Satan has afflicted you in his dark attempt to destroy you.

Jesus intervenes to save. As we grow to accept this, the Holy Spirit comes as our comforter and guide. He starts to teach us true redemption, and the incredible healing that he brings with him. It really is his work, not ours. We finally understand. It’s then we become broken healers that God can use.

His light has truly overcome our dark.

We’re being taught (sometimes very slowly) to carry all of these things and plead the blood of Jesus over our past. He covers us completely. He has redeemed us. Luke 1:68 explains much clearer than I can:

“Blessed is the Lord, the God of Israel because he has visited and provided redemption for his people.”

Becoming a steward of our pain is his doing. We’re able to touch others with these things that would cripple and destroy others. He has made us “managers” of these things, and we are taught to teach others, declaring that God has completely saved us. He works miracles!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!”

2 Corinthians 5:17

We’ll sovereignly meet those who need to hear our story. We’re being transformed into authentic witnesses. Yes, at times these awful things still hurt, and I suppose that’s to be expected. But we’re learning to manage them. We’ve become real-life stewards of our pain.

“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

Romans 8:28

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Dancing With Bruises

Dancers are some of the most talented people I know. Their gracefulness is truly amazing. But a dancer’s training is far from easy. By choosing to become dancers they have made a decision to absorb the pain of the dance.

Their toes and feet are blistered and bruised–they take constant abuse. Some live with chronic tendonitis, and their feet bleed sometimes, pain is their constant companion, but you know what? They still choose to dance. It’s what they were born to do.

Two things to consider.

  • They choose to dance. Dancers must operate with an iron will and an elegant grace. I suppose that is why they can dance the way they do. They have painfully blended the two. We see the elegance, but don’t see the pain.
  • The scars and bruises often become “badges of honor.” They would rather dance in pain, than not dance at all.

I once heard someone describe depression as having a mental bruise. I think I understand this. 

As one prone to depression, I know what it is like to bury myself in my bed for weeks at a time. My own mental bruise was simply more than I could take. There was a sensation of sinking into blackness, a sense of total and complete despair. I felt lost and completely alone.

I prayed. I groaned, and I prayed again.

My sense of being totally lost in sad, dark thoughts was beyond comprehension. Dear reader, this was something quite real, and you must become aware of these things. Over 25% of people are diagnosed with depression sometime in their life.

Maybe some of your friends are suffering this way? It’s often hidden by a fake smile, but it’s there and you don’t even know it.

We would never say that diabetics are that way because of the enemy. The dark one will surely exploit it, but I think you give him far too much credit if you suggest he was able to initiate it. I don’t think Satan has the spiritual “voltage.” He often uses depression to “set his hooks” in a person.

I refuse to hide my mental bruises from those who share my pain. I will make the choice to dance. I’m bruised, but I will try to ignore the pain. God meets me with an extra helping of His grace and mercy. I want to exult in God, walk in His love, and “leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture” (Malachi 4:2.)

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.”

Isaiah 42:3

The great pastor/evangelist Charles Spurgeon once spoke about his own personal battle with depression:

 “I find myself frequently depressed – perhaps more so than any other person here. And I find no better cure for that depression than to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and seek to realize afresh the power of the peace-speaking blood of Jesus, and His infinite love in dying upon the cross to put away all my transgressions.”

When Pain is All You Can Think About

Sometimes we live in darkness. We suffer and it’s hard. We mentally accept God’s grace and His love for us, but in our heart we remain untouched. Pain saturates everything it seems. We seem to go through the motions, but deep down we’re convinced that we’ll never find the light that so many claim to have.

Since I have a disability I realize I learn things others won’t grasp. I’m learning to embrace the waves that push me to the rock–the Rock of ages. I suppose when I meet Him I’ll understand why it had to be so.

My hope is real. Heaven is home. My pain will be healed.

There is a language of heaven spoken, and those who have suffered speak a dialect of that. Just as someone from Georgia communicates English, their dialect is obvious. The same for those who live in pain. We speak the same, but differently.

Pain sometimes saturates our lives.

We live with something that is persistent, and our hope is a day when it’s all over. Psalm 88 becomes our Psalm. Nothing here is sugar-coated. It is raw and unabridged. It puts our pain under a microscope. That Psalm is entirely yours.

“For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am a man who has no strength,”

Psalm 88:3-4

“I am certain that I never did grow in grace one-half so much anywhere as I have upon the bed of pain.”

Charles Spurgeon

God Can Forgive the Worst

God’s temple was now filled with an evil darkness. King Manasseh made the Lord’s holy place a fountain of sin and filth. Instead of holiness, it was an evil place.

He brought in dark things that were twisted, perverted and clearly forbidden.

“Manasseh led Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem astray, to do more evil than the nations whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel.”

2 Chronicles 33:9, ESV

His own darkness was now encouraged by others, it became accessible, available and promoted:

  • The high places were rebuilt throughout the land.
  • Altars to Baal rebuilt, using images of wood.
  • In the holy temple, altars to the “starry host,” astrology, plain and simple.
  • Human sacrifice of his own sons to Molech, a false god. Murder.
  • He practiced soothsaying, used witchcraft and sorcery, and consulted mediums and spiritists.

Evil was being encouraged and something wicked was replacing all that was good and true. The analysis of Manasseh’s policies was way beyond disturbing. Of all the kings of Judah, he was the most sinful and the most corrupt. He was at the bottom of the barrel.

The Hebrew word for “led astray” can be translated seduced.

Manasseh was an incredibly immoral man, a king who ruled for 40 years. “He did all he could to pervert the national character, and totally destroy the worship of the true God; and he succeeded.” (Clarke)

It’s believed that he put Isaiah to death by cutting him in two.

Moreover Manasseh shed very much innocent blood, till he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another, besides his sin by which he made Judah sin, in doing evil in the sight of the LORD.

1 Kings 21:16

But then something happened.

And the LORD spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they would not listen. Therefore the LORD brought upon them the captains of the army of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh with hooks, bound him with bronze fetters, and carried him off to Babylon.

2 Chronicles 33:10-11

Assyria came knocking on Manasseh’s door. I think there was a certain mercy here, but also discipline. Manasseh had “hooks,” inserted through his jaw and out of his mouth. Like a fish he was led to Babylon, a trophy of the power of the army of Babylon.

It was from a dark dungeon that Manasseh cried out to the Lord and repented.

(2 Chronicles 33:12-13.)

There’s a Jewish fable that when Manasseh cried out to God the angels boarded up the windows in heaven. They wanted to block out his prayer so God wouldn’t be able to hear. But God, rich in mercy, bored a hole in front of His throne to hear Manasseh’s desperate cry.

The Lord’s intention was to forever show His kindness and grace given to the most awful repentant sinner.

I believe that Manasseh was the “Prodigal Son” of the Old Testament.

God is not at a loss when He moves to bring us back to Himself. He can woo or whip. He can draw or drive. He can work rapidly or slowly, as He pleases. In other words, He is free to be God! And in His own way, at His own pace, He brings us back.

     Tom Wells

God is wildly in love with you. Yes, the sin you’ve committed is awful, but the Lord wants you to come back. He may discipline you, but He forgives everything if you’ll turn and repent.

No matter how awful your sin, He forgives and restores. Manasseh is proof of that.

Sources:

2 Chronicles 33:1-20

2 Kings 21:1-18

Enduring Word commentary

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Are You Wearing White?

“They stand before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,” 

Rev. 7:9, ESV 

We fail to grasp the essence of grace and its significance.

When we speak about grace, we must define it. First, grace is a free gift and kindness from God that people do not earn or deserve. When we appropriate grace as believers we understand that it gives us the power and gifts to live biblically and faithfully. We see that grace is given for both salvation and service. 

Sometimes we forget this. I wonder sometimes if we’re ‘allergic’ to God’s grace.

We fall into the trap of work and legalism! I often lose sight of my true identity before a holy God, as unmerited favor tragically tries to become merited favor. This is not biblical; it is a distortion of the truth!

OK. What about repentance? We must understand that we’re called to renounce our sin and utterly turn from it. You are called to live holy and free. When Jesus met the adulteress who was about to be stoned, He forgave her, but He also commanded her: 

“Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” 

John 8:10-11

The whole incident was grace, and this woman was receiving the unmerited favor of Jesus. She deserved death, she should have been stoned. But the first thing after her salvation was to live differently. This was a command to turn away from the sin which was going to destroy her. 

I’m amazed by this grace. 

Remember the thief hanging on the cross, consider the prodigal son, or the tax man Zaccheus. All three intrigue me as they found favor without meeting our own definition of repentance. Salvation seems to come by grace through faith alone. 

Perhaps grace includes both faith and repentance? I must think about this more.

Brennan Manning compassionately comments on God’s grace:

“Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands.  

I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me that she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son.  

I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could faced with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged his people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love. 

The sexually abused teen molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last ‘trick’, whispers the name of the unknown God he learned about in Sunday school. 
 
‘But how?’ We should ask. 
 
Then the voice says, ‘They have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’ 
 
There they are. There we are – the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life’s tribulations, but through it all clung to faith. 
 
My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace.” 

Is Jesus Your Friend, or Just a Doctrine?

“A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”

  ~D.L. Moody

Friendship with God can be quite liberating for the believer. It releases us from the terrible bondage of religion and ritual with all its negative connotations. Intimacy with our Lord will carry us beyond creed or doctrine to the place of true communion. We fellowship with Him directly in person.

It’s not that the Law is bad, but in the intense light of God’s love, it’s a poor substitute for real discipleship. We often put an undue value on rules and religious effort, but that misses out on grace completely. Doctrine is a good servant, but it’s a poor master.

God’s grace always trumps our legalism. Love truly surpasses rules, without breaking them.

As good evangelicals, we can talk big about “a personal relationship.” That is indeed crucial. But few are the believers that walk in a daily friendship with their Savior, and that is truly a tragedy.

As a teacher of God’s Word, I mourn over my students when they miss out on what is real and true. I’m afraid for them. They haven’t come to the place of being a friend of Jesus.

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends.”

John 15:15, ESV

Friendship with Jesus will bring true guidance. He shares secrets and wisdom with his friends. We are brought into a true knowledge of the Kingdom through companionship with the King. We are not slaves– or drones, slavishly serving out of fear. We are His confidantes.

We’re His friends!

Jesus wants to confide in us; sharing wisdom and truth hidden by time and sin. And his kingdom is chock full of great mysteries! He is looking to bring us into the willingness of daily communion. I believe its only through intimacy with Jesus can we handle what He wants to teach us. (see Psalm 25:14; John 15:15.) We will simply short-circuit if we’re not intimate with Him.

He will heal our wounds, and forgive all our sins. He is truly our Savior as well as our friend.

But that friendship comes with a price. It means we are now tethered to the Lord. That can get old, especially when I want to do my own thing. It seems I will continually have to lay something down and choose to accept being bonded with Him, and to always follow.

But my soul now has a best friend. Or just maybe, Jesus has been my friend all along, and I just didn’t know it.

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Deer Feet for the Believer

“He made my feet like the feet of a deer
    and set me secure on the heights.
35 He trains my hands for war,
    so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”

2 Samuel 22:34-35

David’s Song of Deliverance

This entire psalm was written after David was delivered from the hand of Saul. David had been a fugitive for years and had experienced extreme difficulties. He had been pushed to the brink many times, yet maintained a close walk with God.

This verse in 2 Samuel has always blessed me. The image of a deer who has been put on a mountaintop through the direct action of the Lord–it’s a place of safety, a position of victory. It comes as a decisive maneuver of the Holy Spirit.

“He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.”

Psalm 18:33

David had learned things in the wilderness that he would never have otherwise. At times life got pretty extreme for him. When he struggled it was understandable. He followed the path that God laid out. It wasn’t easy for David, but he walked in faith and not by sight.

Danger surrounded David on every side – physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially. It would come from enemies, and even from his dearest friends.

God’s people are not immune from trials. It’s good to know that these are now orchestrated by our Father, and they’re purposeful and planned.

The prophet Isaiah extends the imagery of a deer in his prophetic ministry, but adds other ideas as well. The lame, mute and the desperately thirsty are descriptive of people who are given a special grace and touch. They’re promised something. They receive the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ.

“Then shall the lame man leap like a deer,
    and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness,
    and streams in the desert;”

Isaiah 35:6

“David thought of how deer seem to skip from place to place and never lose their footing. God gave him the same kind of skill in working through the challenges brought by his enemies.”

David Guzak

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Having an Anointed Life

I have to admit, I always wondered what this verse in Psalm 23 meant. I thought “He anoints my head with oil” was a nice poetic phrase for God blessing David. But as I delved deeper into the context and explored different interpretations, a beautiful and profound meaning unfolded before my eyes.

First of all the act of anointing with oil holds significant cultural and spiritual symbolism in biblical times. It was a practice to anoint guests as a sign of honor and welcome, especially in lavish feasts and celebrations.

Anointing with oil also had medicinal purposes, as it could soothe and heal various ailments. (Now that’s interesting, I thought.)

In the context of Psalm 23, the phrase “He anoints my head with oil” takes on a deeper metaphorical meaning. It signifies God’s abundant blessings, His provision, and His care for His people. Just as a host anoints the head of a guest as an act of honor and hospitality, God lovingly anoints us with blessings and favor.

Moreover, the act of anointing with oil has spiritual connotations. In ancient religious rituals, anointing with oil was a sign of consecration, setting apart someone or something for a holy purpose.

This verse also portrays a practical picture of medicinal shepherding.

In biblical times, shepherds used oil to treat and protect the sheep’s wounds and keep insects away from their heads. By anointing our heads with oil, God brings healing and comfort to our brokenness, soothing our hurts and protecting us from the turmoil of life.

Sheep often can do harmful things to themselves as they try to find relief from flies and ticks.

Their ears and eyes can be targets for tormenting insects as well.

Sheep have been known to bash their heads against rock walls to dislodge flies from their ears, noses, and eyes. A good shepherd watches closely over his flock. He watches over them carefully.

A good shepherd knows that poured out oil forms a barrier of protection against these things that would try to destroy the sheep.

Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil?

Psalm 23 as a whole beautifully paints a picture of God as our loving and caring Shepherd, guiding us, providing for us, and protecting us. The imagery of anointing with oil further illuminates the depth of His love and the extent of His care. It reminds us that we are chosen and cherished by God, and that His blessings are abundant and unending.

But ask yourself these questions. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them?

The Holy Spirit can come with His endless supply of oil!

“You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.”

Psalm 23:5, ESV

Oh how He loves you!

Suffering Well

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.”

“For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

James 1:2-4, NLT

There are many different points where our Lord connects to us through our desperation. Our sorrow and confusion can be how God ‘wires us’ for additional contact— in some kind of weird and cosmic way, my pain becomes His ‘copper wire.’ Often is how He touches my heart as He flows through it.

I think it’s helpful to see our issues in this way. 

There is a current that must work through us, making contact and ultimately creating a circuit. What I mean by this is that it seems we have to experience pain, in order to know His presence.  Only if you know that a brother has struggled, do you become aware that a pearl of tremendous wisdom (and love) is now accompanying him. Usually.

We must be aware that our distress allows us access to His ‘careful’ grace. Our trials, properly received, endow us with special and supplemental power.

When it gets dark, light becomes exceptional.  In a book by Stephen Lawhead, (I think it was “the Silver Hand.”) we see a man, the hero take up stones that have been infused with the creative power of the universe.  Standing on the walls of a besieged stronghold, the desperate hero throws the stones down on the attackers.  And as each stone smashes into the ground it releases a part of a song, which destroys the enemy and defeats those strong in the darkness. (Silly story.)

I know that His Spirit infuses Himself into our hearts. 

He has imparted something in us that is both precious and powerful.  He works through the pain and struggles that we encounter.  These are terribly ugly, no question.  But it is through these we plug into something real and eternal.

I suppose when the tragedy finally brings real life it’s a most precious thing. We treasure all this for it comes at such an exorbitant price.

Pain indeed has a purpose, but oh, so many times it seems to only hurt. But that’s the way it works.

But yet, that is our calling. I certainly know that life is seldom easy and our choices are even harder. I recently read that Queen Victoria, as just a teen fiercely opposed her future coronation as the sovereign of England. She grew sullen, and rebellious and would continually frustrate her teachers.

Once when Victoria was shown a lineage that showed her and revealed her place in England’s future as queen.  She became uncharacteristically quiet and she responded with an astonishing simple awareness, “I will be good.” From that moment everything changed for her.

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We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive his poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others.

Elizabeth Elliot

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Wrestling with God

Jacob was a scoundrel, a cheat and a swindler. It seems that his life was built on defrauding others. I see no integrity, no goodness in his early life. He plotted and tricked everyone he could in order to advance his own status.

Yes, Jacob was tricked also, which I suppose was a “good” thing. It seems that when men like Jacob get deceived themselves we tend to gloat a bit. After all, they are finally getting what they deserve.

But no bad man is outside of God’s grace and mercy.

The story of Jacob wrestling with God is definitely worthwhile. We see him colliding with the Lord on the shore of the river Jabbok. Body on body they each try to gain the advantage. The text tells us that the match goes long into the night. (For background, see Genesis 32:24-32.)

Jacob is a grifter. He has built his life around a selfish deception. But again, he is still on God’s radar, and the Father isn’t finished with him yet.

A night of wrestling with God is really something we all will do at least once in our life. We each have a “Jabbok” and each will go body to body with the Holy One. Some of us will learn how to surrender, others will not. But sometimes, our dealings with God are silent, and unobservable.

It fascinates me to see Jacob wounded. “When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket” (v. 25). Jacob will limp for the rest of his life. Every morning as he got out of bed, he would groan from the stiffness and be reminded of that fight by the river.

So dear one, how should we process all of this?

  1. No man is too far gone for God’s dealings.
  2. Each of us, whether we realize it or not, will have our encounter with God. (Our personal “Jabbok.”)
  3. God loves us too much to let us remain in our sin and darkness.
  4. And sometimes, from that encounter we’ll walk with a limp.

My own experience. I was not in a good place 8 years ago, I was wrestling with God, and having some issues, but the Holy Spirit had no intention of letting me go. I had a very bad fall. Needless to say I laid on the ground with my right arm pinned beneath me for some time. That injury is known as “compartment syndrome.” I went into surgery immediately.

My right forearm/hand is now paralyzed. about 80% of the muscle tissue and nerves had to be removed. The doctors considered taking my arm off, but I’m glad they didn’t.

Like Jacob, I now have a tangible reminder of my fight with the Lord. There are times when I hurt. I’ve had to relearn and adjust to using my left hand. It has not been easy. Jacob would limp for the rest of his life, I can relate having just one arm.

“God has no pleasure in afflicting us, but He will not keep back even the most painful chastisement if He can but thereby guide His beloved child to come home and abide in the beloved Son.”

 Andrew Murray