burden – Page 2 – Alaska Bible Teacher

The Pharisee & the Tax Collector

Luke 18:10-14

“Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a proud, self-righteous Pharisee, and the other a cheating tax collector. ¹¹The proud Pharisee ‘prayed’ this prayer: ‘Thank God, I am not a sinner like everyone else, especially like that tax collector over there! For I never cheat, I don’t commit adultery, ¹²I go without food twice a week, and I give to God a tenth of everything I earn.’

¹³“But the corrupt tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed, but beat upon his chest in sorrow, exclaiming, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner.’ ¹⁴I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home forgiven! For the proud shall be humbled, but the humble shall be honored.”

Meet the Pharisee:

I had it all together. I had shaped myself to be the ultimate Pharisee–the Pharisees of the Pharisees. I understood the Law; I could quote whole books, forward and backward. I fasted twice a week, and tithed everything, right down to my herbs and spices. I had it all together.

And I made sure everyone saw my commitment.

I strenuously kept God’s Law. I was consumed by understanding it, I tried to grasp all its nuances and complexity. The 10 commandments were emblazoned on all that I did. I wanted everyone to know that I was one of “the pure ones,” for that was the meaning behind the word Pharisee. I knew that I was pure.

I went to the Temple every day to pray, I stood holy and set apart, standing before a real and holy God. I was always the truest example to the people of Israel. I always stood when I prayed, for I was completely committed to doing all that the Law demanded of me.

One day I saw a wicked man in God’s holy temple. I had to thank God that we were total opposites. He was a tax collector and an evil person. I really was nothing like him. I rejoiced that I had become a true example of a righteous man.

I knew I was righteous, and certainly not at all like that sinful tax collector.

———————-

Meet the Tax Collector:

I didn’t have it all together. I understood this and was horrified that I had become so evil. I came to the Temple, driven by my guilt and shame–no one had to tell me this, for I knew my sin and I was deeply ashamed.

Why I came, I don’t know. I honestly didn’t belong here, and I kept a distance from the front. I guess that’s where I belonged. On the fringes before the Holy One. It seemed now that I was drawn to this place, and I’m still not sure why I came that day.

I knew that I breathed evil and had become evil.

I fell to my knees, and I begged God to forgive me. I saw the Pharisee standing in the presence of God, but I knew I wasn’t at all like him. He was righteous and I knew I was not. Oh, how I wanted God to forgive me for all the sins I had committed.

I must tell you that my spirit was in agony.

“Humble men are very fortunate!” he told them, “for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them. ⁴Those who mourn are fortunate! for they shall be comforted. ⁵The meek and lowly are fortunate! for the whole wide world belongs to them.

Matthew 5:3-5, LB

Jesus clearly told us who was truly forgiven that day. When we think we have it all together, we’re deceiving ourselves.

Let’s not pretend otherwise, okay.

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Art: Eugene Burnand, 1850-1924, litho; Scripture used here is from the Living Bible.

Your Plow is Waiting

“No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:62 (context, vv. 57-62)

Every disciple has his plow. Sometimes it’ll be obvious, everyone sees it; other times it’ll be buried deep inside, and no one knows. A plow is a perfect word to describe exactly what the Holy Spirit is doing–and its descriptive of the determination of a disciple who is slowly learning how to follow.

When you’re trying to grow-up you’ll grasp this foundational lesson. You have to be single-minded and really focused to stay moving ahead. You cannot look behind at what has been done. You can’t turn around to admire your work, rather we look at the tree that is keeping us lined up with Jesus.

You will sweat and get tired. Your full effort is needed to keep the plow in the hard earth. You aren’t pushing, the oxen is pulling, but you’re the one who weighs it down while keeping your furrow relatively straight. It’s harder than it looks. (Thank God for the modern tractor.)

In case the plowman starts to look back, his plow line would become crooked. If that happens, the field he is plowing will not yield a full harvest. A good plowman has learned he must hold on. In following Jesus, we are to keep our eyes on Him, and never let our minds and hearts wander away. (Hebrews 12:1-2.)

“To keep our hand on the plow while wiping away the tears–THAT is Christianity.”

-Watchman Nee

To follow means looking and moving forward. We must understand this–it’s the very essence of walking a path. We’re walking out the journey. Sometimes we feel Jesus’ joy as His follower, but occasionally we won’t. We’re learning to understand it more and more. But no matter what, we keep putting heel-to-toe. We are followers after all.

Jesus lived this; He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem (Luke 9:51).

“To learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.”

-George Mueller

Leaders Who Are Kind and Generous

“And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.”

2 Samuel 9:3, ESV

That crippled man was named Mephibosheth. He was injured by the actions of a nurse, she accidentally dropped him as she was trying to escape the palace (2 Sam. 4:4). He was just five years old. It was not of Mephibosheth’s doing, but someone else made a mistake, and it totally and irrevocably changed his life.

As a result, for the rest of his life, he would always use crutches.

It may be of interest, but Mephibosheth’s name means, “shame,” and perhaps this would’ve been an integral part of how people treated him or even how he saw himself. But David was a different sort of king (as kings go), and he elevates Mephibosheth to the feasting table.

King David wants to bring this crippled man to a lavish dinner.

Interesting. I believe that there are a great many people like Mephibosheth. They’ve been injured by someone else’s stumbling. It seems we pass these things on to each other. And the lameness we inflict may not be physical. It may be spiritual or emotional. Sometimes we injure others without knowing what we have really done to them.

Whether we know it or not, we are capable of much evil.

Some of the most evil woundings that are done are usually on a moral or spiritual level. If you break your arm, you will heal. But if I wound your spirit you may not ever recover. These injuries are incredibly devastating. When someone harms us on this level it can completely undo us, for a lifetime. (And perhaps, maybe even forever.)

Somehow we affect others in ways we aren’t even aware of. We need to seek God’s grace; we cannot minimize what we have done. We can’t go on hurting others without injuring ourselves.

Wounded people will inevitably wound others. But healed people can often become healers themselves.

We can read of King David’s truly majestic treatment of Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel 9. He actively blessed him, and perhaps that is the proactive action we ought to take. We must make an effort to always strengthen the people around us.

As a king, this was a very minor incident. Hardly worth recording in the lofty affairs of state. But as a man, to restore Mephibosheth, was definitely one of David’s greatest decisions.

I would suggest that kindness should always be a key part of someone who is in authority, especially those who are serving others in leadership.

But there’s another concept here– we discover something that is profoundly true about us in Paul’s letter to the Church in Ephesus. It’s here, in 1:5, that we see that God our Father, acts like David, and receives Mephibosheth–just like God receives us to Himself. We find that we’re adopted, loved, and held, and we get a prime place at the table. Forever and ever.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”

Ephesians 1:5, NLT

We may use crutches, but we walk by faith. This verse in Ephesians may be the greatest lesson and the most profound experience we can have as believers.

His Joy is Yours Now

“Then [Ezra] told them, Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet drink, and send portions to him for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. And be not grieved and depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold.”

Nehemiah 8:10, Amplified

The people of God are grieving; they are filled with sorrow. They are fully aware of their sin, and understand how awful they have become. They’re overwhelmed, and can’t really accept what God was doing.

Nehemiah and Ezra have their hands full.

Grief often turns into depression. Joyless living opens us to the pressures of Satan, and he tries to manipulate us to do his work. Now this is a terrible thing, and it’s also a sad way to live. Nehemiah understands what is happening.

Sometimes our emotions drive us, and we can see nothing but our sin. Our hearts are filled with melancholy and introspection. They closed their hearts to thankfulness and joy. Instead they wept, they could see little hope when Ezra read the Word from the pulpit.

Galatians 5:22 tells us that the Holy Spirit is residing within–it’s called “fruit” and it grows in the heart of an obedient believer who has submitted himself to God. It is not just a good attitude. Joy is never contingent on circumstances.

A few things to remember.

Joy is the evidence that He lives inside us.

We need a devotional life.
Known sin must be renounced and forsaken.
We must abandon the “works of the flesh.” (Gal. 5:19-20)
We must ask Him to fill us with His Spirit.
We must learn how to worship authentically.

A key for me, I want to emphasize this, as I’ve finally seen this in my own discipleship– I need to pursue Jesus, and not joy itself. If I think that I will find joy apart from knowing Him, is wrong and perhaps a bit dangerous.

I will end this with something that must be thought through. I hope you will.

“To say that it is the Christian’s duty, his moral obligation, to be joyful. That means that the failure of a Christian to be joyful is a sin, that unhappiness and a lack of joy are, in a certain way, manifestations of the flesh.”

RC Sproul

Disproportionate Suffering

“Some Christians are called to endure a disproportionate amount of suffering. Such Christians are a spectacle of grace to the church, like flaming bushes unconsumed, and cause us to ask, like Moses:

‘Why is this bush not burned up?’

The strength and stability of these believers can be explained only by the miracle of God’s sustaining grace. The God who sustains Christians in unceasing pain is the same God — with the same grace — who sustains me in my smaller sufferings. We marvel at God’s persevering grace and grow in our confidence in Him as He governs our lives.”

— John Newton, author of “Amazing Grace”

+++

All of us know a brother or sister who seems to be a target of an undue amount of suffering. It seems like they’re always in the furnace. All we can do really is to shake our heads and then give them double honor for their faith in God’s grace and providence.

Ministering to these extreme sufferers can be a real challenge.

What can we say to those who seem to be on “God’s anvil?” How can we bless those who are in unbelievable pain?

Perhaps a very simple word of calm encouragement is the only real way to touch their hearts. They often don’t need another teaching or a link to a website. In the midst of some awful difficulties, I once had a dear brother who gently and carefully quoted Philippians 1:6 to me over and over whenever we met and whenever we parted:

^“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

Philippians 1:6

It was a precious thing that he did. I didn’t mind it all, as a matter of fact, I grew to like it. At first, I’ll admit it was strange, but my faith began to ‘mix’ with the Word and I began to believe it. It’s now my favorite verse in the Bible.

He refused to preach or counsel me. The light he carried was more than enough.

He had the maturity to see what God was doing and to make himself available to God on my behalf. Perhaps that patience he showed should become our own method of choice? I look forward to seeing him someday, someway. (If you hear someone quoting Philippians 1:6 in heaven, that will probably be Fred.) 🙂

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.”

Romans 5:3

A keyword in this verse is “rejoice.”

It is a good reminder that the pain we feel is not the end. These trials have a limited duration (although admittedly it seems far away). There is coming a day when we can navigate through these issues and come out on the other side. “We will shine like the stars” (Daniel 12:3).

Much wisdom is needed in our ministry to disproportionate sufferers. We should have a fear of intruding on the work the Lord is doing. We must be patient and humble in this matter. There is no rushing God, after all, it’s His work. Most importantly we must be very much ‘present’ for our friend.

But not only that! We even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance,

Romans 5:3

A word spoken out of place can cause even more ‘heartache’ for the sufferer. Let us be careful. At times it’s better not to say anything, and that’s alright. Remember, Job’s friends were best sitting in the ash heap, saying nothing.

The Lord God gives me
the right words
to encourage the weary.
Each morning he awakens me
eager to learn his teaching.

Isaiah 50:4, CEB

Ask the Father to guide you. Be gentle. Be there. He will give you, in His time, a good word for them.

The Brother and 5080.4 Miles

²¹“So that you also may know how I am and what I am doing, Tychicus the beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord will tell you everything.

²²I have sent him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage your hearts.”

Ephesians 5:21-22

There is so much here that communicates Paul’s heart. He’s laid out a ton of theology, and now he ends his heavy letter with this final benediction or blessing. These final verses are not doctrine. Instead they’re more like God’s ‘open window’ directly to the Ephesian’s heart.

Just imagine yourself as a believer living in Ephesus. Reading the letter we should see ourselves there (albeit 2000 years removed). This belongs to you as much as it belonged to the churches in Asia Minor. Please, own it.

You need to see this. It changes our walk from the 1st century to the 21st century.

This letter belongs to you personally. Ephesians is your letter from ‘home.’ So dear one, make it yours, for you are the Holy Spirit’s audience, and you’re very much loved!

Tychicus has been chosen to carry this letter 5,000 miles to the Ephesians.

The journey itself was over 5,000 miles from Rome to Ephesus, walking by Roman roads. (It would be a long trip, longer than walking from San Francisco to Boston!) It was difficult and could be dangerous, but the letter Titus carried was important. It would be painstakingly copied and then sent to all the churches in Asia Minor.

“Travelers journeyed in convoy, sometimes hiring soldiers to protect them from robbers who preyed on the unsuspecting. Roman roads made things somewhat easier but still, walking, perhaps hiring a donkey or paying for passage on a merchant’s ship. Travel was for the brave and the strong.”

(https://cloudofwitnesses.org.uk/studies/tychicus)

Tychicus is mentioned 6 times in the NT.

He was a gospel ‘veteran’ who ministered with Paul in various places in the Roman empire. It appears he was friends with Timothy, who was the young pastor of the church in Ephesus. Tychicus was someone whom Paul trusted implicitly. After all, he was carrying Paul’s heart in his backpack.

Tychicus was 100% loyal, brave, and completely reliable. I think Paul had confidence that he would do everything necessary to make sure this letter would get through. We find he was able to do this. And you and I, well, we owe a spiritual debt to this faithful man who went the distance for us.

We can skim through this passage and never really see Tychicus at all.

Tychicus seems to have no real preaching ability, but he is called “beloved” and “faithful” in verse 21. In verse 22 he is called a “brother” and a “minister.” That word for minister is διάκονος, deacon and it means “a servant of a king” or a “waiter of tables.” I believe that reveals someone who is a minister to the needy (which is no small thing).

Paul closes his letter with a benediction.

In verses 23-24, we read that the blessing is given to the church. He pronounces “peace, love, and faith.” Paul speaks out of God’s heart to the Ephesians, and as a leader, he is conveying God’s own blessing. A proper benediction that originates from the Lord is hardly just a nicety, something free and easy. You must understand, a pastor’s blessing is powerful.

“Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible.”

(verse 24)

A Weeping Mother

²¹Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²²And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.”

²³But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” ²⁴But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”

²⁵Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!”

²⁶But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.”²⁷And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.”

²⁸Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Matthew 15:21-28, ESV

My daughter had a demon living inside her. Please understand me, I love her more than life itself. It was a terrible torment to see her fall under the control of the evil one like this. Every day seemed worse than the previous, and I knew that the day would come that I would lose her completely to the dark pit.

She would be lost forever.

God knows I tried everything. There was the pagan temple to Eshmon. He was our god of healing and protection for our nation, and it was a short walk away. We made trips there to present ourselves for healing. But things got worse, not better.

When Jesus came we knew we had to meet Him.

I was desperate, at the very end of my rope. I was scared. Meeting Jesus’ disciples was the first step and it really didn’t go well at all. They protected Him, and I couldn’t get close enough to speak with Him.

So much was blocking me. I saw so many obstacles, but when your child is suffering like mine, these things mean nothing. I came to the point where I began to shout, over and over for Jesus to intervene. I was asked to stop, I ignored His followers and kept yelling.

This passage asks us to consider many heavy issues. We have questions that need answers. Why did Jesus seem so cold and harsh? What about the “dog” reference, and His seemingly reluctance to heal? What about her ethnicity as a pagan?

Did Jesus know something about the situation we don’t?

I really want to keep this post short, so I won’t try to answer these questions. But the situation is intriguing. It must be noted that Jesus, at this particular point in His ministry, is focusing on reaching the Jewish population. (But that will change in the future.)

And yet there are positive characteristics of this woman that must be considered. These need to be understood to open up this passage. Please ponder them, they put the entire situation in a different light. We see the following:

Her humility
Her patience
Her prayer and worship
Her persistence
Her faith

Each of these are crucial, and Jesus saw them. Yes, we see the obstacles, but we understand her love for her demon possessed daughter that drives her into Jesus’ presence. We see her faith that won’t give up no matter the resistance she encountered.

“Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.“

Corrie Ten Boom

What Does God Want From You?

I plead for you not to skip this post.

“He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and looked down on everyone else:

“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee was standing and praying like this about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I’m not like other people—greedy, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of everything I get.’”

¹³“But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even raise his eyes to heaven but kept striking his chest and saying, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’”

Luke 18:9-13

He despised others. As a Pharisee, he prided himself as a holy person; he thought he stood before God accepted and pure. He congratulated himself over this. I’m starting to see that self-righteousness has many levels. You can be blatant and obvious about it, or perhaps it might be more subtle and hidden. (Many believers like it hidden.)

We have to understand that God sees all and our hearts and minds are continuously inspected by the Holy Spirit. God sees our hearts as we see the faces of our friends. Any presence of pride or the absence of humility is automatically rejected by our heavenly Father.

In the Bible, it’s quite clear that being humble and admitting our sins and flaws are the best way to counteract any kind of puffed up pride. But for some reason, we often don’t realize when our selfishness and ego is getting in the way. It often comes very, very subtle. Tricky maybe.

Humility is a quality that cannot be acquired or maintained permanently.

Humility is not an accomplishment. There are no spiritual medals given for humility and brokenness. It’s not once you’re done. We must find humility every single day. Every morning, when my feet hit the floor, it’s something that requires my daily effort and practice. But it’s scary, because I’m starting to see that God’s precious grace is ultimately nullified by my pride.

The right kind of heart is broken and humble every single morning.

The Pharisee believes he is better than the tax-collector, and he now stands confidently before God. He thinks he is holy and superior to others. He really believes he has spiritually arrived.

But the tax-collector was brutally honest about himself. He understood the presence of God.

He didn’t need anyone to tell him how sinful he was–he knew his own wickedness. Jesus’ story reveals God’s love for those who know that they’re twisted up inside and lost. But let’s look closer at the heart of the tax-collector:

“He stood afar off,” which showed his awareness of his separation from God.
“He wouldn’t even raise his eyes to heaven,” which declared his humility in the presence of a holy God.
He kept “striking his chest,” which tells us of a deep pain over his sin against God.
He prayed, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’ This describes his desperate heart.

Both men came to pray, but to be really honest, that’s all they had in common.

The Pharisee came to the temple to declare his righteousness, the tax-collector came out of a terrible despair. It strikes me that the text in verse 11 says the Pharisee, “began praying to himself.” It seems that his prayer never really met God–all he was proud and showy, and he was only doing those things God hates (Prov. 29:23).

But it was the tax-man who became righteous in the eyes of God.

Humility is the foundation of the kingdom of Jesus. Matthew 5:3-4, makes a lot of sense to me. To be “poor in spirit” and to “mourn” has now become the solid bedrock of a Christian’s discipleship. To be justified (made right) is a gift. No one can earn salvation. The tax-man could only hold out his empty cup and hoped that God would fill it. Maybe that’s our beginning point.

But suddenly the tax collector is now considered righteous, while the Pharisee left the temple unchanged, and unforgiven.

“We had long known the Lord without realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart should be the distinguishing feature of the disciple.”

Andrew Murray

When I crawl out of bed in the morning I start all over again. I realize I am nothing, I deserve nothing. I can only cling to the grace of my Father.

God wants us to have a broken heart and it’s apparent He rejects everything else. I suppose that there are questions I must ask myself: Am I really poor in spirit? Do I really mourn over my sin? Am I broken or am I subtly proud of myself? I must ask myself these questions.

“This is the Lord’s declaration. I will look favorably on this kind of person: one who is humble, submissive in spirit, and trembles at my word.”

Isaiah 66:2, CSB

Art by Eugène Burnand

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Rooted Firmly and Deeply

“But I am like a green olive tree
in the house of God.
I trust in the steadfast love of God
forever and ever.”

Psalm 52:8

In Psalm 52 we read of David’s run-in with Doeg, a very bad man, (a mass murderer actually). But David, hearing about the slaughter of 85 innocent priests doesn’t respond in hatred, rather he sits down and writes this song of contemplation which we know as Psalm 52.

It isn’t something written out of wrath and vengeance rather the word that begins his writing is “maskil” which implies– enlightenment, or something reflective, thoughtful, discerning. He sat down and considered Doeg’s awful evil, and by doing this was able to understand own heart as well.

Psalm 52 has two distinct parts.

The first is Doeg’s vicious atrocity, and the condemnation that it incurs, (v.v. 1-7). The second was David’s own commitment to following God, and understanding his own place in a very evil world, (v.v. 8-9).

Rather than castigate himself for being discovered in Nob–a circumstance which directly led to the mass murder of these priests (and their families). We find that David does not blame himself. He could have, but he didn’t. Rather he thoughtfully, and carefully, detailed his own “observations” of the whole sordid matter.

David could easily have destroyed himself with guilt and grief. He didn’t.

He chose not to play the losing game of ‘what if.’ He instead would be like a green olive tree rooted himself in the holy temple and into the protective presence of God. David knew he would destroy himself if he didn’t place himself there. It was a deliberate decision.

It would keep himself sane.

It seems to me that trees work heavily into David’s own theology and that this is how he sees his relationship with God. He’s planted and therefore able to survive terrible trials. He shows us how to survive and thrive.

His roots would need to go very deep though.

David’s thoughtful imagery is himself as an olive tree planted in God’s presence.

I believe knowing this is the antidote to the poison of guilt. Perhaps we should follow his example?

“They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
    with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
    or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
    and they never stop producing fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:8

Listen Closely to the Rich Young Ruler

Mark 10:17-22

As he was starting out on a trip, a man came running to him and knelt down and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to get to heaven?”

¹⁸“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good! ¹⁹But as for your question—you know the commandments: don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, respect your father and mother.”

²⁰“Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve never once broken a single one of those laws.”

²¹Jesus felt genuine love for this man as he looked at him. “You lack only one thing,” he told him; “go and sell all you have and give the money to the poor—and you shall have treasure in heaven—and come, follow me.”

²²Then the man’s face fell, and he went sadly away, for he was very rich.

My name is inconsequential. I suppose all you must know of me is I tried to keep God’s Law and that I was very wealthy. Many believed that being rich was evidence that God approved of me. Of that, I wasn’t too sure. I kept the Law out of fear I suppose, and at times I just knew it wasn’t quite enough.

As I studied I began to realize that riches weren’t going to make me righteous. There was enough Scripture in me to let me know that it wasn’t enough. The prophets, especially Isaiah spoke about the deadliness of wealth, but there was one verse in Proverbs that really disturbed me:

“Your riches won’t help you on Judgment Day; only righteousness counts then.”

This verse and all of the others were the cause of many a sleepless night.

I was tormented by the reality of standing before God with nothing but my money to cover me. Coming under God’s righteous judgment haunted me. I thought of it day and night. I was terrified of being damned. My own righteousness wasn’t enough, and I knew it.

I heard about Jesus (and who hasn’t)–some were claiming that he was the Messiah. He was at least a wonderful teacher and many said he worked miracles. Just perhaps he had answers for me. I hoped so, but I needed to know. It was my questions that drove me to find him.

And finding him was easy–I just followed the crowd.

I went ahead of his retinue of followers. I knelt in his path and waited. I must know what he thought. When he stood before me I asked the question that had haunted me my whole life–“Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?”

Being a good Jew he answered my question with a question. It now seems that he wanted me to see what really mattered. I answered him with my “righteous” commitment to the Law of Moses. I did what was important–at least that’s what I thought. But still, in spite of all that, I felt no security and no real peace.

Jesus looked straight at me, and I knew deep down that he loved me.

But oh those words, His words really disturbed me. He told me that I only lacked one thing, that I must sell everything and distribute the money to the poor. Only by doing that would discover riches in heaven. And only then could I truly follow him.

And that was the thing I could never do.

I went away grieved. If he had asked for anything else I would have done it. You see, my wealth was my real obstacle. Deep down I suddenly knew that everything I possessed was now my stumbling block. It was my idol, my golden calf, and it was a sacrifice that I could never make.

I’ve come to realize now, over my many years, that when I do finally stand before God, I will have nothing to save me. Jesus invited me to follow, and I didn’t.

And that my friend meant I would die in my sin.