“A Christian is a person who has died with Christ, whose stiff neck has been broken, whose brazen forehead has been shattered, whose stony heart has been crushed, whose pride has been slain.”
“His life is now mastered by Jesus Christ.”
–John Piper
“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends,for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”
John 15:15
It seems that the purpose of life is not to find our freedom. It’s really meant for us to find our Master.
Yes, the idea of being a slave to anyone is repugnant. We chafe at this, and yet man was never meant to be separated from the Lordship of Jesus. We’re instructed repeatedly with the New Testament idea that “our life is not our own” Over and over God proclaims Himself as the King.
That seems to troubles us somewhat.
Not so much when life is fairly good, granted, but in those hard moments when a decision must be made between enjoying the titillating “lusts of the flesh,” or accepting the fruits of the Spirit. This is one of those “lordship moments.” They come and go, and they show us exactly who we are.
If you’re really going to be authentic–a legitimate and real disciple, then you must determine who is going to be in charge, and this isn’t one of those casual decisions. Your decision must become a settled issue.
You must securely fix it in your heart.
The thief on the cross knew salvation, he was promised an eternity with God simply by faith. But I submit to you that he had put himself under the Lordship of Jesus, simply by recognizing the sign, “the King of the Jews.” I believe he saw and understood its implications. Jesus was King! He knew and understood.
This is a very hard word for some, but so many of our personal issues hinge on this.
I know this first-hand. It is a monumental struggle. You must admit to not only having Jesus as your Savior, but you also must put your life under His total Lordship. You need to pick up your cross daily in order to follow. You need to learn how to kneel.
“Revelation is the first step to holiness, and consecration is the second. A day must come in our lives, as definite as the day of our conversion, when we give up all right to ourselves.”
“We must submit to the absolute Lordship of Jesus Christ.”
” “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.””
John 8:7, ESV
“None knows the weight of another’s burden.”
-George Herbert
Definitely, we must discern motives and false doctrine. We’re to be constantly aware of people and issues that swirl around us–of this, there is no doubt, we mustn’t be ignorant. This is a healthy “discernment.”
But we must learn that having discernment isn’t a way that passes out a ‘guilty’ penalty? We are ‘seeing’ things these things–not to pass judgment, but that we might pray clearly and earnestly, and grow into His love for the weak.
But ‘passing a guilty sentence’ is His exclusive jurisdiction.
It’s far beyond our ‘pay grade.’ He is the final judge in everything. He judges justly and lovingly. He alone knows and understands everything very clearly.
It becomes imperative that we understand this; that any real discernment given is only to intensify and escalate the calling of every ‘saint,’ intercessor, or pastor. We discern, not to pass judgment, but to pray more clearly and effectively.
What you see or sense is for the prayer closet, not before a judge’s bench.
Do we really have the ability to ascribe a penalty to someone else? Could it be when we decide to throw rocks at certain people we’re in terrible danger of forfeiting our own salvation?
Do we really have the ability to ascribe a penalty to someone else? Could it be when we decide to throw rocks at certain people we’re in terrible danger of forfeiting our own salvation?
How foolish we become.
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matt. 6:15.)
(If you have a ‘rock’ in your hand, you are in considerable danger. Please consider this–it’s never easy, is it?)
“Don’t judge others, or you will be judged. 2 You will be judged in the same way that you judge others, and the amount you give to others will be given to you.
“Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye?
Matthew 7:1-3
We are broken people. We struggle with many different things. Some of us are mentally or physically ill. We are not whole yet. Some of us must take meds to help us be ‘normal.’ We deal with issues that would devastate someone else. And we don’t have it anywhere near together.
And yet out of our ‘hot mess,’ do we think we can penalize someone else? Really?
We really don’t have a problem with worldly people. We understand that they are lost in their sins, terribly wrapped up in their own personal darkness, and that should definitely disturb us. We must point to the Blood of Christ that forgives us. We share the good news of true repentance and faith. His Spirit teaches us to be witnesses of His love to everyone we meet.
“The life of faith is a struggle enough in a broken world without us complicating it for other believers.”
–Jake Colsen
It just may come as a shock to some, but it’s extremely difficult to throw stones at someone when we are busy “washing” their feet.
Granted, “we are to be wise as serpents,” But that same verse instructs us “to be as harmless as doves.” (Matt. 10:16.) A loving meekness and gentleness, need to be combined with intense spiritual power. We must embody “the fruits of the Spirit.” These things are the characteristics of the Spirit-saturated believer.
“The nature and end of judgment or sentence must be corrective, never vindictive; it is always for healing, and never for destruction.”
–John Owen
Perhaps when we judge others, we reveal that we don’t understand what ‘real’ discipleship with Jesus is? Somehow it seems, we really aren’t quite grasping the immensity of His grace on guilty people? Do we really understand His profound love for the fallen? “God so loved the World…” Have we had any idea how patient He is with us? Do we doubt His ability to correct others? (Again, these are awfully hard questions.)
“Judge not lest you be judged.” (Jesus’ words really do scare me sometimes. )
Certainly, I intend to confront the darkness. “You are the light, a city set on a hill!” I am His salt and light and I do shine into this black night. But that is His doing, not mine. I do not generate light on my own. The Bible declares me as ‘self-righteous’ when I try. I am a broken person, who is just starting to understand the scope of my own brokenness and weaknesses. I’m starting to realize I’m not in the position to Judge someone else. I’m not quite healed myself yet and I must not think I can point to someone else as being worse than me.
Quite simply, I can’t throw ‘rocks’ at other believers anymore.
I can no longer pass out any condemnation from my own limited understanding. My chief concern right now is to be a humble, earnest Christian who is always ready to forgive those who, in their awful sin and confusion, are hurting others.
I’m beginning to see that my calling is to be; a simple servant to my brothers and sisters, nothing more, and nothing less.
…for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.” (Jonah 4:2, ESV)
(“The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”)
Psalm 145:8
This understanding of God’s character is used 13x in the Old Testament. It was first discerned by Moses, and was passed on to other men. It was stamped into the hearts of those who followed him. It was a description of who God was, and it became the strong foundation of their ministry.
Jonah understood who God really was.
And that was the reason Jonah refused to give the Ninevites a break. He didn’t want them to repent. He wanted no part of their salvation, which is rather disturbing. How can a prophet act this way? What was it that angered Jonah that he would resist God?
The book of Jonah contains question marks, especially chapter 4. Of the 14 questions that are asked, 11 are directed at Jonah.
God speaks loud and clear to His prophet. He asks Jonah to reconsider and evaluate his heart in the light of God’s loving character.
When we read it we can focus on the secondary ideas. We see Jonah and the whale. Maybe we think about his disobedience. Or maybe the storm or the plant that helped Jonah endure the heat of the sun. These are all good things to consider, but they are not the main theme.
God’s heart for even the Ninevites is the main purpose of the book of Jonah.
God is not the exclusive ‘property’ of the Hebrew nation! He very much cares for others outside of our own group. In John 3:16 we’re made aware of His passion for the whole earth.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son…”
The Great Commission has always been in effect. In the OT Israel was called to be a light to the Gentiles, Acts 13:46-48. The covenant given to Abraham was that Israel would be a blessing to every nation. This was God’s plan and His intention. (Genesis 17:1-8.)
Jonah’s anger and apparent prejudice is definitely a cause for concern.
But could the message of Jonah describe the reluctance of the Church today? Is God’s love for everyone? Does God even care?
“And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?” Jonah 4:11
“And we all, with unveiled faces, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV
“So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”
2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT
The above chart is in black/white. I have found out that most things are seldom black/white, and yet every once in a while I find something that helps me think. This is one of them. If it doesn’t help I apologize now. (But yet it just might be a blessing to some.)
God has made every believer holy through our faith in the blood of Jesus. And yet the Father calls His children to a walk where we become more and more like Jesus, becoming holy in every circumstance we encounter. This is called “sanctification,”
Being changed into His likeness is the dream of every Christian believer.
That driving impulse is one of our common denominators. We want this more than anything, and I have come to believe that the Holy Spirit wants it even more than we do. Looking at the above chart, we see that we’re slowly moving in that direction.
Not curious-We’ve all been there, and it’s very often been the prayer of others that has moved us out of our darkness. The Bible says that we are spiritually dead which is not good. Salvation is not in our thinking at this point.
Curious-We begin to search and the Holy Spirit begins to woo us into the love of Christ. Typically we start to become slowly fascinated by Jesus and His words. At this point we begin to question the lies and darkness that we’ve walked in. Going to church becomes a possibility. Starting to read the Bible, and we wonder about its truth.
Believer-We’ve finally accepted, by saving faith and repentance, the lordship of Jesus. Attending a church where the Word is taught is important. We begin to hear the Holy Spirit and respond. We begin to reach out to other Christians. We learn about baptism and the Lord’s Supper. We learn how to pray, worship, and give. The Holy Spirit has made us believers.
Disciple-We’re aligning ourselves to a life of disciplined obedience to the Spirit and the Word. Our faith is maturing and we’re starting to embrace training, (1 Timothy 4:7). We start to understand that the Father Himself has brought us to this place, (Hebrews 12:11). We’re becoming disciplined believers.
Disciple makers-We come to see that this is why we’re brought to Him. Our training is for others, and we serve Him by reaching out to those who aren’t advancing in the faith. We understand Jesus’ call to lead others into discipleship. It’s His command and we must do this. (Matthew 28:19.)
Life long servant-The Bible describes this stage as being a father [or mother] for the younger believers (1 John 2:13-14). We now realize that we totally belong to Him. We walked through the fire, and our confidence is now serving Jesus alone. At this point we realize we serve Him both now, and for eternity.
We often fluctuate between these different stages.
Sometimes we’re making disciples, and we can slip back to being just a believer. Nothing is written in stone. And yet there is a simple wisdom that comes when we realize where we are really at in our walk with Jesus.
Knowing this process liberates and brings us a quiet but sure understanding.
Sanctification is a process, beginning with justification and continuing throughout life. Paul calls it “straining forward” or running a race.
The Holy Spirit is our teacher and ever present guide. Our discipleship is under His control. A proper response is submission and humility. He takes the intricate circumstances and our unique happenings to make us like Him.
Then he told them many things in parables, saying, “Consider the sower who went out to sow. 4 As he sowed, some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Other seed fell on rocky ground where it didn’t have much soil, and it grew up quickly since the soil wasn’t deep. 6 But when the sun came up, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away. Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns came up and choked it.
8 Still other seed fell on good ground and produced fruit: some a hundred, some sixty, and some thirty times what was sown. 9 Let anyone who has ears listen.”
Luke 8:5-9
Jesus loved to tell stories. Each of them was packed with truth, and the people loved them. In verse 2, we see the popularity of Jesus–the people were entranced by our Lord. They followed him throughout his earthly ministry. Just imagine a preacher doing this today.
If you were his disciple back then, you had better get used to crowds.
This is all about receptivity to the Kingdom of God. It’s all about seed that is sown indiscriminately–the work of the sower isn’t assessing the ground conditions. He just throws out the insignificant seed. That’s his job, and he seems to do a bang-up job of it. He “broadcasts” the seed, reaching in his bag and spreading it evenly, and quickly.
This parable, believed to be one of his first, begins with the word, “Consider,” and really, isn’t that the needed quality one must have? In the original language it simply means, “to see.” But it’s also in the imperative–a command. Seeing isn’t really an option–may be a good word today would be, “Look!” (And using an exclamation mark!)
In some places the ground had been packed down, things were too hard. Others landed on soil, but it was only the slightest skim of dirt, which wasn’t enough to support any growth. And yet the third scattering made it into the thorns. So there was three different possibilities, which none were ideal.
But wait! There was a fourth.
Seed that landed right where it should–good soil, fertile, tilled, and ready. The first three were all wrong, but the parable isn’t given to find fault–no one was to blame. And certainly not the sower, he was merely doing what was necessary.
The parable is clearly meant to explain how the Kingdom enters our hearts.
Our lives are the soil, and we all react to the seed differently. Sometimes, there’s no response at all, and “birds” get their breakfast. Sometimes, it’s all rocky, and nothing can grow there. Some tried to grow, but thorns and thistles essentially got in the way.
There are always four responses to the words of Jesus.
There was a lot of people sitting on the beach, and all were listening. But Jesus knew deep down that his words would only touch 1 out of 4, and yet he kept sowing. He hoped for good soil, but that wasn’t a given.
In verses 9-15, Jesus had to explain this story to his disciples, who always did seem out-of-touch with these sorts of things. But I’m glad he did–Jesus, by interpreting this parable, gave us the keys that would unlock every one of his others. The seed represents God’s words. The soil is the condition of our hearts. My own heart listens and when the Word comes my heart responds in different ways. At any given time, the soil can be hard as a rock, or thorny
Jesus was never mystical or otherworldly, he didn’t cloak his words in imponderable mysteries like every other teacher longs to do. (Ego, mainly.) He didn’t want things to be an enigma, rather he wanted people to understand the ways and nature of God’s kingdom.
He wanted even the little children to get it–there were to be no secrets, only receptive hearts.
“The Bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.”
“My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.” 23 Then the king was exceedingly glad, and commanded that Daniel be taken up out of the den.”
Daniel 6:22-23, ESV
I am rather frustrated with myself. I confess I haven’t read Daniel in years, and I’ve chosen to rectify this. Lately I’ve busted through this book and discovered some wonderful stuff. I guess chapter 6 has become my favorite.
A couple of things stick out.
Daniel was an incredibly faithful man, praying three times a day. He was true-hearted who served each king with the gifts God had given him. I like him a lot.
Daniel became the king’s favorite, the Hebrew word used means “prominent or esteemed.” He was the greatest and best there was to be found. You could say that he was the finest man in the kingdom.
“Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other high officials and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom.”
Daniel knew how to lead and direct others. We read that he oversaw 120 chief overseers. I suspect he knew a thing or two about good leadership. Daniel understood his work, and it seems that he instinctively knew what good government required.
But Daniel was a victim of jealousy. A concerted effort, carefully planned and directed was meant to destroy him. Although the leaders of this rebellion could find nothing to accuse him of, they resorted to trap him because he prayed to God. Faithfully and consistently.
Their plot worked. These officials, through their twisting and manipulation of the legal code, were able to sentence Daniel to death. It seems being fed to hungry lions was the penalty for “breaking the law.”
Sometimes we must choose to serve God, even if it means breaking men’s laws.
“But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.”
Acts 5:29
Daniel was over 90 years old when he was thrown to the lions. Even in his advanced years he kept up serving God. The passage declares that he had “an excellent spirit.”
The lions, (several I assume), were not at all interested in devouring Daniel. King Darius however was incredibly distraught over Daniel’s execution, but it seems he was forced into it. The passage tells us that the king was so distressed that he couldn’t sleep that night.
Undoubtedly, Daniel slept far better then Darius.
To be faithful to the Lord God may require us to sleep with lions, but we can be assured of the Holy Spirit’s presence with us even then. A verse in Hebrews suggests “faith” protects us from the strong jaws of the enemy. Daniel understood.
“Who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,”
Hebrews 11:33
But yet, sometimes even the faithful will be eaten.
Sometimes the lions will devour believers. But we must trust and believe no matter what happens. Hebrews goes on to show us the extremity of the faithful. Read Hebrews 11:35-38 and you’ll understand what I mean. Being faithful can be very difficult. Bad things often happen.
*****
Some side thoughts. Prayer is intensely powerful. Daniel’s strength became the enemy’s focus and attack. That should give us understanding into the power we wield. But, do we use it?
Also, 1 Peter 5:8 explains much for the believer–
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
It’s been said that the “blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church.” We really must understand this, especially now.
“The apostles went away rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for the name of Christ, that they were graced so far as to be disgraced for the name of Christ!”
I’m looking at Christmas 1000 years from today, when He will bring us all together. I think that we’ll all kick back, and we will try to remember Christmas, 2023. We will most likely say, “But that was so long ago, it feels like a dream, I’m not so sure now…”
Like me, I trust your deepest hopes are pinned on an incredible grace.
Under the tree there are gifts. But we have been given a gift– of gifts. It is something that ‘rocks our world’. It’s called ‘eternal life’. It has been given to us freely, and without any stipulations. We’ve been ‘cut-loose’ from the tangled mass of sin. We are now very much free.
I know I need to learn to live like a free man.
My physical and mental illnesses often trips me up. I’m saddened by my weaknesses. But I reach out and touch this grace, I pull it in and take and make it my own. Jesus has freed me, and I want to walk in truth, with Him—and with you.
I’m grateful for my doctors, they’re definitely a blessing. I must keep looking to my rose–my Jesus who is my Savior. I covet your prayers especially now.
Our Lord Jesus is truly a “rose in the snow.” He has come to this mean and hostile world, but He is precious and beautiful in the eyes of the faithful. I pray that you find Him flourishing in your heart.
Two Psalms followed David’s return to God after his sin with Bathsheba, and murdering Uriah. The sins of adultery and murder are terrible and yet David finds forgiveness from God for both. He responds properly to Nathan’s hard word. King David was a warrior of renown and a talented Psalm writer and he put together two Psalms that would guide others.
Many years ago I used an overhead projector in a class. I had two transparencies, the first projected a map on a screen showing boundaries–the second laid over the top showed the movements of an invading army. They complimented each other to show a point. One laid on top of the other to make it clear what happened. (I realized I just dated myself–I’m old.)
You might say that’s how I want to teach Psalm 51 and Psalm 32. Both are David’s serious remarks on his repentance. They’re the same incident, but incredibly different. They both explain his repentance in contrasting ways.
You see that one is a psalm; the other is a maskil.
A psalm is a guide for worship, something musical sung from the knees—an acclamation of a joyful song. The other type is different; it’s called a maskil, which is something wise and reflective, thoughtful and understanding. To write a maskil takes time to pull one’s thoughts together and share seasoned instruction.
I’ve chosen v.v. 1-2 (both due to obvious constraints of brevity.)
Psalm 51
Psalm 51, To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!“
__________
Psalm 32
Psalm 32, A Maskil of David.
“Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.“
Reading the two Psalms together like this, laid on top of each other, or, like two sides of a coin, gives us an idea of David’s repentance–an clear understanding and a real depth. How did he respond to God’s message from the prophet? How can we answer others when the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin?
We must see that repentance is a gift God gives to those He loves. We must communicate that same love to others, and we can only do this under the Holy Spirit’s direction.
Both a “subjective” psalm, and an “objective” maskil is necessary I think. They both are to become the daily practice of a believer, both communicate what is needful. One sings–the other teaches, but both should be done carefully.
Perhaps another way is to see the art and the science of it all. But a caveat here. Psalm 32 blends with the autobiographical theme just like Psalm 53 does. (See 32:2-5). It even seems the objective takes on a tear or two! I guess that’s how truth in God’s kingdom works?
Our theology needs tears, and our tears need theology.
(I hope this isn’t confusing.)
I want to encourage you to take your repentance even deeper. I want to see you stir up this beautiful gift. I will want to hear your song, and then to understand your reasons for singing so beautifully.
“The Christian who has stopped repenting has stopped growing.”
“And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, 3 and his clothes became radiant, intensely white, as no one on earth could bleach them. 4 And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, and they were talking with Jesus.
5 “And Peter said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here. Let us make three tents, one for you and one for Moses and one for Elijah.” 6 For he did not know what to say, for they were terrified.”
“And a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice came out of the cloud, “This is my beloved Son; listen to him.” 8 And suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone with them but Jesus only.”
I could go a hundred different ways with thispassage. After much thought (disorganized most of the time) I’ve decided to go with the following. I know deep down how deficient it is, and I know you have much to add to it, which is very good.
But what I do understand I give to you.
The more I try to process Mark 9 the more I see things that are wildly significant. What happened there was radical, and I realize that I still don’t have a solid grip on it, and if I did I know deep down it’d change my life.
James, John, and Peter. Why these three? Some have suggested that these particular disciples were the ones who desperately needed to see what was going to happen. That’s very possible. Perhaps they were the weakest, and maybe they needed to see the real Jesus in His glory. My personal view is that these three wrote books, epistles. Maybe Jesus understood this, and gave them this earth-shaking experience?
The impact on Peter was profound. “”For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17 He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with Him, I am well pleased.” We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.” (2 Peter 1:16-18).
Toward the end of Peter’s life he couldn’t shake the Transfiguration and what he witnessed there. He recalled the “glory” but it seems it was the voice that was the most profound. It was that voice that completely altered his life and ministry. (Notice that he mentions it twice in verse 18.)
The Greek word for “transfigured” is metamorphosis. (Like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon.) Jesus wasn’t put in some spiritual “spotlight,” rather the glory that was seen was coming from inside Him. We see that He was God and Jesus revealed Himself clearly as God. The three disciples who were witnesses seem to struggle with exactly what took place. They use human analogies and images to try to explain to us what they saw.
The word “terrified” is the word phobia. Could it be that our encounter with God could go to that extreme? Could we be that we could be terrified in His presence? Does that fit into our theology? You need to decide if it’s significant or not.
And what about Moses and Elijah? Most feel that each represented the Law and the Prophets. I must point out that both had ministered from the top of mountains before? But notice, even though Jesus emanated extreme glory, these two did not. Also, the arrival of these two reinforces the real world of life after death. Both Moses and Elijah were very much alive!
The “human” part of Jesus was temporarily set aside. We know that Jesus was fully man, but here we see Him as He really is–fully and completely God. What a revelation! The three disciples were profoundly touched. Seeing the power and glory of the Creator of the universe on the top of the mountain altered their lives and changed their ministry.
John would write his Gospel and three letters. James wrote the first book in the NT. Peter is credited with the Gospel of Mark and his two books. They “knew” exactly who Jesus was! They had become fully convinced and needed no theological explanation. They finally understood!
So much more should be considered.
What I’ve written today is so incomplete–I feel a little foolish putting this down in this post. But yet I’m actively praying for you that this might add to your understanding. The Transfiguration is profound. It certainly needs to be internally processed by every real believer. And for those who don’t know Jesus yet, I hope you can understand exactly who He is to us who believe.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.He was with God in the beginning.Through him all things were made; without him, nothing was made that has been made.In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
“Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.”
2 Corinthians 1:9
To be chronically ill often means living with awful frustration. We can’t do what we want, we are ‘trapped’ by a disease we never asked for, and we’re held hostage by our minds and bodies. We once had a job– a career… and our time was occupied by that. Suddenly our lives are turned upside down.
We wanted something else, anything more than being very sick.
I once was a pastor of a small church here in Alaska. I also taught Gospels, several years in a local Bible Institute. I loved ministry very much. They defined my identity and gave me purpose. I enjoyed helping people and teaching the Word. I endeavored to be faithful in the ministry. And I hope I did.
With the sudden onset of a brain tumor, followed up by a diagnosis of severe depression, my life more or less exploded. I had extensive memory loss. I knew I had to step out of the ministry. I simply could not function. It was a hard thing to leave it behind. (And I still miss it.)
My depression grew even more profound with the stillborn death of our third child just 3 days before her delivery. Things suddenly ground to a standstill as my wife and I tried to process all of this. I guess I just couldn’t understand and more or less just shut down. I was angry at God. I spent months in bed, unable to function.
Some people were true jewels.
Others were more or less mean and uncaring. (I quickly learned how to take the good with the bad.) I suppose I should have understood, but things were so tangled up inside me that I couldn’t verbalize a thing. But God knew all about me. He loved and never judged.
The post-op recovery following the tumor was an ordeal, as I had to learn many things all over again. A few years later I ended up on disability; I was unable to work, and my symptoms were so unpredictable. I dealt with profound depression and a solid dose of paranoia and fear.
I learned that meds can help, but they can’t fix the problem.
Sometimes the isolation seemed worse than the pain. We wonder why this is happening to us, and we hear lies about our worthiness or God’s goodness. Our value to others seems to be scuttled by our illness. We can feel cursed, forgotten, crippled by God, or even worse. (Maybe even irrevocably lost?)
Satan craves our spiritual destruction, and he snares unsteady souls.
I admit I have been slow to learn this– but God brings good things out of the dark. I’m embarrassed by my personal lack of acquiring all of this. Now I’m starting to learn finally, and I want His words to reflect these truths.
“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”
2 Corinthians 4:7
This light will shine, and the treasure is found in clay vessels. Brokenness only means the treasure is now seen clearly. It’s important to note–jewels lose none of their value by being surrounded by broken clay. Our weaknesses are being turned into goodness, understanding, and love for our brothers and sisters.
Troubles of many varieties will pay us a visit.Count on it.
No matter what their nature, God holds his people in place while everything else is falling apart. But for the broken believer, there is another dimension; we will finally triumph. The tragedies we’ve had to endure only supplement our faith. We will stand– because He makes us stand.
“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”
Alaska Bible Teacher 