pain

Listening to Brennan Manning

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Here are several quotes written by Brennan Manning. They’re definitely thought-provoking and should be prayed through. I think they’re worth considering. If you like them great, if not that’s ok too.

“The gospel declares that no matter how dutiful or prayerful we are, we can’t save ourselves. What Jesus did was sufficient.”

“When we wallow in guilt, remorse, and shame over real or imagined sins of the past, we are disdaining God’s gift of grace.”

“God loves you unconditionally, as you are, and not as you should be because nobody is as they should be.”

“I could more easily contain Niagara Falls in a teacup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God.”

“In my experience, self-hatred is the dominant malaise crippling Christians and stifling their growth in the Holy Spirit.”

“The splendor of a human heart that trusts it is loved unconditionally gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s “Ninth Symphony”, Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers”, the sight of 10,000 butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom. Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it.”

“Those who have the disease called Jesus will never be cured.”

“The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkness of their own imperfect existence.”

“God loves us as we are…not as we ought to be, because we are never going to be as we ought to be.”

“The ragamuffin gospel reveals that Jesus forgives sins, including the sins of the flesh; that He is comfortable with sinners who remember how to show compassion; but that He cannot and will not have a relationship with pretenders in the Spirit.”

“The North American Church is at a critical juncture. The gospel of grace is being confused and compromised by silence, seduction, and outright subversion. The vitality of the faith is being jeopardized. The lying slogans of the fixers who carry religion like a sword of judgment pile up with impunity. Let ragamuffins everywhere gather as a confessing Church to cry out in protest. Revoke the licenses of religious leaders who falsify the idea of God. Sentence them to three years in solitude with the Bible as their only companion.”

“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.”

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When Pain is All You Can Think About

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Sometimes we live in darkness. We suffer and it’s hard. We mentally accept God’s grace and His love for us, but in our heart we remain untouched. Pain saturates everything it seems. We seem to go through the motions, but deep down we’re convinced that we’ll never find the light that so many claim to have.

Are we “cursed?”

Pain fills our life. We live with something that is persistent, and our hope is a day when it’s all over. Psalm 88 is our Psalm. Nothing is sugar-coated. It is raw and unabridged. It’s pain under a microscope. That Psalm is yours.

For my soul is full of troubles,

    and my life draws near to Sheol.

I am counted among those who go down to the pit;

    I am a man who has no strength,

Psalm 88:3-4

Your Heavy Load

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“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29, Amplified Bible

He is inviting us.

Jesus requests our presence in one simple statement, “come to Me.” This phrase must be our starting point. It’s how you begin daily. If you’re His disciple, it’s imperative that you obey. But this concept is nuanced, it has profound meanings.

“All who are weary.” Each of us carries a heavy load. Sin has weight, whether we believe it or not. When I start to see this, I really begin my discipleship. Apart from Jesus’ invitation I will try to carry this heaviness on my own. This is called “religion,” and it’s a bad thing.

“My guilt overwhelms me—
    it is a burden too heavy to bear.”

Psalm 38:4

“I will give you rest.” It’s His gift, given to each believer. It isn’t earned, you don’t deserve it. His heart is for you to “rest.” The original Greek word often means “to refresh, or to cease your work.” Every true disciple knows this, and understands that Jesus rather laying a terrible burden on us, takes it off.

We must understand our calling.

Another burden (His own burden), is now given to us. It’s Jesus’own weight shared with believers. But it’s a restful burden that gives joy and peace. There are no longer sweaty religious rules, but authentic rest. Real discipleship is now based on love, not duty.

To follow Him in obedience is the happy delight of every disciple. When you are in love with Him the rigors of obedience have little weight.

“It never cost a disciple anything to follow Jesus; to talk about cost when you are in love with anyone is an insult.”

 Oswald Chambers

“For I am gentle and humble in heart,” is His nature. He always acts this way, it is who Jesus is. This is how He behaves to each of us. It becomes the very essence of how He relates to human beings, always gentle and completely humble. Sometimes we add things that obscure this, and we see Jesus in our own particular image. (Maybe that’s a way of defining idolatry?)

And finally--“and you will find rest for your souls.” Again, the Greek here is quite instructive: rest, “cessation of any motion, or labor.” My walk, following Him, isn’t working harder, but being in a joyful rest. God’s saints aren’t called to sweat, but walk in the sureness of the presence of Jesus inside them.

Life can be awfully hard. Trials come and we get overwhelmed.

The joyful rest is only a slice of what heaven will be like. If joy and peace are a wonder now, just you wait, our future holds promises of a continual awareness of Him in our new bodies. This fallen world will be completely remade. Sin, sadness and Satan will be no more.

“And me? I plan on looking you full in the face. When I get up, I’ll see your full stature and live heaven on earth.”

Psalm 17:15, MSG

It Gets Even Better

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I just saw a t-shirt. “It gets better,” and inside me something connected, it resonated. If there is something like spiritual mirth and laughter, I could barely contain myself. I wanted to shout and dance, but being an old man I knew I had to take extra Advil if I did. (Besides I was in Safeway.)

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Romans 8:18

 The last 20 years are something I’d rather forget and erase. It seems I’ve been hit with just about everything awful you can imagine. After each incident I find myself thinking, “finally, it’s done,” but no, it’s not really done, there’s more coming. I’m smiling as I write these words. “But no, it’s not.” Ha!

Being slammed over and over has created within me a special longing for my real home. When I ponder the eternity of heaven the knots of this life begin to unravel, and I see life as it really is. You see present day life is quite temporary, and these many issues will be forgotten.

The Apostle is remarkably clear about this.

“Neither count my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy,” is Paul’s take on his life’s issues. To finally complete all of the moments–and do it with joy, is his goal. Crossing the tape triumphantly is the hope of the staggering believer. And it is mine.

My pain is just for a simple singular moment, but eternity is time on steroids.

It is forever and ever and ever and ever.

On my end, the exchange I make is hardly perfect. I turn in my “sawdust” and get gold in return, and who can turn this trade down? My ugliness becomes eternal beauty and who can resist such a deal? These terrible things that hurt me so badly carry an everlasting weight of glory.

Brother, please believe this. Yes, I know, it hurts.

The Greek word “worthy” in verse 18 can be translated “having weight” which suggests a heaviness or burden that must be carried. But even so, it’s temporary. It enters but passes, even though at the moment it seems forever. You carry it for a moment–but that is all. and it’s done.

I look, and gaze into eternity, and laugh in joy.

Thorns for the Whore

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“Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns,
    and I will build a wall against her,
    so that she cannot find her paths.”

Hosea 2:6

A holy prophet is told to marry a prostitute–sounds crazy I know, but this union was intentionally commanded by God. It served to announce to Israel the present condition of their hearts, (1:2). In God’s eyes, Israel was nothing more than a spiritual whore. They would now be forced to grapple with this truth.

Her name was Gomer, and the prophet was Hosea.

The truth is sometimes a very hard thing. God has a bellyful of Israel’s prostitution, the nation has repeatedly went astray, they’re full of sin and idolatry. What else can God do to break this ‘spell’ and get their attention?

O.K. So why this hedge of thorns?

  • This hedge was initiated by God Himself
  • It was not vindictive; it wasn’t meant to destroy
  • Sin will never satisfy those in a covenant relationship with Him
  • Repentance was the goal God wanted to see
  • It’s function was to resist their sin and idolatry
  • This hedge was to bring Israel back into a right relationship with Himself

Imagine being restrained by the Lord in this way. Spiritual handcuffs and fetters and anything else that would restrict you from sin. He loves you and as a believer you belong to Him exclusively. He will discipline you if you persist in your sin. (But that is a good thing.)

He does this out of an everlasting love that’s forever loyal to you.

The very next verse (v. 7) is the response of Israel to being hedged in. It seems to be doing what He intends it to do. The ‘block’ seems to be working. (This sounds a bit like the “prodigal son.”)


“She shall pursue her lovers
    but not overtake them,
and she shall seek them
    but shall not find them.
Then she shall say,
    ‘I will go and return to my first husband,
    for it was better for me then than now.’“

Hosea 2:7

When you receive Jesus as your Savior you now belong exclusively to Him. That covenant is far more than eternal life. It also means that He is fully and irrevocably committed Himself to making you a holy person. He disciplines when you persist in sin. But it’s done out of love.

Some have suggested praying the hedge of thorns over straying children or family. Perhaps that’s what is necessary. Pastors and elders could intercede for wandering believers using the same example found in Hosea 2. I believe God hears us as we pray.

“We often learn more of God under the rod that strikes us than under the staff that comforts us.”

   Stephen Charnock

The Thief on the Cross Speaks

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Luke 23:39-43

“One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” 

42 “And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 43 And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

The pain was incredible, but I know that deep down I deserved to die. But not like this. Never like this. I was almost out of my mind with fear. What they were doing to me was terrifying.

You must understand that I was a common thief. I had stolen a loaf of bread when I was eight years old and that’s how it all got started for me. It more or else got bigger and easier. I knew how to steal and I was quite good at it. I was Jacob, the master thief!

When I was finally caught, they sentenced me to die. I supposed it was inevitable. I fault no one but myself as I knew what I was getting into. As I dragged my beam up to Golgotha, it was really strange but I suddenly remembered a verse from the scripture and it really did unsettle me.

“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.”

(Gal. 3:13, ESV)

It’s a terrible thing to die this way. There were three of us, nailed to the wood and lifted up between heaven and earth. Jesus was nailed to the middle cross, not that it really mattered; all three of us were going to die today.

Many hope for an easy death, maybe in their sleep–but that’s not going to happen to us.

The third man could only mock, he was afraid, and I suppose he just echoed those Pharisees who didn’t really understand. But I knew better. I knew who this other man was, I had heard all the stories. Deep down I knew that this man on the center cross was the Messiah.

A crowd had gathered to watch us die. The Romans in their wonderful ingenuity had made a sign that they nailed above Jesus’ head, and it declared to everyone that Jesus was “the king of the Jews.” Even as he was dying, they found a way to malign him and irritate the crowd.

The other man being crucified continued to mock Jesus, and it infuriated me.

Why I defended him I don’t know for sure.

But I understood. Jesus was murdered out of the envy and jealousy of the Pharisees. He didn’t deserve to die like this, but He was hated, and who can confront these religious men without becoming a victim. Jesus had repeatedly crossed the line, so now they were now putting him to death. It seemed evil was really winning today.

I saw the soldiers throwing dice for Jesus’ clothes. He was now being mocked by them as well, even as He was dying on a brutal cross.

But all of a sudden it all made perfect sense.

He really was the Messiah, and these bastards were killing him. Crucifixion was starting to work on me now. I began to choke on my words, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“Jesus… please remember me. When your kingdom comes, please let me be a part of it.”

And as beaten as He was, He managed to turn and look directly at me. They had whipped and brutalized Him, and yet He was still aware. His words were whispered now, but I understood. “I promise that today you will be with me in paradise.”

I was starting to spasm again.

But the horror of death had left me. Some time had passed, and I could hear his breathing stop. But for the first time, I had peace. They used a spear on Jesus, but he was already dead.

The soldiers now came to the two of us, and they were carrying an ax to break our legs. It all had to do with the coming festival, and the Pharisees wanted us dead. When they swung that ax I knew a pain that I could never describe. My own death came quickly after that.

I was suddenly standing in paradise, whole and complete, and loved.

Someone was standing before me. He was shining, and I knew he was powerful; stronger, and He was more glorious than anyone I had ever met. It was crazy but somehow I knew that it was the Lord Jesus. He had come to meet me. It’s funny, but I realized that somehow I really did belong. Me–a dirty rotten thief.

Jesus had promised me, pronouncing me righteous, me of all people. I suddenly had a joy that I could never explain. I really was a part of the Kingdom that was beyond anything I had ever known. I believed him and asked if somehow I could be part of his eternal rule.

I simply asked and He gave me everything.

“I am going to heaven just like the thief on the cross who said in that final last moment: “Lord remember me.”

Billy Graham

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Cover Art: “Christ on the Cross between Two Thieves,” by Peter Paul Rubens

The Ministry of Poured Oil

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I have to admit, I never really appreciated the depth of Psalm 23:5. I supposed that “He anoints my head with oil” was simply just figurative language for something nice. Poetic. I never knew this definite parallel until recently. But David completely understood and was able to understand the full ministry of the Shepherd.

“You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.”

Psalm 23:5, ESV

I recently read this and suddenly I understood.

“Sheep can get their head caught in briers and die trying to get untangled. There are horrid little flies that like to torment sheep by laying eggs in their nostrils which turn into worms and drive the sheep to beat their head against a rock, sometimes to death. Their ears and eyes are also susceptible to tormenting insects.”

So the shepherd anoints their whole head with oil.

“Then there is peace. That oil forms a barrier of protection against the evil that tries to destroy the sheep. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them? Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil?”

He has an endless supply!

His oil protects and makes it possible for you to fix your heart, mind, and eyes on Him today and always! There is peace in the valley! May our good good Father anoint your head with oil today so that your cup overflows with blessings! God is good and He is faithful!!”

Posted by Heart Prints

“But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.”

1 John 2:20

Oh, How He Loves You!

When a Believer Limps

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Crutches at the Table

“David asked, “Is there no one still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?” Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in both feet.”‘ 

 2 Samuel 9:3, NIV 

This crippled man was named Mephibosheth.  He was injured by the actions of a nurse;  she dropped him as she was trying to escape the palace (2 Sam. 4:4).  It was not of Mephibosheth’s doing, but someone else made a mistake, and it totally and irrevocably changed his life.

He would always be disabled.

If you haul out your old musty commentaries, you’ll find that Mephibosheth’s name means, “shame.” Perhaps a casual ‘disdain’ would be how people treated him. But David was a different sort of king (as kings go), and he elevates Mephibosheth to the feasting table.

King David wants to include him!

Interesting. I believe that there are a great many people like Mephibosheth.  They’ve been injured by someone else’s stumbling.  It seems we pass these things on to each other.  And the lameness we inflict may not be physical.  It may be spiritual or emotional.  Sometimes we injure others without knowing what we have really done to them.

Jesus made some powerful statements about people who injure others.  

Some of the most vicious and evil woundings that are done are usually on a moral or spiritual level.  People can heal physically over time, but the wounds of the spirit are incredibly devastating.  When someone harms us on this level it can completely undo us, for a lifetime. (And perhaps, maybe forever).

We are capable of much evil.  We affect others in ways we don’t understand.  We need to seek God’s grace right now; we cannot allow ourselves the luxury of diminishing or minimizing what we have done. A vital point to consider: We cannot go on crippling others without injuring ourselves.

Wounded people wound. But healed people can often become healers themselves.

We can read of King David’s truly majestic treatment of Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel 9. He actively blessed him, and perhaps that is the proactive action we ought to take. We must make the effort– to bless others.

As a king, this was a very minor incident. Hardly worth recording in the lofty affairs of state. But as a man–to restore Mephibosheth, was definitely one of his greatest decisions. Kindness and gentleness should always be a key part of someone who is in authority, especially over others.

There’s another concept here– we discover something that is profoundly true about us in Paul’s letter to the Church in Ephesus.  It’s here, in 1:5, that we see that God our Father, acts like David, and receives Mephibosheth; just like God receives us to Himself. We find that we’re adopted, loved, and held, and we get a prime place at the table!

We may use crutches, but we walk by faith. And that may be the greatest lesson in this portion of scripture–and the most profound experience we can have as believers.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”

Ephesians 1:5, NLT

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A Rose in the Snow

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Merry Christmas, dear ones! 

I’m looking at Christmas 1000 years from today, when He will bring us all together.  I think that we’ll all kick back, and we will try to remember Christmas, 2023.  We will most likely say, “But that was so long ago, it feels like a dream, I’m not so sure now…”

Like me, I trust your deepest hopes are pinned on an incredible grace. 

Under the tree there are gifts.  But we have been given a gift– of gifts.  It is something that ‘rocks our world’.  It’s called ‘eternal life’.  It has been given to us freely, and without any stipulations.  We’ve been ‘cut-loose’ from the tangled mass of sin.  We are now very much free.

I know I need to learn to live like a free man.

My physical and mental illnesses often trips me up. I’m saddened by my weaknesses.  But I reach out and touch this grace, I pull it in and take and make it my own.  Jesus has freed me, and I want to walk in truth, with Him—and with you.

I’m grateful for my doctors, they’re definitely a blessing. I must keep looking to my rose–my Jesus who is my Savior. I covet your prayers especially now.

Our Lord Jesus is truly a “rose in the snow.” He has come to this mean and hostile world, but He is precious and beautiful in the eyes of the faithful. I pray that you find Him flourishing in your heart.

Love to you from alaskabibleteacher!

Finding the Light

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“Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.”

2 Corinthians 1:9

To be chronically ill often means living with awful frustration. We can’t do what we want, we are ‘trapped’ by a disease we never asked for, and we’re held hostage by our minds and bodies. We once had a job– a career… and our time was occupied by that. Suddenly our lives are turned upside down.

We wanted something else, anything more than being very sick.

I once was a pastor of a small church here in Alaska. I also taught Gospels, several years in a local Bible Institute. I loved ministry very much. They defined my identity and gave me purpose. I enjoyed helping people and teaching the Word. I endeavored to be faithful in the ministry. And I hope I did.

With the sudden onset of a brain tumor, followed up by a diagnosis of severe depression, my life more or less exploded. I had extensive memory loss. I knew I had to step out of the ministry. I simply could not function. It was a hard thing to leave it behind. (And I still miss it.)

My depression grew even more profound with the stillborn death of our third child just 3 days before her delivery. Things suddenly ground to a standstill as my wife and I tried to process all of this. I guess I just couldn’t understand and more or less just shut down. I was angry at God. I spent months in bed, unable to function.

Some people were true jewels.

Others were more or less mean and uncaring. (I quickly learned how to take the good with the bad.) I suppose I should have understood, but things were so tangled up inside me that I couldn’t verbalize a thing. But God knew all about me. He loved and never judged.

The post-op recovery following the tumor was an ordeal, as I had to learn many things all over again. A few years later I ended up on disability; I was unable to work, and my symptoms were so unpredictable. I dealt with profound depression and a solid dose of paranoia and fear.

I learned that meds can help, but they can’t fix the problem.

Sometimes the isolation seemed worse than the pain. We wonder why this is happening to us, and we hear lies about our worthiness or God’s goodness. Our value to others seems to be scuttled by our illness. We can feel cursed, forgotten, crippled by God, or even worse. (Maybe even irrevocably lost?)

Satan craves our spiritual destruction, and he snares unsteady souls.

I admit I have been slow to learn this– but God brings good things out of the dark. I’m embarrassed by my personal lack of acquiring all of this. Now I’m starting to learn finally, and I want His words to reflect these truths.

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”

2 Corinthians 4:7

This light will shine, and the treasure is found in clay vessels. Brokenness only means the treasure is now seen clearly. It’s important to note–jewels lose none of their value by being surrounded by broken clay. Our weaknesses are being turned into goodness, understanding, and love for our brothers and sisters.

Troubles of many varieties will pay us a visit. Count on it.

No matter what their nature, God holds his people in place while everything else is falling apart. But for the broken believer, there is another dimension; we will finally triumph. The tragedies we’ve had to endure only supplement our faith. We will stand– because He makes us stand.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

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