He Came for Us!

by Pastor David Taylor

“The central miracle asserted by Christians is the incarnation. They say that God became man.” 

CS Lewis

One of my favorite places to fish in Alaska is Kodiak Island, where I tried to catch silver salmon with some friends. Just as we were setting up camp, the sun disappeared, and the temperature dropped quickly. While we struggled with our tents, the wind joined in. Then, it started pouring rain—like someone dumped a bucket of water on us! I woke up at midnight to strong winds flattening my tent, making me wonder if fishing Kodiak was really worth it. 😁

But in the morning, the storm had moved on. The sky transformed into something gold! The sun shone brightly, making the world come alive. The night gracefully stepped aside, allowing the darkness to fade away and make room for a new, vibrant day.

I realized then that’s the way of Christmas. 

We have an Advent hope. The light doesn’t negotiate with darkness; there’s no struggle. The darkness retreats when the light arrives. Plain and simple.

Advent hope seems slow, but honestly, it’s unstoppable.

When Jesus came into the world, nothing could stop Him. His birth is recognized during Advent. His arrival was predicted in the scriptures. Jesus came to take away our sins and offer us eternal life.

The Bible teaches us that Jesus is God in the flesh, fully divine and fully man, who came to save us from our sin. This is basic Christianity.

One: The Word Who Always Was, (vv. 1-2)

“In the beginning” reminds us of Genesis, where God created everything (Genesis 1:1). Through the Spirit, he shows that he has taken an important step towards us with the arrival of Jesus. He is dedicated to saving us.

God created us to know and enjoy him (Gen 3:8). We must understand that sin entered the world and screwed everything up. Jesus came to sacrifice Himself to secure our salvation, restoring his image in those who trust him. 

Jesus Christ restores all that we lost because of our sin.

In the beginning was the Word. The Word did not come into existence in Mary’s womb but He always was. The Word is eternal. Before it all began, he was there, and he was coming for us.

The phrase “the word was also with God” indicates that the Word is from God but is closely connected to Him (Mk 6:3; 11:4; 2 Cor 5:8; 1 John 1:2). The Word is also God and represents the eternal Son of God, who is both with God and is God. He is the Word and the Son, distinct yet unified with God.

Two: The Word Who is the Creator, (v. 3)

Everything we see was made through Jesus, and nothing exists without him (see Col 1:16-17). The Old Testament says that God created the heavens and the earth, while the New Testament shows that the Word is the true Creator. This highlights Christ’s key role in creation and his divine nature. Both Testaments emphasize the relationship between God the Father and Jesus, confirming that all existence is intentional and meaningful. 

Recognizing Jesus as the Creator enhances our understanding of his authority, showing us that all things were created through him and find their purpose in him.

Three: The Word Who is the Light, (vs. 4-5). 

We must understand that we’re born spiritually dead and blind. But that can change.

Jesus is the light and every one of us is spiritually blind to truth and beauty and glory (John 17:24). Jesus overcomes our darkness and now gives life. Jesus does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. His love is seeking us.

The word, the gospel, brings forth life and light so that we are born again, literally born from above, and so we see (John 3:3). The light shines into our darkness and the darkness leaves us.

Christmas Discipleship

Our walk with Jesus should be strengthened by Christmas. Sometimes we might shelf our discipleship during the holidays. This can be something we’re not even aware that we’re doing. But I definitely believe that our discipleship needs Christmas. This isn’t really an option.

Maybe our faith should actually be intensified by the grandeur and splendor of Christmas?

After all, when we mull over this tremendous mystery of the incarnation our faith and praise can only grow. To think that God Himself came for us like He did is pretty potent stuff. God became a helpless baby, and needed breast milk and a change of diapers. That should rattle us if we really understand.

“The Almighty appeared on earth as a helpless human baby, needing to be fed and changed and taught to talk like any other child. The more you think about it, the more staggering it gets. Nothing in fiction is so fantastic as this truth of the Incarnation.”

J.I. Packer

Prayer is one of the best ways I know to incorporate this. I imagine that the Holy Spirit is pretty active right now as many believers meditate on what really happened in that manger in Bethlehem.

A CHRISTMAS PRAYER

Dear Father, it’s Christmas time again. Help me this year to season the celebration with reason. Teach me to plan with my family. May I avoid the clutter that dims my vision and burdens my time.

Keep me mindful of my budget. and help me to remember that a gift selected with love tugs forever at the heartstrings. Forgive me for past extravagance.

Remind me to decorate in good taste, treasuring all of the past blending it with the new, but holding steadfast to reason. Keep me, dear Father, from strain lest I stray from all thy teachings.

Guide me to the light of Christmas. Help me keep a candle’s flame of that light as a constant reminder of my goal . . . eternity.

I pray for thy love and help, in the name of thy beloved Son whose birthday we are observing.

Amen.


– Author Unknown

 

Come Out of the Closet

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,

Eph. 6:13-17, ESV

You’re called to be armor-plated.

Ephesians is quite clear about this, and we dare not live without spiritual protection, and as a matter of fact, we must wear each piece to survive spiritually. To be ‘naked’ is catastrophic. Neglecting to dress appropriately brings cataclysmic disorder. We dare not minimize our need for wearing our armor.

Each piece listed must be worn. This is a scriptural mandate for every believer in Jesus.

“The whole armor of God” explains the equipment we need to survive spiritually. Here’s a list of the six:

  • The belt of truth–this pulls everything together and holds us and keeps us secure in the truth.
  • The breastplate of righteousness–our spiritual heart is protected by knowing we’re accepted by the Father. Being right with God is not a feeling nor is it a mere hopeful wish. We wear what is real.
  • The shoes of the gospel (of peace)–the idea of standing in place (“to stand”) explain our ability to be fixed on grace. When we wear battle shoes we cannot be pushed back or lose our footing. Wearing gospel shoes brings us spiritual stability. We can stand in place, rooted and strong.
  • The shield of faith–is a vital way of protecting ourselves from the evil arrows shot by the enemy. Satan targets us when he thinks that we aren’t using faith to defend ourselves.
  • The helmet of salvation–this is the realization that our mind is protected. This vital piece brings us wholeness as we understand what Jesus has done. We know we are saved and wearing our helmet is our protection from demonic-inspired lies.
  • The sword of the Holy Spirit–the only offensive weapon we have, and it’s all we need. The Word of God will frighten the enemy and push him back. The Word slices and cuts down every obstacle and every lie.

   Watchman Nee

I must stress that clothing yourself is vital. You dare not live spiritually naked wearing nothing. You will be totally vulnerable to the satanic wickedness that is swirling around you. I’m afraid it’s all very real and sobering and there is no escape clause until you finally arrive in heaven.

“We know [positively] that we are of God, and the whole world [around us] is under the power of the evil one.”

1 John 5:19, Amplified Bible

I’m afraid you haven’t been given an option in all of this. Our battle equipment in Ephesians 6 is not just some theological preference or concept. It’s real.

Over 40 years of following Jesus have taught me that most believers struggle because they won’t arm themselves for battle. They refuse to acknowledge the environment they’re in and don’t realize the spiritual battle they are facing. They like the sentiment behind this particular passage, (it stirs their heart) but the reality of the battle never fully sinks in.

They end up leaving their armor behind.

The good news is that we have already won because of what the Lord has done. Wearing the armor strengthens and stabilizes us. He pours out His grace, and there will be times of rest of that I am certain. “He leads me beside still waters.”

As obedient and faithful believers we need to realize we’re secure in Him. Yes, there is a terrible fight, but “The battle is the Lord’s.”

“For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me.”

Psalm 18:39, ESV

The Church of Many Colors

“His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Ephesians 3:10-11

Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age. Also, he made him a tunic of many colors.

Genesis 37:3

The word “manifold” is a very curious word. In the Old Testament, this particular word is used to describe Joseph’s coat of many colors. I can only imagine that it was striped like a rainbow, (or maybe even tied-dyed?) Whatever it was, Joseph was quite distinctive as he wore his colorful coat.

Joseph’s coat

Paul in Ephesians 3, intentionally borrows this word to explain “the manifold wisdom of God.”

Paul uses this dramatic imagery of Joseph’s coat to describe God’s wonderful wisdom that has saturated the Church. There is something variegated in this wisdom (balance, comprehension, understanding) that infuses His Church.

First of all, we are people of diverse colors. There is a wisdom given to each believer. This defines us and portrays us to a color-starved world. God’s own wisdom, defined quite incredibly in our hearts and spirits, describes our coloration and hue.

Some are merciful, and other believers are bold. Some are kind, others are discerning.

Some are gentle, and others are prophetic and sharp. Some are artists, while others know how to roof a house properly. A few are discerning, and others can endure much. But our personal coloring should never threaten another. Those who see only blue– should never be shaken when another sees yellow.

Our fleshly attitudes would militate against this understanding. We seem to insist that everyone be green, or yellow even. But this isn’t how God through the Holy Spirit comes to our spirits. We should receive each brother and sister, in the wisdom that God has chosen, to flow and grow and give. It seems we are each a prism that reflects a certain light.

We can see the “gifts of the Holy Spirit” in 1 Corinthians 12:4-11.

They are carefully distributed, but definitely never dumped. They come out in many ways through many different personalities and backgrounds. But it seems we are slowly learning that each believer has a definite place and purpose.

I suppose that pride confines us into something that is restrictive. We prefer ideas and proclivities we can control (or maybe label).  Perhaps, it is we that need to be adjusted. We should see the incredible broadness of God’s grace, and how each one is touched and shaped.

The Church is now God’s unique reservoir of wisdom and grace for the world.

We gleam with the certain light of His presence and goodness. Each believer radiates an aspect of grace from the heart of God to others. We are indeed the “Church of many colors.”

“The complaint that church is boring is never made by people in awe.” 

RC Sproul

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We Serve, First of All

servant-king

“But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant.”

Mark 10:44

I admit that I’m processing something right now, and it isn’t easy.

I suppose its implications could turn everything ‘upside down,’ at least for me anyway. Some scientists have postulated that our planet is due for a complete magnetic switchover. This is when the north becomes south and vice versa. My issues at this moment are not quite that cosmic.

There are 7,000,000,000+ people now alive on this planet.

Sometimes I wonder if many of my issues come from not seeing this. It seems that there’s an intoxication of success when we become increasingly confused over ‘who’ we are. We think it’s about our efforts, our giftedness. Pride drives us, even among supposedly mature Christian believers.

3 “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”

Philippians 2

Jesus was not driven like we seem to be.

We, on the other hand, think we need to be assertive, (at least the Christian version of it) and push our way forward. However, Jesus’ message and teaching were all about emptying Himself of being God and becoming a servant of servants. This is the arresting fact we fail to consider–

Jesus did all of this while wearing a towel, not a crown.

John 13:3-5

He could have done a ‘teaching’ on servanthood, or maybe direct a symposium on “slave theory” and I’m certain it would have been more than sufficient. But instead, Jesus put ‘skin on His words’ and actually got down on His knees to wash dirty feet. His disciples freaked out when they saw him do this. You and I, witnesses of this, would pretty much do the same.

It was something they could never unsee, nor ever forget.

6 “Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,

 he humbled himself in obedience to God
   and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”

How can we not do this, and why is seeing Him serving like this so brain-flipping?

This is a hard question to ask, but to be perfectly honest, does our discipleship include emptying ourselves daily? Can we find peace and fulfillment by becoming an unknown? Is this what we’re missing in becoming Christlike? These are very hard questions.


“Humility is perfect quietness of heart, It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.”

“It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.”   

Andrew Murray

(All verses in this post are from Philippians 2, NLT, unless noted.)

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Furnace People Understand

The Furnace

Isaiah 48:10

“Once we have come through the ‘furnace of humiliation,’ desperately, fearfully clinging to Christ for all He is worth, then we are fully equipped to march into somebody else’s furnace.”

You will not be able to handle the Kingdom of God unless you’re walking out of a life of brokenness and humility!

Furnace people will often recognize those without any real and tangible connection with God’s work. There are furnace promises, but many, without truly understanding will walk around in unreality. Often ‘they get religion.’ These are those who land on “the rocky soil.” They become ‘quasi-disciples’ who will do and say things that they really don’t really understand.

But furnace people have a connection to that which is honest and true. The Holy Spirit refuses to give up. These people can’t tolerate anything false or manipulative.  Their own hearts are being transformed by the fire, and it seems only then are qualified to minister God’s grace. Only furnace people can enter. You will know them by their scars.

The Church has a tremendous need for those who have withstood the furnace of humiliation.

After we endure its ugliness and its great evil, we’ll discover that we’re in an altogether different place than when we first started. The Church is waiting for those who went in and then come out on the other side.

Again, the furnace of affliction will have done its work.

I was thinking today about Joseph, and his ordeal, as found in the Book of Genesis chapters 37-50.  He was a rare kind of person. Perhaps, one in a thousand. You may emulate but never exceed his faith. His confidence in the Lord was true and came from his lousy circumstances.

Furnace people have the ability to function gracefully at this particular stage.

Furnace people are sovereignly brought to a place where they can minister the grace of God into desperate situations. We must convince ourselves, that furnace people have a gift.  They have been through the worst.  They may be battered and bruised.  But they still stand.  We must look to those who have become the gracious agents of a loving God.

Our brothers and sisters have carried the Word with wisdom and grace. They come to us, through the fire.

But will we receive them? I hope so.

My hope is that you will personally grasp what God has worked for you. That really is your truest calling.  The things good or bad, that have happened are part of how you’ll understand grace. He waits for you to respond.  Will you come to Him, through the grace you find in flames?

Frequently the most gracious people you’ll ever meet are those who endured God’s furnace.

Malachi 3:3

***

When There’s Too Much Pain

“You have given me many troubles and bad times, but you will give me life again. When I am almost dead, You will keep me alive.”

Psalm 71:20, NCV

“He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”

Isaiah 53:3, NASB


I have never spoken out like this, but my wife and I had a daughter who died in a terribly vicious way–she was stillborn, dead at birth, in November 1999. She was doing great, up to a week before Lynnie’s due date. We knew that in a few days, we would be able to see her– face-to-face. What a joy that was going to be!

But yet that’s not what happened.

Elizabeth Grace Lowe died from strangulation from her own umbilical cord. Nothing could have been done. My wife had noticed a moment of very frantic activity, as Elizabeth fought for her life. We plummeted from ecstatic joy to devastating sorrow in just seconds. It came “out of the blue,” totally unexpected. Who could prepare us?

We were completely undone. 

“For the Lord will not reject forever,
For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to Him there is abundant lovingkindness.
For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.”

Lamentations 3:32-33, NASB

Yes, there can be horrifying pain, but there are also solid promises.

There can be brutal sadness, but there are those specious Psalms. There is a blessing for all those who grieve. This topic deserves far more attention than this simple post. (If you’re in the thick of things, I’m trusting the Holy Spirit will help you to your next step.)

There can be such sorrow in this life, far much more than the human heart can possibly contain. But our Savior has a title (one of many). He is called the “Man of Sorrows.” He is the one who is “on point.” He leads us through such intense hostility and mind-numbing pain. He is there when the switch is flipped on us and it becomes instantly dark. He can’t, won’t, and will not leave you to face your pain alone. He knows.

There are a few things that I want to communicate to you.

These have come out of great darkness. I have tried awfully hard to be a disciple, even though I’m doing the worst job of it. These may be right, or wrong, or just okay–you decide. I don’t really know anymore.

  1. God amazingly takes the full weight of our pain and sorrow (Isa. 45:6-7, NLT). He doesn’t shift the blame or deny His work in the life of people. He’s fully sovereign. (Sometimes we need to adjust our theology.) Maybe it’s hard to trust Him right now–that’s more than understandable. In eternity, I believe, it’ll make perfect sense. Sometimes, we need to wait.
  2. Jesus has fully entered into our sorrows. All that you are feeling right now, He feels. If you feel you are at a minus 10, then He does as well. As you suffer, He is closer than your shadow. He knows us. He feels it all. Please don’t short-circuit over this.
  3. Nothing is ever wasted. We really shouldn’t treat these moments of sorrow as a waste. Have you ever wondered at Jesus’ ‘economy’ after the 5000 were fed?  He assigns value to the leftovers. The disciples pick up their baskets and collect everything again. Nothing will go to waste.  I strongly suspect that His kingdom works this way.
  4. This pain, this sorrow, is the intensive crash course in becoming a person of mercy. You now will always walk with a limp. At times the scars will be quite visible to those who can really see. This pain will become forever a “healed wound,” (but a wound nevertheless). It helps to seek out others who have walked this same path. And yet, to be honest, I don’t think I will ever fully trust a person (or a pastor even) who doesn’t walk with a limp.
  5. You will need (but maybe not accept) the transformation of your suffering into glory. This will take some time, and it almost feels like you’re not progressing at all. I encourage you to re-think each of these simple points. The Holy Spirit may be working, perhaps behind the scenes.
  6. Finally remember this: God is not a monster, stomping on us like a boy crushes ants. He has carried all of our pain and illness. He clearly comes alongside every suffering believer. It is Satan who would suggest to you that God is a Celestial Menace, not worthy of our love. I will be very blunt with you, that idea has to be implicitly rejected. Its origins are truly satanic.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Psalm 147:3

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, for the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.”

Isaiah 61:1

“He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.”

Psalm 147:3, TPT
 
I’m pretty much convinced that this post is a bit much for some. But please hold it close, maybe it’ll matter later on? (But I hope not.)
 

“A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven.”

    Chuck Swindoll

*

 

His Love Persists, Psalm 136

Psalm 136

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

Psalm 136:1, ESV

Repetition is when a single word or phrase is used multiple times in short succession for effect. It can help emphasize a point. This Psalm certainly does that.

Since this post is pretty much about repetition, I’m going to share some different versions that different translators have interpreted the last phrase of all 26 verses. Keep in mind the last phrase is used is repeating itself word for word in each translation.

Now here are seven different English translations of the end of every verse.

AMP: …for His lovingkindness (graciousness, mercy, compassion) endures forever.

NASB: …for His faithfulness is everlasting.

KJV: …for his mercy endureth for ever.

NCV: …His love continues forever.

CJB: …for his grace continues forever.

MSG: …His love never quits.

NET: …for his loyal love endures.

The word, translated in these different ways, is hesed” in Hebrew. It means a forever love, loyalty, faithfulness or kindness. It is something everlasting or eternal that’s based all on covenant. Yes, every translation is different, but the same.

I suppose this repeated phrase (26 times) may seem a bit redundant. I for one am prone to skip Psalms 136 because of that, I mean it seems boring. Just repeating this over and over I start to wonder if there’s something better to read.

But we dare not make this mistake.

If we respectfully dismantle this phrase we find it deals with seeing God as eternally steadfast. We are called to state out loud His love for us that never wavers or ends. A “steady” forever love that will not change, flicker, or diminish. It just goes on and on and on.

The phrase then moves even deeper than that. “Endures forever,” shapes the whole thought. You might say that these two words extend or amplify the complete verse and strengthen the entire Psalm.

O.K. Here’s another bone to chew on.

First, I need to point out that the first part of each verse states the unique circumstance that declares what exactly has been done. For instance notice the wonder and power of each verse. This is verse 15, for example,

“He overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea, (the unique phrase)
    
for his steadfast love endures forever.”
(the repeated phrase)

The first part describes a miracle of deliverance from Egypt. The second is that same repeated phrase we find in all 26 verses. First the unique phrase, and but then comes the repeated one. But let’s add even more flavor. We must teach ourselves to remember. You must consider each event He has led you through to be a testimony to others.

You then must tell your children about your own personal experiences with God.

We forget these miracles unless we consciously recall what God has done. Miracles, healings, provisions, and His amazing grace. Never disremember these things. Bring them to mind, over and over again. You should never forget those “God-things.” They’re uniquely yours. He has done distinctive and tremendous things for you alone.

I guess the main point of this post is to emphasize to you to value those unique miracles that you’ve experienced in your own life.

In life it seems we remember what is important to us. What He has done for you is your own unique testimony. It’s yours, and yours alone. What you’ve experienced is completely your own testimony.

When we enter a forever kind of an endless eternity that each of us will have amazing stories to tell each other about God’s special touch, His miracles and all of the grace and forgiveness that He uniquely loved us with. We all will have our own unique and singular stories. What we share will be our evidence of His love.

That’s pretty amazing when you think about it.

“And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony,”

Rev. 12:11, ESV

Are You Living in Awe?

“The heavens declare the glory of God,
    and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.”

Psalm 19:1

“Earth’s crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees, takes off his shoes, The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

In some odd way, our lives seem to be always getting interrupted by God, and if we’re alert, it can happen a lot. We have a built in need to see the invisible, and the work of the Creator. Our night sky here in Alaska is pretty much unreal. I see stars that others can’t, and the northern lights here are remarkable.

But probably the most incredible night skies were in Mexico while camping. I remember laying on the beach seeing the Milky Way on full display. It seemed there were  more stars than ever before. It was the work of God’s hands.

It was completely overwhelming.

I started to tremble and shake. I got up and ran to our tent. I simply couldn’t handle the incredible universe without some kind of a buffer. I was completely undone and reduced to a quivering speck of dust. I tried to tell my wife what had just happened but I couldn’t. I was too scrambled inside. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t explain what just happened.

Years later I came to understand that I experienced was called awe.

It was something much more common a few generations ago. There’s a kind of existential crisis which we side-step in these more modern times. We rarely contemplate the night sky, mostly because we can’t see it. It’s called light pollution. Our man-made lights make it impossible to see God’s stars.

We seldom, if ever, have seen “fire in a bush.”MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

It seems we have traded our awareness of an authentically Almighty God, and in turn, we get to pick all blackberries we can haul. We reason it out and feel we have made a better bargain. But when we diminish the created world, we shouldn’t be surprised if we find that we have become spiritual paupers.

Maybe we should start to see those things that are invisible to our naked eye?

Each of us has the opportunity right now to see the spiritual world that swirls around us. Why should we wait for heaven to see these things? Ask our Father to reveal His glory now in this present moment. Learn to see that which can’t be seen, but by faith.

  “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that you care for him?”

Psalms 8:3-4

Judas Iscariot Speaks to Us

My name is Judas Iscariot, and I betrayed Jesus. It really had nothing to do with avarice or greed. The money was fine, don’t get me wrong, but that isn’t why I turned him in to the authorities. I simply did what they couldn’t. I wanted to force Jesus’ hand, and then he had to drive the Romans out of our country. I was mistaken, I see that now.

Jesus loved each of us, including me. But I didn’t see it at the time.

When he knelt to wash my feet, I was deeply disturbed. When he stripped down to his underwear, I admit I had some serious doubts. Behaving like a common slave wasn’t really in my thinking. It would take extra work to shape him, and to deaden such strange behavior. But it would be worth it in the end, if only Jesus would cooperate.

In my mind I knew that Jesus only needed the right moment to become the next ruler of Israel. That was his destiny, and I was going to help him bring it to pass. I knew that God had called me–this was my purpose. I would be the kingmaker, and Jesus would certainly reward me.

Some have said that Satan lived inside me. But I hardly noticed.

Instead, I was filled with excitement. Finally, the other disciples would come to my side, and together we could make it happen. Enough kneeling, no more groveling–we were going to rule Israel and end the wicked Roman occupation. I truly believed this. He was our Messiah, our deliverer.

The tricky part was to convince Jesus, even if I had to manipulate him if necessary, in order to take control of the situation.

He had to see the opportunity that was waiting for him. He was already immensely popular among the people. We could quite easily turn all of this enthusiasm into a full-blown insurrection. But we obviously needed him to lead us, and I could help him find his way. I knew we could do it.

I believed that this was God’s will for me.

My plan was simple–after I met with the Pharisees, I’d lead them to the garden where Jesus was staying. They insisted on an armed escort, just in case there was trouble among the disciples. I suppose that was prudent, my part in all of this was simply to give Jesus a kiss on the cheek, to signify that he was the one to the soldiers.

I assumed he would resist and fight. I was very wrong.

Nothing went as planned. Jesus didn’t take charge, and he certainly didn’t overthrow the government. As a matter of fact, you could say that the opposite happened; he was silent and refused to answer most of their questions. I did hear him say, “My kingdom is not of this world.” I should have listened.

I realized way too late, that I had shed innocent blood.

I went back to the priests who hired me, and I insisted they take back the silver. They refused. I threw the bag at their feet and left the temple. Ugly thoughts now filled my mind, and I knew without a doubt that I was completely lost.

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