grace – Page 8 – Alaska Bible Teacher

How Much Do You Love Him?

How much do you love Jesus? This parable looks at the heart of the believer, the person who has been incredibly forgiven of everything–past, present and future. And it’s here we see a woman whose heart is broken by her sin, and she discovers Jesus’ grace, and tremendous mercy.

“A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. ⁴²When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” ⁴³Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.”

⁴⁴“Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. ⁴⁶You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment.”

⁴⁷“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Luke 7:40-47

Jesus has been invited to Simon’s home. He’s a Pharisee, and at this point they haven’t quite banded together to attack Jesus, it seems that there were still some Pharisees who were true seekers.

The text jumps right in and we see Jesus reclining at a table (the Jewish people didn’t use chairs–pillows were used instead.) At a feast like this people who weren’t officially invited could come in to stand in the back and listen in on the conversation. (That seems awkward.)

Suddenly a woman enters the room.

She’s described as “a woman of the city,” which is a code word for “a sinner, or a harlot.” (Let your imagination roll that one around.) She comes with a definite purpose, for she brings a jar of quite expensive perfume with her.

The passage reveals that she’s on her knees, weeping on Jesus’ feet, and rubbing her tears with her hair, and pouring out the perfume. She’s kissing his feet. She’s obviously a broken person—someone who knows who Jesus is, and who understands who she is, and how deep sin has destroyed her.

At this point Simon is deeply offended, and probably embarrassed by what’s happening. But he also assumes that Jesus isn’t who he’s saying he is. “How dare does this man let an unclean person even touch Him!” But Jesus understands everything. His parable is short (just two verses) and it’s directed at Simon; and it’s a no-brainer.

The interpretation is obvious: the man who owes the most will love the most.

Jesus accentuates Simon’s breach of protocol. The Lord deftly explains the entire situation and Simon is busted. He’s put on the spot and Jesus has made his point. It’s all so obvious. The essence of the story is clear. How much do you love the Master?

Do you truly fathom how much sin Jesus has forgiven you?

(Or maybe you’re a Simonite?)

Perhaps you’re someone who doesn’t quite accept what’s real? The Bible tells us repeatedly that no one is righteous. No one. Scripture has a very low opinion of the righteousness of men. (That should shatter your thinking.)

“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”

Isaiah 64:6, KJV

The Hebrew word for “filthy rags” is extremely graphic–literally it means “a menstruating cloth.” It was something that a woman used before Tampax came along. How very descriptive. Do we even have the slightest idea what that means? Are our good deeds that bad?

Yes they are. Isaiah announces that’s exactly how God sees our best attempts to find acceptance apart from grace. It often seems we try to please Him by doing the best we can, but that isn’t sufficient. We always fall short and mess up.

How does understanding this change our discipleship? I’ll let you be the judge on this on this one.

“He loved us not because we are lovable, but because He is love.”

C.S. Lewis

Choosing a Pierced Ear

Body piercing has become pretty much acceptable just in the last ten years.

Studs are placed in a hole or piercing to make a permanent decoration. I have seen a fair amount of it, and I think that a stud in the tongue has got to be the most intrusive. (I recently read of a young girl who died after her tongue was pierced from an infection).

There is “body piercing” in scripture. In Deuteronomy 15:12-18, slaves who are being set free by their master after six years of service, could, if they loved and were loved by their master, could choose to remain a slave to him.

“But if your slave says to you, “I don’t want to leave you,” because he loves you and your family and has a good life with you,¹⁷ stick an awl through his ear into the door; he will be your slave for life. Also do this to a female slave.”

Deuteronomy 15:12-18

This was a decision that required elders to act as witnesses. It was significant as well as completely binding. I like to think of the ceremony to be kind of a cross between a wedding and a circumcision. (Sounds fun, huh?!)

The slave would be led to a doorpost and the master would take an awl, and push it through his ear lobe. This designated the slave to be forever “owned” by a specific master. Herein lies a picture of the Christian.

Many times in the New Testament we are called to be servants (slaves) of Christ.

Peter, Paul, James, and Jude referred to themselves as “bond servants of Jesus Christ” in their epistles. This is not a forced servitude. It’s a choice made in love!

There are many believers who have done the same, they have fallen in love with their Savior. They do not plan on a life apart from Him. So spiritually they have gone to the doorpost, the awl is pushed through their ear, and they are marked from that point on.

Although the ear was pierced physically in the Old Testament, a different kind of piercing takes place in the New. In Romans 6:16 we read,

“Surely you know that when you give yourselves like slaves to obey someone, then you are really slaves of that person. The person you obey is your master. You can follow sin, which brings spiritual death, or you can obey God, which makes you right with him.”

Romans 6:16, (NCV)

When the prodigal son returned home from the far country he fell before his father and humbly ask, “make me your servant.” (Luke 15:19,21) He, in essence, was saying to the father, “pierce my ear.” The father made him a son, but the attitude of the son’s heart had changed to the heart of a servant. So it must be with us. Only then will we live a “pierced ear” life, revealing to all that we are servants of Jesus Christ!

“Savior, I know Thou hast allowed me absolute liberty, to serve Thee, or to go my own way. I would serve Thee forever, for I love my Master. I will not go out free. Mark my ear, Lord, that it might respond only to Thy voice.”

— Jim Elliot, Missionary and Martyr

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A Prayer of a Minor Prophet

by A.W. Tozer

His Ordination Prayer as a Pastor, serving in the Christian and Missionary Alliance

August 18, 1920

O Lord, I have heard Thy voice and was afraid. Thou has called me to an awesome task in a grave and perilous hour. Thou art about to shake all nations and the earth and also heaven, that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. O Lord, my Lord, Thou has stooped to honor me to be Thy servant. No man taketh this honor upon himself save he that is called of God as was Aaron. Thou has ordained me Thy messenger to them that are stubborn of heart and hard of hearing. They have rejected Thee, the Master, and it is not to be expected that they will receive me, the servant.

My God, I shall not waste time deploring my weakness nor my unfittedness for the work. The responsibility is not mine, but Thine. Thou has said, “I knew thee – I ordained thee – I sanctified thee,” and Thou hast also said, “Thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak.” Who am I to argue with Thee or to call into question Thy sovereign choice? The decision is not mine but Thine.

So be it, Lord. Thy will, not mine, be done.

Well do I know, Thou God of the prophets and the apostles, that as long as I honor Thee Thou will honor me. Help me therefore to take this solemn vow to honor Thee in all my future life and labors, whether by gain or by loss, by life or by death, and then to keep that vow unbroken while I live.

It is time, O God, for Thee to work, for the enemy has entered into Thy pastures and the sheep are torn and scattered. And false shepherds abound who deny the danger and laugh at the perils which surround Thy flock. The sheep are deceived by these hirelings and follow them with touching loyalty while the wolf closes in to kill and destroy. I beseech Thee, give me sharp eyes to detect the presence of the enemy; give me understanding to see and courage to report what I see faithfully. Make my voice so like Thine own that even the sick sheep will recognize it and follow Thee.

Lord Jesus, I come to Thee for spiritual preparation.

Lay Thy hand upon me. Anoint me with the oil of the New Testament prophet. Forbid that I should be come a religious scribe and thus lose my prophetic calling. Save me from the curse that lies dark across the modern clergy, the curse of compromise, of imitation, of professionalism. Save me from the error of judging a church by its size, its popularity or the amount of its yearly offering. Help me to remember that I am a prophet – not a promoter, not a religious manager, but a prophet. Let me never become a slave to crowds. Heal my soul of carnal ambitions and deliver me from the itch for publicity.

Save me from bondage to things. Let me not waste my days puttering around the house. Lay Thy terror upon me, O God, and drive me to the place of prayer where I may wrestle with principalities and powers and the rulers of the darkness of this world. Deliver me from overeating and late sleeping. Teach me self-discipline that I may be a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

I accept hard work and small rewards in this life.

I ask for no easy place. I shall try to be blind to the little ways that could make life easier. If others seek the smoother path I shall try to take the hard way without judging them too harshly. I shall expect opposition and try to take it quietly when it comes. Or if, as sometimes it falleth out to Thy servants, I should have grateful gifts pressed upon me by Thy kindly people, stand by me then and save me from the blight that often follows. Teach me to use whatever I receive in such manner that will not injure my soul nor diminish my spiritual power. And if in Thy permissive providence honor should come to me from Thy church, let me not forget in that hour that I am unworthy of the least of Thy mercies, and that if men knew me as intimately as I know myself they would withhold their honors or bestow them upon others more worthy to receive them.

And now, O Lord of heaven and earth, I consecrate my remaining days to Thee; let them be many or few, as Thou wilt. Let me stand before the great or minister to the poor and lowly; that choice is not mine, and I would not influence it if I could. I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame.

I choose it above all things on earth or in heaven.

Though I am chosen of Thee and honored by a high and holy calling, let me never forget that I am but a man of dust and ashes, a man with all the natural faults and passions that plague the race of men. I pray Thee, therefore, my Lord and Redeemer, save me from myself and from all the injuries I may do myself while trying to be a blessing to others. Fill me with Thy power by the Holy Spirit, and I will go in Thy strength and tell of Thy righteousness, even Thine only. I will spread abroad the message of redeeming love while my normal powers endure.

Then, dear Lord, when I am old and weary and too tired to go on, have a place ready for me above, and make me to be numbered with Thy saints in glory everlasting. Amen. AMEN.

AlaskaBibleTeacher.com

Jonah Measures God’s Love

“That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish…

…for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.” (Jonah 4:2, ESV)

(“The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”)

Psalm 145:8

This understanding of God’s character is used 13x in the Old Testament. It was first discerned by Moses, and was passed on to other men. It was stamped into the hearts of those who followed him. It was a description of who God was, and it became the strong foundation of their ministry.

Jonah understood who God really was.

And that was the reason Jonah refused to give the Ninevites a break. He didn’t want them to repent. He wanted no part of their salvation, which is rather disturbing. How can a prophet act this way? What was it that angered Jonah that he would resist God?

The book of Jonah contains question marks, especially chapter 4. Of the 14 questions that are asked, 11 are directed at Jonah.

God speaks loud and clear to His prophet. He asks Jonah to reconsider and evaluate his heart in the light of God’s loving character.

When we read it we can focus on the secondary ideas. We see Jonah and the whale. Maybe we think about his disobedience. Or maybe the storm or the plant that helped Jonah endure the heat of the sun. These are all good things to consider, but they are not the main theme.

God’s heart for even the Ninevites is the main purpose of the book of Jonah.

God is not the exclusive ‘property’ of the Hebrew nation! He very much cares for others outside of our own group. In John 3:16 we’re made aware of His passion for the whole earth.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son…”

The Great Commission has always been in effect. In the OT Israel was called to be a light to the Gentiles, Acts 13:46-48. The covenant given to Abraham was that Israel would be a blessing to every nation. This was God’s plan and His intention. (Genesis 17:1-8.)

Jonah’s anger and apparent prejudice is definitely a cause for concern.

But could the message of Jonah describe the reluctance of the Church today? Is God’s love for everyone? Does God even care?

“And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?” Jonah 4:11

The Four Ways We Grow

Then he told them many things in parables, saying, “Consider the sower who went out to sow. ⁴As he sowed, some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. ⁵Other seed fell on rocky ground where it didn’t have much soil, and it grew up quickly since the soil wasn’t deep. ⁶But when the sun came up, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away. Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns came up and choked it.

⁸Still other seed fell on good ground and produced fruit: some a hundred, some sixty, and some thirty times what was sown. ⁹Let anyone who has ears listen.”

Luke 8:5-9

Jesus loved to tell stories. Each of them was packed with truth, and the people loved them. In verse 2, we see the popularity of Jesus–the people were entranced by our Lord. They followed him throughout his earthly ministry. Just imagine a preacher doing this today.

If you were his disciple back then, you had better get used to crowds.

This is all about receptivity to the Kingdom of God. It’s all about seed that is sown indiscriminately–the work of the sower isn’t assessing the ground conditions. He just throws out the insignificant seed. That’s his job, and he seems to do a bang-up job of it. He “broadcasts” the seed, reaching in his bag and spreading it evenly, and quickly.

This parable, believed to be one of his first, begins with the word, “Consider,” and really, isn’t that the needed quality one must have? In the original language it simply means, “to see.” But it’s also in the imperative–a command. Seeing isn’t really an option–may be a good word today would be, “Look!” (And using an exclamation mark!)

In some places the ground had been packed down, things were too hard. Others landed on soil, but it was only the slightest skim of dirt, which wasn’t enough to support any growth. And yet the third scattering made it into the thorns. So there was three different possibilities, which none were ideal.

But wait! There was a fourth.

Seed that landed right where it should–good soil, fertile, tilled, and ready. The first three were all wrong, but the parable isn’t given to find fault–no one was to blame. And certainly not the sower, he was merely doing what was necessary.

The parable is clearly meant to explain how the Kingdom enters our hearts.

Our lives are the soil, and we all react to the seed differently. Sometimes, there’s no response at all, and “birds” get their breakfast. Sometimes, it’s all rocky, and nothing can grow there. Some tried to grow, but thorns and thistles essentially got in the way.

There are always four responses to the words of Jesus.

There was a lot of people sitting on the beach, and all were listening. But Jesus knew deep down that his words would only touch 1 out of 4, and yet he kept sowing. He hoped for good soil, but that wasn’t a given.

In verses 9-15, Jesus had to explain this story to his disciples, who always did seem out-of-touch with these sorts of things. But I’m glad he did–Jesus, by interpreting this parable, gave us the keys that would unlock every one of his others. The seed represents God’s words. The soil is the condition of our hearts. My own heart listens and when the Word comes my heart responds in different ways. At any given time, the soil can be hard as a rock, or thorny

Jesus was never mystical or otherworldly, he didn’t cloak his words in imponderable mysteries like every other teacher longs to do. (Ego, mainly.) He didn’t want things to be an enigma, rather he wanted people to understand the ways and nature of God’s kingdom.

He wanted even the little children to get it–there were to be no secrets, only receptive hearts.

“The Bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.”

Augustine

A Rose in the Snow

Merry Christmas, dear ones!

I’m looking at Christmas 1000 years from today, when He will bring us all together. I think that we’ll all kick back, and we will try to remember Christmas, 2023. We will most likely say, “But that was so long ago, it feels like a dream, I’m not so sure now…”

Like me, I trust your deepest hopes are pinned on an incredible grace.

Under the tree there are gifts. But we have been given a gift– of gifts. It is something that ‘rocks our world’. It’s called ‘eternal life’. It has been given to us freely, and without any stipulations. We’ve been ‘cut-loose’ from the tangled mass of sin. We are now very much free.

I know I need to learn to live like a free man.

My physical and mental illnesses often trips me up. I’m saddened by my weaknesses. But I reach out and touch this grace, I pull it in and take and make it my own. Jesus has freed me, and I want to walk in truth, with Him—and with you.

I’m grateful for my doctors, they’re definitely a blessing. I must keep looking to my rose–my Jesus who is my Savior. I covet your prayers especially now.

Our Lord Jesus is truly a “rose in the snow.” He has come to this mean and hostile world, but He is precious and beautiful in the eyes of the faithful. I pray that you find Him flourishing in your heart.

Love to you from alaskabibleteacher!

The Star, the Shepherds

“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.”

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.”

– Luke 2:8-11

These shepherds were watchful. They’re a careful bunch, very much on guard as they look over the flocks. (Actually, this is quite marvelous in itself. There is a ‘brain-numbing’ issue that afflicts shepherds at 2 am.) They see everything this deep, dark night.

These humble shepherds will make excellent ‘star’ witnesses.

The angels carefully watch as well. I’m guessing the ‘appearance’ frightens in a very deep way. The Bible uses this powerful word–‘terrified‘. (Doesn’t that word just push through, and don’t we suddenly realize we no longer have control over reality?) Needless to say, the shepherds are pretty scrambled.

All of a sudden, an angel appears and things start getting strange. The weirdness quickly grows, uneasiness at first, and then fear. Fear is a very good way to a deep understanding of things that are pretty much out of our league. Reality is now going to be interpreted God’s way, under His terms. We fear first, and faith follows. That seems to be the pattern.

But the angel is very quick to ‘defuse the fear.’

He sees that he needs to do something to stem the shepherd’s panic. One of the things the angel does is to speak a promise and a solid hope. And the shepherds are like dry sponges, and they truly absorb all that happens. They are the ‘official’ witnesses to this night’s events.

The ‘angel’ has carried a very significant message. “‘Have absolutely no fear’! I carry to you, an awesome word, that all of your terrible sins, are quite forgiven. There is someone special, a Savior. This baby is the Messiah, Christ the Lord.'”

“A Savior is born.” He hasn’t ‘appeared,’ or even ‘arrived’ as a full-bodied man, but He has been born. This reliance on ‘old-fashioned’ approach, brings a much slower development to His message. A birth slows everything down. It’s like ‘slow motion’ TV. It forces things to develop in a slower, natural and a timely way. Everyone looks, some wait.

But Jesus has been ‘born’. But have no doubt, He is the ‘Messiah’ and He is the King of Kings, and He is the One who has been eternally chosen to die. All because of my sin.

Just wait and see.

“The Christmas message is that there is hope for a ruined humanity–hope of pardon, hope of peace with God, hope of glory–because at the Father’s will Jesus became poor, and was born in a stable so that thirty years later He might hang on a cross.”

J.I. Packer

The Great Escape

Hidden in the Old Testament is the idea of the Cities of Refuge. They have incredible meaning for us today.

They speak profoundly to our situation and bring real hope to those who struggle. Six places of safety were given to protect those who accidentally killed another person— maybe an ax head flew and hit someone, and they died as a result.

God told Joshua to establish cities of protection where one could be safe from an avenger. There were six of them, three on the east side of the Jordan river, and three on the west. The cities covered Israel; each was spread out intentionally so they were always close.

That city became a place of asylum for those guilty of manslaughter.

As believers, we know that we’ve committed crimes against God and other people. The burden we carry threatens to undo us. Satan (and his minions) want to destroy us—and honestly, we deserve it. We are essentially spiritual ‘criminals’ who have hurt others and damaged ourselves in the process.

Outside the city, we’re vulnerable—but inside those walls we find safety.

Those who have killed others are protected. If we venture outside, we find our adversary who is waiting. Scripture tells us that we must stay cloistered there until the current high priest dies. Upon his death, we’re released and may leave the city walls.

For broken believers, the whole concept rings true.

The text speaks for itself, and there is spiritual logic in all of this. We see parallels here that speak to our condition. We’ve messed up big time. We also carry issues that the enemy can attack. Depression, bipolar, trauma, and even thoughts of committing suicide— can be a fundamental part of our lives.

I must tell you that safety is found only in the Savior.

Finding God and abiding in him is our place of safety. His walls protect us, Jesus is our high priest, who never dies; that means we need to stay with him, permanently. I like Hebrews 6:18, LB:

“Now all those who flee to him to save them can take new courage when they hear such assurances from God; now they can know without a doubt that he will give them the salvation he has promised them.”

For us especially, we often have problems with the doctrine of assurance of salvation. Our enemy works overtime to accuse us (Rev.12:10). We’re his targets and the lies of many demons assault us. We can, at times, wonder if we’re really saved. We wonder if we are really forgiven, and we doubt our salvation. Satan’s efforts can be constant and crippling.

I encourage you to think this over and pray about this.

Numbers 35 is a good place to start. That chapter is pretty clear. Look also at Exodus 21:13-14; Joshua 20:1-6; Deuteronomy 19:2-13.

The Real Glory of the Real Jesus

Mark 9:2-8, ESV

“And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, ³and his clothes became radiant, intensely white, as no one on earth could bleach them. ⁴And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, and they were talking with Jesus.

⁵“And Peter said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here. Let us make three tents, one for you and one for Moses and one for Elijah.” ⁶For he did not know what to say, for they were terrified.”

^“And a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice came out of the cloud, “This is my beloved Son; listen to him.” ⁸And suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone with them but Jesus only.”

I could go a hundred different ways with this passage. After much thought (disorganized most of the time) I’ve decided to go with the following. I know deep down how deficient it is, and I know you have much to add to it, which is very good.

But what I do understand I give to you.

The more I try to process Mark 9 the more I see things that are wildly significant. What happened there was radical, and I realize that I still don’t have a solid grip on it, and if I did I know deep down it’d change my life.

James, John, and Peter. Why these three? Some have suggested that these particular disciples were the ones who desperately needed to see what was going to happen. That’s very possible. Perhaps they were the weakest, and maybe they needed to see the real Jesus in His glory. My personal view is that these three wrote books, epistles. Maybe Jesus understood this, and gave them this earth-shaking experience?
The impact on Peter was profound. “”For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. ¹⁷He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with Him, I am well pleased.” We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.” (2 Peter 1:16-18).
Toward the end of Peter’s life he couldn’t shake the Transfiguration and what he witnessed there. He recalled the “glory” but it seems it was the voice that was the most profound. It was that voice that completely altered his life and ministry. (Notice that he mentions it twice in verse 18.)
The Greek word for “transfigured” is metamorphosis. (Like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon.) Jesus wasn’t put in some spiritual “spotlight,” rather the glory that was seen was coming from inside Him. We see that He was God and Jesus revealed Himself clearly as God. The three disciples who were witnesses seem to struggle with exactly what took place. They use human analogies and images to try to explain to us what they saw.
The word “terrified” is the word phobia. Could it be that our encounter with God could go to that extreme? Could we be that we could be terrified in His presence? Does that fit into our theology? You need to decide if it’s significant or not.
And what about Moses and Elijah? Most feel that each represented the Law and the Prophets. I must point out that both had ministered from the top of mountains before? But notice, even though Jesus emanated extreme glory, these two did not. Also, the arrival of these two reinforces the real world of life after death. Both Moses and Elijah were very much alive!
The “human” part of Jesus was temporarily set aside. We know that Jesus was fully man, but here we see Him as He really is–fully and completely God. What a revelation! The three disciples were profoundly touched. Seeing the power and glory of the Creator of the universe on the top of the mountain altered their lives and changed their ministry.
John would write his Gospel and three letters. James wrote the first book in the NT. Peter is credited with the Gospel of Mark and his two books. They “knew” exactly who Jesus was! They had become fully convinced and needed no theological explanation. They finally understood!

So much more should be considered.

What I’ve written today is so incomplete–I feel a little foolish putting this down in this post. But yet I’m actively praying for you that this might add to your understanding. The Transfiguration is profound. It certainly needs to be internally processed by every real believer. And for those who don’t know Jesus yet, I hope you can understand exactly who He is to us who believe.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.He was with God in the beginning.Through him all things were made; without him, nothing was made that has been made.In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

John 1:1-4, NIV

Finding the Light

“Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.”

2 Corinthians 1:9

To be chronically ill often means living with awful frustration. We can’t do what we want, we are ‘trapped’ by a disease we never asked for, and we’re held hostage by our minds and bodies. We once had a job– a career… and our time was occupied by that. Suddenly our lives are turned upside down.

We wanted something else, anything more than being very sick.

I once was a pastor of a small church here in Alaska. I also taught Gospels, several years in a local Bible Institute. I loved ministry very much. They defined my identity and gave me purpose. I enjoyed helping people and teaching the Word. I endeavored to be faithful in the ministry. And I hope I did.

With the sudden onset of a brain tumor, followed up by a diagnosis of severe depression, my life more or less exploded. I had extensive memory loss. I knew I had to step out of the ministry. I simply could not function. It was a hard thing to leave it behind. (And I still miss it.)

My depression grew even more profound with the stillborn death of our third child just 3 days before her delivery. Things suddenly ground to a standstill as my wife and I tried to process all of this. I guess I just couldn’t understand and more or less just shut down. I was angry at God. I spent months in bed, unable to function.

Some people were true jewels.

Others were more or less mean and uncaring. (I quickly learned how to take the good with the bad.) I suppose I should have understood, but things were so tangled up inside me that I couldn’t verbalize a thing. But God knew all about me. He loved and never judged.

The post-op recovery following the tumor was an ordeal, as I had to learn many things all over again. A few years later I ended up on disability; I was unable to work, and my symptoms were so unpredictable. I dealt with profound depression and a solid dose of paranoia and fear.

I learned that meds can help, but they can’t fix the problem.

Sometimes the isolation seemed worse than the pain. We wonder why this is happening to us, and we hear lies about our worthiness or God’s goodness. Our value to others seems to be scuttled by our illness. We can feel cursed, forgotten, crippled by God, or even worse. (Maybe even irrevocably lost?)

Satan craves our spiritual destruction, and he snares unsteady souls.

I admit I have been slow to learn this– but God brings good things out of the dark. I’m embarrassed by my personal lack of acquiring all of this. Now I’m starting to learn finally, and I want His words to reflect these truths.

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”

2 Corinthians 4:7

This light will shine, and the treasure is found in clay vessels. Brokenness only means the treasure is now seen clearly. It’s important to note–jewels lose none of their value by being surrounded by broken clay. Our weaknesses are being turned into goodness, understanding, and love for our brothers and sisters.

Troubles of many varieties will pay us a visit. Count on it.

No matter what their nature, God holds his people in place while everything else is falling apart. But for the broken believer, there is another dimension; we will finally triumph. The tragedies we’ve had to endure only supplement our faith. We will stand– because He makes us stand.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9