Suffering Well

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.”

“For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

James 1:2-4, NLT

There are many different points where our Lord connects to us through our desperation. Our sorrow and confusion can be how God ‘wires us’ for additional contact— in some kind of weird and cosmic way, my pain becomes His ‘copper wire.’ Often is how He touches my heart as He flows through it.

I think it’s helpful to see our issues in this way. 

There is a current that must work through us, making contact and ultimately creating a circuit. What I mean by this is that it seems we have to experience pain, in order to know His presence.  Only if you know that a brother has struggled, do you become aware that a pearl of tremendous wisdom (and love) is now accompanying him. Usually.

We must be aware that our distress allows us access to His ‘careful’ grace. Our trials, properly received, endow us with special and supplemental power.

When it gets dark, light becomes exceptional.  In a book by Stephen Lawhead, (I think it was “the Silver Hand.”) we see a man, the hero take up stones that have been infused with the creative power of the universe.  Standing on the walls of a besieged stronghold, the desperate hero throws the stones down on the attackers.  And as each stone smashes into the ground it releases a part of a song, which destroys the enemy and defeats those strong in the darkness. (Silly story.)

I know that His Spirit infuses Himself into our hearts. 

He has imparted something in us that is both precious and powerful.  He works through the pain and struggles that we encounter.  These are terribly ugly, no question.  But it is through these we plug into something real and eternal.

I suppose when the tragedy finally brings real life it’s a most precious thing. We treasure all this for it comes at such an exorbitant price.

Pain indeed has a purpose, but oh, so many times it seems to only hurt. But that’s the way it works.

But yet, that is our calling. I certainly know that life is seldom easy and our choices are even harder. I recently read that Queen Victoria, as just a teen fiercely opposed her future coronation as the sovereign of England. She grew sullen, and rebellious and would continually frustrate her teachers.

Once when Victoria was shown a lineage that showed her and revealed her place in England’s future as queen.  She became uncharacteristically quiet and she responded with an astonishing simple awareness, “I will be good.” From that moment everything changed for her.

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We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive his poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others.

Elizabeth Elliot

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Wonder

My thoughts

There are some things that leave an indelible mark, deep down into our souls. For me, one instance I remember staying at Simpson College on Silver Ave. in San Francisco in June 1986. The dorms were empty and I had a whole floor to myself. The campus was gorgeous; the roses were in full bloom.

I found a little “mom and pop” corner market nearby which had an awesome deli. Here I could buy cold cuts, some excellent braunschweiger, and freshly baked sourdough bread. I returned to my room to build my sandwich.

I remember that the windows were open and there was a beautiful breeze. Food, warm sun, flowers in bloom and the Holy Spirit are just about ready to ‘intersect’ in my life. It would be a holy collision. I would come to Jesus in this bright new way.

It was simply a moment that I captured and savored. Everything seemed to coincide, it was magical in the best sense of the word. It was beautiful, that is all I can say. That time in that dorm room has become a crystalline moment that I will never forget. Right there, it seemed I fell in love, not with a girl, but with a moment in time and place.

That nostalgia lies incredibly thick on the shoulders of the writer of Psalm 84.

He remembers and savors those powerful memories of his visit to the temple. He was given something at that particular moment that would follow him for the rest of his life.

The beauty of that experience was inviolable and true and could never be duplicated. This treasure was his. As he aged he could tell his grandchildren, “I walked with God.” And he really meant it.

I personally believe God gives us these holy moments, wrapped in wonder and awe. When the Holy Spirit deeply touches in this way you will never, ever be the same.

The psalmist has the same hunger.

These moments in the temple which are so blessed have also ‘ruined’ him. Often special times of God’s presence will result in a ‘sanctified’ dissatisfaction with the present status quo.

But when we finally make our way to Jesus (or He draws us), life takes on a special and curious wonder. When the rain finally comes to the barren desert, an explosion of life bursts out. In much the same way, our lives are ‘watered’ by Jesus. Things get very green and lush as we live in the Spirit. All of this is in contrast to our dry and desperate life without His presence.

I want to become hungry for His presence.

I so want to be in the center of wherever He is at. I admit that His grace and love has spoiled me. But the love of Jesus does this. Normal life seems to be nothing more than a boring journey into ‘black & white,’ but somehow He turns it all into stunning color.

The psalmist practically begs to be returned to the temple. He wants to be there, more than anything else. It is now his true home and he is homeless without God. He will not be satisfied with anything less.

Psalm 84:2

alaskabibleteacher.com

Wrestling with God

Jacob was a scoundrel, a cheat and a swindler. It seems that his life was built on defrauding others. I see no integrity, no goodness in his early life. He plotted and tricked everyone he could in order to advance his own status.

Yes, Jacob was tricked also, which I suppose was a “good” thing. It seems that when men like Jacob get deceived themselves we tend to gloat a bit. After all, they are finally getting what they deserve.

But no bad man is outside of God’s grace and mercy.

Jacob is a grifter. He has built his life around a selfish deception. But again, he is still on God’s radar, and the Father isn’t finished with him yet.

A night of wrestling with God is really something we all will do at least once in our life. We each have a “Jabbok” and each will go body to body with the Holy One. Some of us will learn how to surrender, others will not. But sometimes, our dealings with God are silent, and unobservable.

It fascinates me to see Jacob wounded. “When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket” (v. 25). Jacob will limp for the rest of his life. Every morning as he got out of bed, he would groan from the stiffness and be reminded of that fight by the river.

So dear one, how should we process all of this?

  1. No man is too far gone for God’s dealings.
  2. Each of us, whether we realize it or not, will have our encounter with God. (Our personal “Jabbok.”)
  3. God loves us too much to let us remain in our sin and darkness.
  4. And sometimes, from that encounter we’ll walk with a limp.

My own experience. I was not in a good place 8 years ago, I was wrestling with God, and having some issues, but the Holy Spirit had no intention of letting me go. I had a very bad fall. Needless to say I laid on the ground with my right arm pinned beneath me for some time. That injury is known as “compartment syndrome.” I went into surgery immediately.

My right forearm/hand is now paralyzed. about 80% of the muscle tissue and nerves had to be removed. The doctors considered taking my arm off, but I’m glad they didn’t.

Like Jacob, I now have a tangible reminder of my fight with the Lord. There are times when I hurt. I’ve had to relearn and adjust to using my left hand. It has not been easy. Jacob would limp for the rest of his life, I can relate having just one arm.

“God has no pleasure in afflicting us, but He will not keep back even the most painful chastisement if He can but thereby guide His beloved child to come home and abide in the beloved Son.”

 Andrew Murray

Others May, You Cannot

If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful, may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it; and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants you to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater then Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.

Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now when you are so possessed with the loving God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

The Eight-Cow Wife

A long time ago there lived a young islander named Johnny Lingo.  He lived on Nurabandi, not far from the island Kiniwata in the Pacific.  Johnny was one of the brightest strongest and richest men in the islands, but people shook their heads and smiled about a business deal he had made with a man on Kiniwata.  He had paid the unheard-of-price of eight cows for a wife, who was by any standards unattractive. As one fellow explained, “It would be kindness to call her plain.  She was skinny.  She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked.  She was scared of her own shadow.” 

The amazing fact was in those days, two or three cows could buy an average wife, and four or five a highly satisfactory one.  Why would Johnny pay eight?  Everyone figured Sarita’s father, Sam Karoo, had taken young Johnny for a ride, and that’s why they smiled whenever they discussed the deal. 

The teller of the story finally met Johnny for herself and inquired about his eight-cow purchase of Sarita.  She assumed he had done it for his own vanity and reputation—at least she thought that until she saw Sarita:  “She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.”  Sarita was not the plain girl she had expected, and the explanation lay with Johnny Lingo.

“Do you ever think,” he asked, “what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought?  And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them.  One says four cows, another maybe six.  How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two?  This could not happen to my Sarita.” 

“Then you did this just to make your wife happy?”

“I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes.  But I wanted more than that.  This is true.  Many things can change a woman.  Things that happen inside, things that happen outside.  But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself.  In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing.  Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands.” 

“Then you wanted—“

“I wanted to marry Sarita.  I loved her and no other woman.”

“But—she said, close to understanding.

“She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.”

Proverbs 3:15

Listen to Him

“Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about.

John 10:6

For context: 10:7-18

What a joy can be found in the Shepherd’s care, and to hear his voice. Nothing really can match this wonder. We follow as he leads. The voice is an integral part of this passage and the foundation of authentic discipleship. You really can’t walk with him unless you hear him. We belong to him. We’re his flock that he keeps and provides for.

John 10:1-6

Amazing. He knows our name! That’s the intimacy found in these verses. We’re never forgotten and he will never overlook us. To think otherwise is slander and an attack on his present-day ministry. Jesus is our good shepherd. He always will be.

“Intimacy with God comes in whispers, not shouts.”

     Woodrow Kroll

He sometimes whispers, and this world can’t hear him. To be perfectly honest, my ‘busy-ness’ silences him. I suppose that the real issue isn’t with him, but with myself.

“And after the earthquake, there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, there was the sound of a gentle whisper.”

1 Kings 19:12

The gentle whisper to a man afraid. This fits the Father’s m.o. He doesn’t speak through a windstorm, earthquake, or fire. He chooses to speak very quietly, and that’s a problem for me. In the original Hebrew, the word for “whisper” can be translated as calm, silence, or something gentle. He speaks this way if only we shut up for a little while.

If we are to recognize God’s voice, we must belong to Him. We hear His voice when we spend time in Bible study and quiet contemplation of His Word. The more time we spend intimately with God and His Word, the easier it is to recognize His voice and His leading in our lives.

The flock hears the shepherd, and it’s that voice that breaks through our cluttered-up life. We can hear, and it’s that communication that encourages us to walk through life—one day at a time. Just today. That’s all you must do.

There are so many other voices. You must ignore them.

So many are speaking, so many want us to hear and follow them. But in reality, they want us to leave the Shepherd and his flock behind. But we can’t allow this, we must learn to listen to him alone.

    Elisabeth Elliot

Art by Eugène Burnan

On Authentic Prayer, the “Hallesby 23”

“The Hallesby 23” — Some Words About Prayer

Compiled by Bryan Lowe

I really want to bless you today on the subject of simple prayer. I recall reading O. Hallesby way back in my Bible school days. Back then, it was assigned reading for a class, but today it is a close treasure. Here are 23 quotes I pulled together.

1) Helplessness is the real secret and the impelling power of prayer.

2) Helplessness becomes prayer the moment that you go to Jesus and speak candidly and confidently with him about your needs. This is to believe.

3) A humble and contrite heart knows that it can merit nothing before God, and that all that is necessary is to be reconciled to one’s helplessness and let our holy and almighty God care for us, just as an infant surrenders himself to his mother’s care.

4) Listen, my friend! Your helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God with greater effect than all your uttered pleas. He hears it from the very moment that you are seized with helplessness, and He becomes actively engaged at once in hearing and answering the prayer of your helplessness.

5) When we go to our meeting with God, we should go like a patient to his doctor, first to be thoroughly examined and afterwards to be treated for our ailment. Then something will happen when you pray.

6) When you enter your secret chamber, take plenty of time before you begin to speak. Let quietude wield its influence upon you. Let the fact that you are alone assert itself. Give your soul time to get released from the many outward things. Give God time to play the prelude to prayer for the benefit of your distracted soul.

7) Jesus is moved to happiness every time He sees that you appreciate what He has done for you. Grip His pierced hand and say to Him, “I thank Thee, Saviour, because Thou has died for me.” Thank Him likewise for all the other blessings He has showered upon you from day to day. It brings joy to Jesus.

8) Jesus wills of His own accord to come into us and, in His own power, to deal with our needs. It is not necessary for us to constrain Him by our prayers to take an interest in us.

10) When prayer is a struggle, do not worry about the prayers that you cannot pray. You yourself are a prayer to God at that moment. All that is within you cries out to Him. And He hears all the pleas that your suffering soul and body are making to Him with groanings which cannot be uttered.

11) If God does not give you something you ask for, wait on Him. He will speak with you tenderly and sympathetically about the matter until you yourself understand that He cannot grant your prayer.

12) As impossible as it is for us to take a breath in the morning large enough to last us until noon, so impossible is it to pray in the morning in such a way as to last us until noon. Let your prayers ascend to Him constantly, audibly or silently, as circumstances throughout the day permit.

13) By prayer we couple the powers of heaven to our helplessness, the powers which can capture strongholds and make the impossible possible.

14) My praying friend, continue to make known your desires to God in all things. … Let Him decide whether you are to receive what you ask for or not.

15) (Notice carefully every word here.) It is not our prayer which draws Jesus into our hearts. Nor is it our prayer which moves Jesus to come in to us. All He needs is access. He enters in of His own accord, because He desires to come in. To pray is nothing more involved than to let Jesus into our needs, and permitting Him to exercise His own power in dealing with them. And that requires no strength. It is only a question of our wills. Will we give Jesus access to our needs?

16) The air which our body requires envelops us on every hand. The air which our souls need also envelops all of us at all times and on all sides. God is round about us in Christ on every hand, with his many sided and all-sufficient grace. All we need to do is to open our hearts.

17) You can use your time to no better advantage than to pray whenever you have a moment, either alone, or with others, while at work, at rest, or walking down the street! Anywhere!!

18) As white snow flakes fall quietly and thickly on a winter day, answers to prayer will settle down upon you at every step you take, even to your dying day. The story of your life will be the story of prayer and answers to prayer.

19) Pray a little each day in a childlike way for the Spirit of prayer. If you feel that you know, as yet, very little concerning the deep things of prayer and what prayer really is, then pray for the Spirit of prayer. There is nothing He would rather do than unveil to you the grace of prayer.

20) Prayer is a fine, delicate instrument. To use it right is a great art, a holy art.There is perhaps no greater art than the art of prayer. Yet the least gifted, the uneducated and the poor can cultivate the holy art of prayer.

21) Our prayer life will become restful when it really dawns upon us that we have done all we are supposed to do when we have spoken to Him about it. From the moment we have left it with Him, it is His responsibility.

22) We should say to God as we mingle with our dear ones each day, “God, give them each Thy blessing. They need it, because they live with me, and I am very selfish and unwilling to sacrifice very much for them, although I do love them.”

23) Prayer can assume very different forms, from quiet, blessed contemplation of God, in which eye meets eye in restful meditation, to deep sighs or sudden exclamations of wonder, joy, gratitude or adoration.

————————————————————–

Ole Hallesby, 1879-1961

Ole Kristian O. Hallesby was a Lutheran pastor who taught at the Free Faculty of Theology from 1909 to 1952.

He was an outspoken opponent of the Nazi occupation of Norway and was for a time detained at a concentration camp.

Hallesby wrote over 60 books, mostly on theology and ethics, but is known for his devotional writings. His book on prayer is one of the best written on the subject.

Real Life Humility

Jesus was watching, and he what he saw was a spiritual principle of his Kingdom.

Jesus often teaches out of the things we encounter–real life events. Spiritual truth often hits us from those things we actually see. If you want to know what God is doing in your life, all you need to do is look around at the “practical” things, and start to see the spiritual lessons inside them. We learn from real-life. That’s how he often teaches us, he combines the Word with what we’re experiencing.

Our natural inclination is to move higher up. We often think that we’re deserving, and so we take our “rightful” positions. That’s the way humans think. We all want to sit in the best possible place, and so we end up wheedling our way up front. We can fall into the subtle trap of self-promotion. But that’s not how discipleship works.

Jesus corrects, advising us to take the lowest place. I think verse 11 is the key to figuring out this seating arrangement. We’re starting to see a physical situation become a spiritual lesson. There’s much to learn. Here’s verse 11 in the Amplified version:

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled [before others], and he who habitually humbles himself (keeps a realistic self-view) will be exalted.”

This translation injects some realism into our lives, especially in how we see ourselves. It’s something quite foundational. It lays down a principle that is always true in his Kingdom (1 Peter 5:6). If we don’t accept and implement this, we’ll suffer a definite deficiency in our discipleship. It stunts the growth of many believers. And that is tragic.

The whole scene lays out how life in the spirit really works, and it seems terribly paradoxical.

Our human logic asserts that deliberately choosing the lesser is foolish, things really don’t work that way. We think, (falsely,) that we’ll only advance by asserting ourselves. But Jesus, quite aptly, clarifies the ways of the Kingdom–true maturity will only come if we decide to take the lowest place.

James 4:10

Piles and Piles of Manure

The Augean Stable

Proverbs 30:12

The dictionary explains filthy things like this, “to be disgustingly dirty” or “to an extreme extent.” Understanding this draws us into a perilous understanding of what our situation really is–to despair is our only real step of being acceptable in God’s eyes.

Despairing is our first step.

The Pharisees (“the holy ones”) never understood. But they never understood the basics. They read but never really understood the words of the prophet Isaiah,

“Their tables are covered with vomit; filth is everywhere.”

Isaiah 28:8. (Context 28:8-9.)

Hercules in Greek mythology was assigned to clean the Augean stables. King Augeaus had 3,000 oxen and their stable had not been cleaned in 30 years! (That’s a whole lot of manure.)

He was given 24 hours to clean it up. And rather than grab a shovel, he concentrated on redirecting two rivers, turning them directly into the stable, and essentially flushing out the accrued filth of the oxen. His ingenuity fulfilled the task. The stables were cleaned.

The formidable task of cleaning those stables was totally fulfilled by Jesus Christ.

Our hearts were soiled by our sin and iniquity. No man could ever clean them, the piles of sin merely got deeper. At times we’ve tried hard, but sin continued to climb higher. Sometimes we pointed to others as having even worse kept stables than us, but that does not work.

“We are all infected and impure with sin.
    When we display our righteous deeds,
    they are nothing but filthy rags.

Isaiah 64:6

So much we hear seems to diminish our sin. Nothing we hear preached changes this. Only the heroic effort of Jesus can cleanse us from what we know, deep down, is true. We are “infected” with sin. The fever rages within, and it abates at times, but it’s always there.

“So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.”

James 1:21

Some suggest the repentance is archaic and obsolete. I don’t think so. Rather it seems like it’s the starting point, we don’t change by feeling bad about the piles of manure (and yes, we know about them). We are simply those who’ve decided that we need God’s “river” to clean us.

I point no fingers. I blame or accuse no one. I’m merely a man who is wet, by the grace of God alone.

God came in the humanity of Jesus to heal us, to “flush” us clean. He alone can cleanse us from our filth and darkness.

“I will cleanse you of your filthy behavior.”

Ezekiel 37:29

“God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ.”

1 Peter 1:2

You have to decide. Will you simply adapt to your manure, or simply allow the rivers of grace to change you?

Quarantined for a Reason

Quarantines are a real possibility, even in this day. A quarantine is imposed when disease is contagious enough that it would harm a society: Measles, Smallpox, and the recent COVID-19 are just a few physical diseases where isolation must be imposed. It can be severe— an epidemic, with desperate consequences if not adhered to; in some rare cases, the use of deadly force have been authorized to maintain a quarantine until the disease is no longer communicable.

This may surprise you, but there are examples of ‘quarantines’ in the Bible. The term ‘unclean’ was used for ‘leprosy.’ Those afflicted had to isolate themselves; they had to ‘announce’ their presence when in contact with society. Lepers lived in groups away from the general populace, as a result of their disease.

In Paul’s epistle to the Corinthian he addresses another kind of ‘quarantine.’ The situation was dire; the church had advocated a Christian living with his father’s wife.

“I have already passed judgment on this man in the name of the Lord Jesus. You must call a meeting of the church. I will be present with you in spirit, and so will the power of our Lord Jesus. Then you must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns.” 1 Corinthians 5:3-5

Understanding the Principal of Usefulness

“Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor.” 2 Timothy 2:20, NASB

In the pantry of God, one can find an array of pots and pans, each serving a distinct purpose. Paul communicates to Timothy regarding the ‘large house’ that represents the Church as a whole. Timothy must observe the presence of both gold and silver vessels, each bearing a noble purpose befitting such a grand establishment. These are the vessels designated for the guests, appropriately reflecting the significance of the Lord Himself. Their value is inherent, as they are crafted from precious metals.

There are vessels of a different category. These are the ones made of wood, and of clay. These are part of the household, make no mistake about it. But their use is one of function, they’re utilized in common and ignoble ways. (A clay ‘bed-pan’ perhaps?!)

“Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.” 2 Timothy 2:21

Paul, the author of New Testament doctrine of grace emphasizes the place of personal holiness. We are to ‘cleanse’ ourselves to become a vessel of honor. There is good news here:

All are vessels in the Father’s house. Each of us belong to Him. He alone determines their use.

Things are not yet in their final state. Change in status can be experienced. In God’s economy, clay pots can become ‘golden.’ Silver can become ‘wood.’

Some sin is indeed contagious. It influences believers, leading to a compromised Church due to our choices. At times, we find ourselves in a protective quarantine by the Holy Spirit—until the contagion is eradicated. This spiritual disease cannot be allowed to persist.

I have walked through this journey many times in my own discipleship. While these moments can be quite challenging, they come without condemnation. I remain His servant, and His love for me is remarkably unwavering. He has never turned away from a repentant child, no matter how deeply they have fallen.

“Yes, I am His servant, but I must wait out in the hall. I haven’t been faithful. So I sit in His waiting room, waiting for His call. This is for my good. And my Father knows what is best.”