Judas Iscariot Speaks to Us

My name is Judas Iscariot, and I betrayed Jesus. It really had nothing to do with avarice or greed. The money was fine, don’t get me wrong, but that isn’t why I turned him in to the authorities. I simply did what they couldn’t. I wanted to force Jesus’ hand, and then he had to drive the Romans out of our country. I was mistaken, I see that now.

Jesus loved each of us, including me. But I didn’t see it at the time.

When he knelt to wash my feet, I was deeply disturbed. When he stripped down to his underwear, I admit I had some serious doubts. Behaving like a common slave wasn’t really in my thinking. It would take extra work to shape him, and to deaden such strange behavior. But it would be worth it in the end, if only Jesus would cooperate.

In my mind I knew that Jesus only needed the right moment to become the next ruler of Israel. That was his destiny, and I was going to help him bring it to pass. I knew that God had called me–this was my purpose. I would be the kingmaker, and Jesus would certainly reward me.

Some have said that Satan lived inside me. But I hardly noticed.

Instead, I was filled with excitement. Finally, the other disciples would come to my side, and together we could make it happen. Enough kneeling, no more groveling–we were going to rule Israel and end the wicked Roman occupation. I truly believed this. He was our Messiah, our deliverer.

The tricky part was to convince Jesus, even if I had to manipulate him if necessary, in order to take control of the situation.

He had to see the opportunity that was waiting for him. He was already immensely popular among the people. We could quite easily turn all of this enthusiasm into a full-blown insurrection. But we obviously needed him to lead us, and I could help him find his way. I knew we could do it.

I believed that this was God’s will for me.

My plan was simple–after I met with the Pharisees, I’d lead them to the garden where Jesus was staying. They insisted on an armed escort, just in case there was trouble among the disciples. I suppose that was prudent, my part in all of this was simply to give Jesus a kiss on the cheek, to signify that he was the one to the soldiers.

I assumed he would resist and fight. I was very wrong.

Nothing went as planned. Jesus didn’t take charge, and he certainly didn’t overthrow the government. As a matter of fact, you could say that the opposite happened; he was silent and refused to answer most of their questions. I did hear him say, “My kingdom is not of this world.” I should have listened.

I realized way too late, that I had shed innocent blood.

I went back to the priests who hired me, and I insisted they take back the silver. They refused. I threw the bag at their feet and left the temple. Ugly thoughts now filled my mind, and I knew without a doubt that I was completely lost.

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Listen Closely to Matthew

“He went out again beside the sea, and all the crowd was coming to him, and he was teaching them. 14 And as he passed by, he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax booth, and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he rose and followed him.

“And Levi jumped to his feet and went along.”

Mark 2:13-14, ESV

My name is Levi, and I once collected taxes for Rome. It was a very good living–it’s funny, but my parents chose my name– “Gift of God.” They were pious Jews who dreamed I would be more than I was. I sometimes wonder. Did they understand what Jesus was calling me to become?

As a tax collector, I was considered unclean. A very small step above a leper I guess. The Temple was off-limits for me; so I never had any sacrifice for my many sins. I carried my guilt like a heavy jacket on a hot day–some would say that God turned His back on me. I was seen as a collaborator, a betrayer of my people. I had been excommunicated forever.

Do you know what it’s like to be one of the damned?

My friends were sinners like me. In some dark way we understood each other, for we were all outcasts. Some of us were thieves, drunkards, and whores. Some of us were blind or disabled–all were undesirables. We became the community of those damned to hell.

My tax booth was situated at a crossroads, the ideal spot for collecting taxes. No one carrying goods could get by–they had to pay me first. I soon became wealthy, and unfortunately, very recognizable (which was dangerous). I had Roman guards that protected me.

There were times I wondered if that was all my life was good for, collecting coins for Rome.

Jesus was teaching near my booth one day.

I listened to Him closely. I prided myself as a good judge of character, I knew when someone was lying–my business taught me that. I immediately knew that I had never seen or heard anyone quite like Him.

Jesus quickly turned and stared directly at me. My heart stopped. I felt His eyes searching and I realized that He looked through me. He knew exactly who and what I was all about, and that unnerved me. I wasn’t seeing Him, rather it was He that saw me.

“Come, follow me.”

Suddenly I knew that all I attained in my business was a big pile of nothingness. I can never get over the shock of those words– Jesus, the Messiah wanted me. He had put His call on me, someone who was very much lost.

Why me? Who am I?

To follow wasn’t negotiable. I looked down at the silver and gold and realized they were nothing but piles of dirt. I left the coins on the table and walked away. If anything, I was sickened by my world of money.

I have never questioned that moment. What would you have done in my place but follow Him?

We had a grand going-away party that night. I of course invited all my disreputable friends. The rooms quickly filled up with whores, drunks, and the outcasts. Jesus shared many wonderful things with us. Never had anyone love us like Him.

We had never experienced this before!

Mark 2:15-17, ESV

The Pharisees were absolutely livid. They began to verbally rebuke Jesus and His disciples for setting down to eat and fellowship with us. In their minds we were the damned. My home was unclean, my family unclean–we were all filthy.

But that was not the way Jesus saw us. He loved us when nobody else would.

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Photo: “Matthew, the Chosen”