When There’s Too Much Pain

“You have given me many troubles and bad times, but you will give me life again. When I am almost dead, You will keep me alive.”

Psalm 71:20, NCV

“He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”

Isaiah 53:3, NASB


I have never spoken out like this, but my wife and I had a daughter who died in a terribly vicious way–she was stillborn, dead at birth, in November 1999. She was doing great, up to a week before Lynnie’s due date. We knew that in a few days, we would be able to see her– face-to-face. What a joy that was going to be!

But yet that’s not what happened.

Elizabeth Grace Lowe died from strangulation from her own umbilical cord. Nothing could have been done. My wife had noticed a moment of very frantic activity, as Elizabeth fought for her life. We plummeted from ecstatic joy to devastating sorrow in just seconds. It came “out of the blue,” totally unexpected. Who could prepare us?

We were completely undone. 

“For the Lord will not reject forever,
For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to Him there is abundant lovingkindness.
For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.”

Lamentations 3:32-33, NASB

Yes, there can be horrifying pain, but there are also solid promises.

There can be brutal sadness, but there are those specious Psalms. There is a blessing for all those who grieve. This topic deserves far more attention than this simple post. (If you’re in the thick of things, I’m trusting the Holy Spirit will help you to your next step.)

There can be such sorrow in this life, far much more than the human heart can possibly contain. But our Savior has a title (one of many). He is called the “Man of Sorrows.” He is the one who is “on point.” He leads us through such intense hostility and mind-numbing pain. He is there when the switch is flipped on us and it becomes instantly dark. He can’t, won’t, and will not leave you to face your pain alone. He knows.

There are a few things that I want to communicate to you.

These have come out of great darkness. I have tried awfully hard to be a disciple, even though I’m doing the worst job of it. These may be right, or wrong, or just okay–you decide. I don’t really know anymore.

  1. God amazingly takes the full weight of our pain and sorrow (Isa. 45:6-7, NLT). He doesn’t shift the blame or deny His work in the life of people. He’s fully sovereign. (Sometimes we need to adjust our theology.) Maybe it’s hard to trust Him right now–that’s more than understandable. In eternity, I believe, it’ll make perfect sense. Sometimes, we need to wait.
  2. Jesus has fully entered into our sorrows. All that you are feeling right now, He feels. If you feel you are at a minus 10, then He does as well. As you suffer, He is closer than your shadow. He knows us. He feels it all. Please don’t short-circuit over this.
  3. Nothing is ever wasted. We really shouldn’t treat these moments of sorrow as a waste. Have you ever wondered at Jesus’ ‘economy’ after the 5000 were fed?  He assigns value to the leftovers. The disciples pick up their baskets and collect everything again. Nothing will go to waste.  I strongly suspect that His kingdom works this way.
  4. This pain, this sorrow, is the intensive crash course in becoming a person of mercy. You now will always walk with a limp. At times the scars will be quite visible to those who can really see. This pain will become forever a “healed wound,” (but a wound nevertheless). It helps to seek out others who have walked this same path. And yet, to be honest, I don’t think I will ever fully trust a person (or a pastor even) who doesn’t walk with a limp.
  5. You will need (but maybe not accept) the transformation of your suffering into glory. This will take some time, and it almost feels like you’re not progressing at all. I encourage you to re-think each of these simple points. The Holy Spirit may be working, perhaps behind the scenes.
  6. Finally remember this: God is not a monster, stomping on us like a boy crushes ants. He has carried all of our pain and illness. He clearly comes alongside every suffering believer. It is Satan who would suggest to you that God is a Celestial Menace, not worthy of our love. I will be very blunt with you, that idea has to be implicitly rejected. Its origins are truly satanic.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Psalm 147:3

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, for the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.”

Isaiah 61:1

“He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.”

Psalm 147:3, TPT
 
I’m pretty much convinced that this post is a bit much for some. But please hold it close, maybe it’ll matter later on? (But I hope not.)
 

“A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven.”

    Chuck Swindoll

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Discovering Grace Again

Some Christians are called to endure. These believers are a spectacle of grace to the church, like flaming bushes unconsumed, and cause us to ask, like Moses:

‘Why is this bush not burned up?’

Exodus 3:2-3

The strength and stability of these believers can be explained only by the miracle of God’s sustaining grace. The God who sustains Christians in unceasing pain is the same God — with the same grace — who sustains me in my smaller sufferings. We marvel at God’s persevering grace and grow in our confidence in Him as He governs our lives.

— John Newton, author of “Amazing Grace”

All of us know a brother or sister who seems to be a target of an undue amount of suffering. It seems like they’re always in the furnace. Perhaps we should give them double honor for their faith in God’s grace and providence. Their hurt is typically inside, and most carry this pain apart from others’ knowledge. They cry when they think no one is looking.

What can we say to those who seem to be in a white-hot furnace? How can we bless those who are in so much pain? They hurt deeply, and honestly, at times we have no idea what they’re having to endure. They’re being challenged in ways we never imagined. We should realize that their burden would probably destroy us.

Ministering to these sufferers can be a real challenge. Even if God is directing you!

Sometimes just a word of simple encouragement is all that is needed. A phone call or an email is good, and it’s the work of a believer to actively lift each other up like this. This is how the Church is meant to be. We watch out for each other, we care for each brother and sister, and it’s a joy to serve each other like this.

But sometimes it might be necessary to speak directly into their awful storm.

In the midst of some awful difficulties in my early walk, I had a dear brother who was so kind. He gently (and carefully) quoted Philippians 1:6 to me over and over. It was wonderful and so encouraging–he blessed me with that promise and it’s now my “life verse” fifty years later!

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6, ESV

A good reminder for us is that the pain we feel right now is not the end. Our trials have a finite duration (although it seems far away). There’s coming a day when the difficulty will suddenly cease and we’ll come out on the other side. “We’ll shine like the stars,” scripture promises us. (Daniel 12:3). I really believe we’ll see that.

Much wisdom is needed in our ministry to disproportionate sufferers. We should have a fear of intruding on the work the Lord is doing in their spiritual heart. We must be patient and humble in this matter. There is no rushing God, after all, it’s His work. Most importantly we must be very much ‘present’ for our friend.

“But not only that! We even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance.”

Romans 5:3

But please understand. A “word” spoken out of place can cause even more ‘heartache’ for the sufferer. Let’s be careful. At times it’s better not to say anything, and to be honest, that’s okay. Job’s friends were best sitting in the ash heap saying not a word.  Please dear one, be aware, alert, and very wise about these things.

Just wait on God—-be sensitive, discerning, and pray a whole lot. It’s no small thing to speak to those who are hurting so deeply.

“The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned.”

Isaiah 50:4

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